Posts by jonza

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

I think right now she is coming to terms with everything still before she can start her own research. She just said this morning that she feels like she's been lied to her whole life, and it's hard to take. The thought of her moving to be with me and then being shunned by her family is quite a lot to take right now. I love this woman and I've put in way too much to back out now. I'm not going to jump into marriage with her or kids. I will live with her for a few years at least (she wants the same) before making any life long commitments. I will use this time to help her out of this cult and hopefully into a church.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Update: Since she conceided about the kids issue she has calmed down somewhat. Though a week or so passed and I was still trying to talk to her about religion and she was constantly in shut down mode.. I lost my cool and started ranting about how she's so blind and doesn't see any of it and all the things I've showed her and even what she's admited it doesn't change her view or mind at all..... Anyway at this point, she could see my total frustration and she said: "I have a confession to make".... I quickly calmed down and she started to open up properly for the first time ever about all this!!!

She started telling me about how she's being paying attention to all the times in the meetings when they tell her to obey the FDS, and she's been remembering things in the past they've said too. She said she thinks it's totally wrong that they said obeying the FDS is like obeying Jehovah, and that she's never going to put her faith in men or obey them. Wow!
She admitted how even during her baptism questions a few years ago something seemed wrong about some of the things she had to agree to (she couldn't quite remember what). But she has since started being way more open about this, and has started pointing out the things that she's been hearing in the meetings. Mostly about control. I think she's ready to watch the Hassan video and will hopefully start to identify many more things.

She also said she was thinking about the GB and how they're changing doctrines could be to do with the different men coming and going from the group, and if that's why how can she possibly trust what they're saying today. She was actually thinking for herself, I've never even said that to her. She concluded that this could be life changing for her!!! She said all she wants after her DF is to get reinstated and then to fade. She has said a few times she's actually scared for her family because she's worried what the FDS will say next, like something that could cause them to harm themselves.

She is worried about the shunning, but she's willing to tell her family soon about us. I showed her the FAQs on jw.org about shunning and at first she got excited, but then said "yeah but my mom is SO indoctrinated it won't make a difference". She also admitted to being very indoctrinated herself.

Do you think she's finally starting to wake up? or am I getting excited for nothing? I can still see this process taking a very long time, I'm under no illusion. But from the above I think she's made great progress. I mean, when we do talk about things now, she is waaaaay more open minded, but still very defensive, and is quick to say I'm being disrespectful. I have to approach with caution but it's way better than before.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

I am going to try to get her watch Hassans videos. She let me talk for three hours straight the other night about mind control, so I think she'll be open to it.

We said if it came up, I'd be able to say basically what the Bible teaches, both sides of the argument. If the kids are old enough to ask their old enough to know. I doubt she'd be happy about Christmas celebrations at school/church; I can go a long with that until the kids are old enough to decide for themselves. Besides, they're not in the KHs to hear all the non sense, they will get it from her, but at least will get a balanced view from me. Birthdays are okay with cakes (no candles), presents but no parties, but I can take them out for the day. That's fine with me. Her Dad is not a JW and he would always take her and her bros out somewhere and give them a cake, so she's more open to birthdays. No to thanksgiving, I'm from UK but live in the US, so I don't care. Easter I never celebrated really anyway. I don't give my kids easter eggs or whatever. I focus on what it's really about.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

When you're in love, it's not just a matter of saying what's the big deal? Sure thing, I can drop them just like that.. I have to seriously consider all things, that's why I'm here, and I'm doing my best. But just to drop someone like that is no easy task.

The thought of no kids with me has made her emotionally distraught, just like I thought it would. The only conslusion I can think of is that we can have them, but not be brought up in her religion. She has since agreed to this, and seems to be more happy about things. After all we've talked about how her religion doesn't teach what the really bible teaches and all the deceit and lies that are told to try to force people believing things, and how me the kids Dad would be told is a Satan worshiper and will be horribly killed at Armageddon, she realizes that it would be better to bring them up in my religion. With the caveat that they don't celebrate Christmas, mostly no tree/decorations except they are allowed to get and open presents on Christmas day (I'm not sure how else she thinks we celebrate it, maybe bowing down to the Christmas tree or something lol), I can live with that. A lot of people don't bother with a tree/decoartions, I never cared. Also, she doesn't want me teaching them the trinity. Again, in church, this isn't something that's really talked about all that much, at least not the word.

It was actually quite funny, (I'm not interested in debating doctrine here) but I got her to basically describe who Jesus is, how he is God, but also the Son, but not the Father, and there is only one God etc basically she explained her belief as being the trinity but is still dead set against the idea of the trinity lol. Go figure.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

I've told her many times I will never ever convert. She knows this full well. She knows I am 100% against her religion and yes I have told her I think it's a cult (I know that's not always smart to do but she was able to take it). I've now started to tell her that if we ever have kids they will have nothing to do with her religion. I am happy to educate our kids on what they believe, but only with the aim in mind that they can know what the bible really says and so they can refute it. If she still wants to be with me, and she does, then she has to be aware of the reality of that.

