Field service was the first thing I quit when I started to fade. I thought about the reasons why people were rejecting us. They are NOT rejecting us because we represent God & his kingdom. They are NOT rejecting us because they are evil people who deserve to die. Rather, people are rejecting us because our message is NOT convincing!
I reasoned that if preaching the "good news" was so important to God, why on earth would he give us an unconvincing message to preach??? Why couldn't he make "the truth" more convincing??? We literally have NOTHING to back up what we say! Referring to the Bible is USELESS when speaking to people who don't believe in the Bible & those who do usually belong to another denomination & accuse us of having our own Bible & a wrong interpretation of scripture!
We can't perform signs or miracles to back up what we preach. We can't heal the sick & infirm, raise the dead, etc. If we are able to perform miraculous works, wouldn't people be captivated instantly & listen to what we say? Wouldn't it prove beyond doubt that there is truth in what we say? Wouldn't we be able to make more disciples? Absolutely!!! Because that would make our message convincing! But since we can't do shit, what's the point???
Furthermore, I realized that the MORE I go out in service, the MORE bloodguilty I would be! If I were to miss talking to someone & that person gets destroyed at Armageddon, I would be bloodguilty! If I wasn't good in my presentation & couldn't convince people & they get destroyed, I would be bloodguilty! If I didn't make return visits & call back on people & they get destroyed, I would be bloodguilty! Fuck this shit, I'm not doing it anymore!
I reasoned that if there was really a loving & caring God, he would NOT destroy 99.99% of the world's population simply because they are not convinced of his message. The reasoning that God is love, BUT he would destroy all non-JW's at Armageddon made no sense at all! (Oh wait, he WILL also destroy spiritually weak JW's & JW's who did not do more, meaning that probably 90% of JW's would be destroyed as well!) I also realized that the main reason why I went out in service was NOT because of love of God. Rather, it was due to fear, obligation, and guilt!
This is how I feel now: I no longer believe in the depressing & unreasonable JW teaching that 99.99% of the world's population would be destroyed at Armageddon. If there really is such a thing as Armageddon, a perfect & loving God would find a reason to save me, not to destroy me!