I'm 18, my whole life i've been fed a lie that my whole family believes is true, they've done nothing but try to help me in what ever ways THEIR religion will allow them, and now wfter being sheltered, confused, but taken care of physically and what my mother thinks is spiritually i'm ready to leave it all ebhind, friends, family and more because now i'm of age and can see the numerous flaws and problems in the orginization. Do i deserve to choose what to do. I'm between a rock and a hardplace. On one side i really want to go my seperate ways because i hate being mislead but i know for sure i will lose all my present ties with my family and friends and im not sure if i can stand on my own two feet. Is it unfair that my realtionship with my girlfriend has to kept under wraps, im paranoid when with her in public because someone i know might see me. should i be putting her through this life sucking ordeal just because of my own insecurities and myself wanting to be a witness and live my own life at once. Shouldn't only i have to deal with this great amount of stress on my own without pulling an innocent, magnificant person into it. How doi diferienciate between where i let the org drown my brain and where i can be free in a wonderful( well it would be if i was more open) relationship. im stuck and as always ConFuseDnStreEed
My life or love? do i deserve to choose?
by ConFuseDnStresSed05 6 Replies latest social relationships
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Crumpet
I've so been where you are. You can stand on your own two feet, but really think about whether you want to do that now and whether you can get a complete education if you do. Its not easy, but at least you are not as naive as I was and have this board and the info here to enlighten you.
As for your girlfriend - its up to her. Give her all the facts so that she can choose whether she wants to ride this storm with you or not.
If you aren;t baptised then you won;t necessaily lose all contact with your family should you choose your own path. And as whether you deserve to or not - yes man! You are as worthy as the next person. You would feel that now if you hadn;t been brought up in the cult.
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Daunt
They're irrationalities are the reason for the possibility of them leaving, not because of you. In all honesty, if they can not accept you for who you are, and still be the friend or family that loves you then it is their problem. Not to say that it is a heartwrenching expense, but the watchtower has drilled into people a self sacraficing attitude. Sacrafice your thoughts for God's thoughts. Sacrafice your experimentation and adventure for the honor of your parents. Do not lean on your own understanding, but from the utterance of God.
I am in the same situation as you in this. I'm 17 and I'm planning to move out in around 3-4 months. Over the past 3 years I have sorta, slipped away from my "friends" in the organization. Some are harder to slip away than others but they have expressed their contempt over the person that I am many times over. I have accepted this contempt, struggled with understanding a life without their conditional love and finally found steps to overcome and progress from that former state. It's tough, however life is progress and you have to progress or else stagnation will kill you mentally.
However, it is totally up to you dude. It will not be the end of the world for you or the people you hurt no matter what you do. -
Cordelia
i completely understand where u are coming from, have u read my recent thread on reinstatement, i got dfed and straight away started to go back to meetings coz of my family as i hurt them so much i couldnt cope, but i have a bf who i love but it is coming between us because basically i cant deal with my familys pressure, but i know ill lose him if i just go back, but i love my family so much,
if u can read my thread (there were two) on reinstatement people have said so many helpful comments which i tgink would apply to u too, and hopefully help u,
all id say is try and be stronger than me and go for what makes u happy coz u know what? in this horrable cruel religon, we cant have our familys and the ones we love, it is unfair and i hope things work out for u?
let me know how u go on
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Crumpet
all id say is try and be stronger than me and go for what makes u happy coz u know what? in this horrable cruel religon, we cant have our familys and the ones we love, it is unfair and i hope things work out for u?
What Cords says is so true above. No one can judge you for the decision you make. But sooner or later you have to decide whether you want your own life or to live your family's life and deny yourself what you want for the rest of your life in order to have them at least speak to you. Its a horrible dilemma. I chose to live my own life and have created lots of new loves and more friends than I could have ever had in a whole life time faking it as a JW. But as a consequence I've had to lose my family and that is always a great loss as strong as if they were dead. If I had to choose again I would still choose the same though because it would be such a waste to live a life of denial as a JW when I don;t believe it.
Have courage and take time to break free if thats what you choose.
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diamondblue1974
You mentioned all this in your thread of a few days ago...you do have the right to do what you please...go with your heart and be happy!
DB74
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estrelasb
I feel your fear, its a terrifying place to find yourself in. Insecurities can eat away until a powerlessness holds you chained. The awful knwing guilt!
Only you can make the decision but I urge you to live the life that your heart and your happiness deserves.
I have learnt to combat the guilt by reminding myself of the love I feel for my family which is seperate from their indoctrinations. It isn't easy but living a lie is the most terrible one can do to their spirit.....it positively kills.
There are so many amazing things out there just waiting for you. You have already had a wonderful experience with your girlfriend and I promise there's more.
When I left the JW's (I wasn't baptized just brought up in it) I hit the road. Even those many miles away in Asia or South America I was grappled with the hurt but I saw the world beyond too and it was one of so many possibilities. Happiness is possib;le but you must follow your own path.
You can not hold the guilt for everyone else, yes you do deserve to live your own life, your own way
Good Luck!!!!!!