Bear vs. an Atheist...

by upside/down 7 Replies latest social humour

• 

  upside/down

  An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
  "What majestic trees!
  What powerful rivers!
  What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
  
  As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a
  rustling in the bushes.
  
  Turning to look, he saw a seven foot grizzly charging
  towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path.
  Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was
  closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically
  and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell
  on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but
  saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
  At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
  Time stopped.
  The bear froze.
  The forest was silent.
  
  It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a
  voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my
  existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
  exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
  Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
  Am I to count you as a believer?"
  
  The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would
  be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me
  as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the
  BEAR a Christian?"
  
  "Very well," said the voice.
  
  The light went out.
  And the sounds of the forest resumed.
  
  And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and
  spoke:
  
  "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and
  for which I am truly thankful."
  
  HAPPY THANKSGIVING

  u/d
  
  
• 

  upside/down

  Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
  > "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
  >
  > **************************
  >
  > In a Podiatrist's office:
  > "Time wounds all heels."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
  > Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
  >
  > **************************
  >
  > On another Septic Tank Truck:
  > "We're #1 in the #2 business."
  > **************************
  >
  > At a Proctologist's door:
  > "To expedite your visit please back in."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Plumber's truck:
  > "We repair what your husband fixed."
  > **************************
  >
  > On another Plumber's truck:
  > "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Church's Billboard:
  > "7 days without God makes one weak."
  > **************************
  >
  > At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
  > "Invite us to your next blowout."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
  > "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
  > **************************
  >
  > At a Towing company:
  > "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
  > **************************
  >
  > On an Electrician's truck:
  > "Let us remove your shorts."
  > **************************
  >
  > In a Nonsmoking Area:
  > "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
  >appropriate action."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Maternity Room door:
  > "Push. Push. Push."
  > **************************
  >
  > At an Optometrist's Office:
  > "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the
  >right place."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Taxidermist's window:
  > "We really know our stuff."
  > **************************
  >
  > On a Fence:
  > "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
  > **************************
  >
  > At a Car Dealership:
  > "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
  > **************************
  >
  > Outside a Muffler Shop:
  > "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
  > **************************
  >
  > In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
  > "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
  > **************************
  >
  > At the Electric Company:
  > "We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
  > However, if you don't, you will be."
  > **************************
  >
  > In a Restaurant window:
  > "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
  > **************************
  >
  > In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
  > "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
  >
  > **************************
  > At a Propane Filling Station,
  > "Thank heaven for little grills."
  > **************************
  >
  > And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
  > "Best place in town to take a leak"
  >
  u/d
• 

  upside/down

  Damn....

  tough crowd....sheeesh.

  u/d(of the I'll keep my day job class)
• 

  Daunt

  HAHA the bear and the atheist were freakin funny. HA so hilarious.
• 

  Jordan

  The bear one was funny, had me laughing out loud.
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  Those were hysterical!! I missed them yesterday....!

  GGG
• 

  tetrapod.sapien

  LMAO!!
• 

  kls

  Heehee U/D , they are great