Posts by jonza

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

We actually met on an online game, as strange as that sounds. But neither was there 'looking' for someone. We talked a little through the online in-game chat, and then through email for a while, then IM, and eventually phone calls then after a even longer while video calls, to finally meeting in person.

Right now, again we are at the place of saying no to kids, as as soon as I bring anything up about my fears about having kids with her, she shuts down and becomes very emotional and says that we're not going to have kids ever etc. I've also said that I have doubts about if we should be together about the WT being put first etc and again she becomes very emotional. To the point of saying, she absolutely hates religion and wants nothing to do with it at all. Again, I believe this is just her in the moment excuse to try to get me not have any doubts about being with her. I think this is part of the manipluation that's been mentioned, something I've saw in her a loooong time ago..

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

You have all given me lots to think about! and I want to thank you for your honest replies. At this stage I'm really not sure what I'm to do. I do love this woman, and aside from religion she's perfect for me. Also, to her 'first times' are very important, and she gave me them all, to end it with her would break her heart. It would break mine too, as I'd probably always feel like I've missed out. However, I know what you're all saying, that this will be extremely hard, and I'm not sure I could take it, or if the relationship could take.

I feel there's something I've not really been clear about: That there have been many times we've both said we can't have kids together due to religion. That breaks her heart, obviously as she really wants them, and to see me bring up mine, I think would crush her through the years. It's something I've known would be too hard for her, but she says she'd rather not have kids than lose me. But that fits with what some of you have said about her saying anything to keep me, and I tend to agree. I know after a few years she'd seriously want them. Then we'd fall right back into all this mess. She would rather not have them than raise them non-JW too. Ughh, this is frustrating. She's extremely difficult to talk to about this, and gets very defensive.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Incognito: I understand her situation and why she has to keep me secret, especially with everything she's willing to give up to be with me. I wasn't aware that she's not allowed to preach while DF, as she thought she could.. I'll tell her that though. We talked about the blood policy and she agreed we would give them blood if required to save their life. As for how she'll be treated, that's her choice to go through that, and I hope it makes her see that it's not showing love at all, and that will help her to leave. As for my kids being treated that way, I will not stand for that, as they are innocent and it's not their choice to endure it. I would not allow them to go if that happened.

Patrick45: I can fully understand that the habit of life can set in and promises start to get broken, but that's part of any life, though I'm under no illusion that this one will be much more challenging. Thanks for the prayers though!

JWdaughter: They know I'm divorced but at the time didn't know it was because of infidelity. Maybe they were just trying to scare her, I don't know. You make some good points about finding out about what she thinks worth spreading door to door. I can't believe I've never thought of asking that. I've tried to get her to think about finding a church together that she can relate to, a few times, I've seen her open to that idea, but it quickly dissapears.

villagegirl:She's actually already been to college and got an education and is working full time. Feel free to ask questions before asuming things please. I have my kids every other weekend and one evening a week, and certainly don't expect (or require) her to be looking after them while I'm at work. The mother of my kids lives a few miles away and is the primary carer of them. They are my kids and I will be looking after them while I have them, like I have been for a while now. All I want from her is to get along with them and spend a little time with them and be nice to them, she loves kids and already does that on video with them. I don't want her as a maid, I want her to go and get a job not for money (I have plenty of that) but to keep her occupied so she's not just sat at home getting bored and down from that. She also wants that for herself too. I'm not going to make her do anything she doesn't want to do though.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

steve2: I most certainly do need help. I go to God all the time, and I seek him for answers, but it's not always easy to descern Gods answers from your own feelings. Maybe it's Gods plan for me to rescue her from this cult?? What's the point of any Christian seeking any help from anyone except God??

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

EndofMysteries: I think you're right about her not being able to find someone in her faith. But she knows full well she will never convert me. I've talked to her for countless hours about all the problems I've found with her religion and she can see most of them. I've showed her the many ways their doctrine is flawed, and she mostly knows and understands why I believe what I do. I've seen the schedule for the next convention and I'm waiting for my time to bring that up with her. I pray that she does leave, but often that seems impossible, despite everything she's agreed upon. The point about birthdays though, her dad being Catholic actually celebrate their birthdays (though basic) so she doesn't have an issue with that one thing at least.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

jgnat: Yes except I wasn't aware of the letter, but I assumed they would do something like that (I was thinking phone call to her old HK).

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

jgnat: Yeah, I've read his book, though I will watch the video linked now. I have already made many mistakes about how to approach her, but I think I'm slowly but surely improving. It's hard to keep my cool at times when she is so defensive at times. I see what you mean about the ratios too with church/KHs, but I'm hoping one on one time with kids by me will help overcome that.. but like you say, I don't want them to grow up hating all religion, I would definitely want them to grow up to become real Christians. When we were first starting our relationship the elders found out about me, and they disciplined her, they told her if we got together it would be many many (implied over 10) years before she would be refellowshipped; from that point on she's hid me. So she's not planning on going back to the KH for at least 6 months after she moves, then she will do her 10hours preaching a month to get refellowshipped, then go back to her 2 hours a week preaching that she used to do when 'spiritually strong'

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Villagegirl1: I am 8 years older than her. My ex-wife divorced me because she found a new guy during a trial seperation. So yes, because of her infedelity. Yes we find each other attractive. But our relationship is defined by friendship not sex. We are far apart but have met many times in person over the last 2 years. Yes, if I marry her it will be my second marriage. edit: I should also point out we spend about 5 hours every single day just talking on video and have done since the day we met.. so I'm pretty sure we know each other very well.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

ABibleStudent: Yes, I've read Steven Hassans freedom of mind book, and I've been trying that approach. It's how I got her to admit that they were at least once false prophets. I've also poured over jwfacts.com and many many many other sites, videos, articles etc etc. Anything I can get my hands on. I've literally spend 100's of hours doing this.

blondie:like I said in my previous post, she's more than aware that she'll be in trouble for this but she has no guilt, she loves me and want desperately to be with me. She wants to move in with me right now and it's been my reluctance that's pushing it back.

She knows 100% what I think about her religion and there's not a single thought in her mind that I would ever convert to become a JW. She even said that if I broke up with her, she wont ever go for another JW to date. She said partly due to their dating policy, but I suspect there's more to it.

Apognophos: Maan, you make some good points.. I think you maybe right about most of those there. I can totally see a lot of that happening... I need to think seriously about what you said..

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

hamsterbait: I may have to take a look at that book. That said, most of the time we're not actually together anyway, so it's not like our relationship is built on sex. At it's core we are very good friends, and most of the time we're just video calling. I'm not sure she really feels guilty at all about what she's doing. She just says 'the heart wants what the heart wants, and it's nothing to do with religion'. You see, her mom essentially did the same thing, except she wasn't baptised and he had no prevous kids, but he was a Catholic. Though sadly now, he's converting. So she just sees herself taking after her mom with this, and has no guilt. Her only regret is getting baptized as it was only a few years before we met.

Frazzled: Your experience is actually what got me to sign up and post here, as I've read a few of your threads and they became even more cautious from the posts.

GrreatTeacher: I agree and I'm very concerned about that too.

I am almost tempted to say I don't want kids with her unless I'm sure she'll come out, but that's not what I want at all. She wants kids a lot, and I couldn't do that to her. I've been tempted many times to break up with her to prevent this, but I just can't let her go.