Like you say though, I am concerned she will try and change me once married. But that will not happen. She has already asked me to stop looking into her religion seeing as we're not going to have kids. I said I will never ever stop. I am going into this hoping that she will change, but I have to understand that she may never. I think that that could be a real strain on our relationship, well all of this will be.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Okay, so I've been listening to a few meetings on this channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/JFCongregation/videos are these meetings real? They sound real. I listened to one about babylon the great, and yes that is pretty hard hitting. There's no way I'd let my kids hear how their Dad worships satan/demons and is part of a world wide false religion. I'm so glad I asked this question here, I wish I had a long time ago. I've told my gf this already, and have said there's no way any kids we had would step into a KH. She just says we're not having any then... So given that, should I still move forward with this relationship? I'm sure she will at some point want them, will I be able to keep her from taking them to a KH?

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Okay, so like I said we've gone to and fro about having kids, and listening to the comments here I've pretty much decided I will not allow her to take them to a KH at all. She's very upset, as I knew she would be, and is saying she would rather not have kids at all. This is where she gets very emotional and it's almost impossible to talk to her at all about anything. She cannot think straight about anything, and is just jealous that I have given kids to my ex, but apparently won't give them to her, (even though I will but not allow them to be brought up in her religion). Like a few have said, to knowingly allow kids be any part of this cult is akin to child abuse. I'd never thought of it that way, and I will not stand for that.

I have seem her cult and authentic personalities many times. Whenever we're not talking about religion or anything related she is her authentic self, and when I approach her calmly about religion she 80% of the time is herself. But if ever things get slightly heated or on a subject she's passionate about (trinity and holidays primarly) her cult persona comes out in full force.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

We actually met on an online game, as strange as that sounds. But neither was there 'looking' for someone. We talked a little through the online in-game chat, and then through email for a while, then IM, and eventually phone calls then after a even longer while video calls, to finally meeting in person.

Right now, again we are at the place of saying no to kids, as as soon as I bring anything up about my fears about having kids with her, she shuts down and becomes very emotional and says that we're not going to have kids ever etc. I've also said that I have doubts about if we should be together about the WT being put first etc and again she becomes very emotional. To the point of saying, she absolutely hates religion and wants nothing to do with it at all. Again, I believe this is just her in the moment excuse to try to get me not have any doubts about being with her. I think this is part of the manipluation that's been mentioned, something I've saw in her a loooong time ago..

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

You have all given me lots to think about! and I want to thank you for your honest replies. At this stage I'm really not sure what I'm to do. I do love this woman, and aside from religion she's perfect for me. Also, to her 'first times' are very important, and she gave me them all, to end it with her would break her heart. It would break mine too, as I'd probably always feel like I've missed out. However, I know what you're all saying, that this will be extremely hard, and I'm not sure I could take it, or if the relationship could take.

I feel there's something I've not really been clear about: That there have been many times we've both said we can't have kids together due to religion. That breaks her heart, obviously as she really wants them, and to see me bring up mine, I think would crush her through the years. It's something I've known would be too hard for her, but she says she'd rather not have kids than lose me. But that fits with what some of you have said about her saying anything to keep me, and I tend to agree. I know after a few years she'd seriously want them. Then we'd fall right back into all this mess. She would rather not have them than raise them non-JW too. Ughh, this is frustrating. She's extremely difficult to talk to about this, and gets very defensive.

130

Involved with a JW woman

by jonza in

okay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.

i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.

we're in love and seriously want to be together.

jonza

Incognito: I understand her situation and why she has to keep me secret, especially with everything she's willing to give up to be with me. I wasn't aware that she's not allowed to preach while DF, as she thought she could.. I'll tell her that though. We talked about the blood policy and she agreed we would give them blood if required to save their life. As for how she'll be treated, that's her choice to go through that, and I hope it makes her see that it's not showing love at all, and that will help her to leave. As for my kids being treated that way, I will not stand for that, as they are innocent and it's not their choice to endure it. I would not allow them to go if that happened.

Patrick45: I can fully understand that the habit of life can set in and promises start to get broken, but that's part of any life, though I'm under no illusion that this one will be much more challenging. Thanks for the prayers though!

JWdaughter: They know I'm divorced but at the time didn't know it was because of infidelity. Maybe they were just trying to scare her, I don't know. You make some good points about finding out about what she thinks worth spreading door to door. I can't believe I've never thought of asking that. I've tried to get her to think about finding a church together that she can relate to, a few times, I've seen her open to that idea, but it quickly dissapears.

villagegirl:She's actually already been to college and got an education and is working full time. Feel free to ask questions before asuming things please. I have my kids every other weekend and one evening a week, and certainly don't expect (or require) her to be looking after them while I'm at work. The mother of my kids lives a few miles away and is the primary carer of them. They are my kids and I will be looking after them while I have them, like I have been for a while now. All I want from her is to get along with them and spend a little time with them and be nice to them, she loves kids and already does that on video with them. I don't want her as a maid, I want her to go and get a job not for money (I have plenty of that) but to keep her occupied so she's not just sat at home getting bored and down from that. She also wants that for herself too. I'm not going to make her do anything she doesn't want to do though.