She also told me that I've made her life so much more difficult now, as she married me, knowing that I was a spiritual man; she never thought she would have to deal with this. Needless to say, this breaks my heart. I love her very much, and do not want to cause her, or anyone else pain.
It's almost as if I'd written this myself. My wife, similar to yours, has dismissed literally everything I've discussed with her. The things I talked to her about prior to "coming out" as being apostate, she dismissed so thoroughly that she will insist that I never spoke to her about it. Everyone's situation is different and nuanced, and often the advice is to take your time and go slow, in my case I think that may have been a mistake. I've given up on getting my wife to wake up, and the year I spent completely mentally "out" seems to have caused her to have a lot of distrust for me. You might consider being honest with your wife and how that might play out. It's a difficult decision, though, and one that can only be made reliably with the power of hindsight.
You're in a tough spot. Make sure to take care of yourself while you're dealing with all this - get rest, eat healthy, work out, get a massage, enjoy some recreation and de-stress. This will help you to deal with the elevated levels of stress that you've got going on. You'll have to be balanced with changes, though, as your wife will likely be threatened by them. Regardless of how open you are about your doubts, I would suggest you try to be open and reassuring about the reasons for any changes in your life. Try to make any changes you make have a positive element for your family as well - you've stepped down from being an elder, don't spend your extra time watching TV, spend it doing something that your family will enjoy. Make your stepping down the best thing that ever happened to them. This in itself may be enough to make them rethink things because the lie that the cult tells is that an elder family head is the best thing for the family's happiness...expose that string and maybe they'll pull at it and unravel the whole thing.
Like you, all my family and all my wife's family are JWs. I've started branching out a little and have made some friends at work, which is probably the easiest place to start (hopefully you don't work for JWs...) but even that is a balancing act.
Lastly, as you've discovered, you can't reason someone out of the cult. I wrote a post (link) a while back on this very topic. People don't believe or do things because of evidence and reason, it's because of emotion. Even your leaving the cult because of flawed doctrine and false prophecy can be traced back to an emotional motivation. I have yet to find an emotional motivation strong enough to cause my wife to reexamine things, but maybe you can.
Sometimes it works out and people can make a marriage work with a still-in JW after leaving, sometimes it just can't work out. I hope it does in your case. I'm still struggling with it 2 years after waking up and nearly a year after I've stopped going to meetings completely. So I might not be able to offer the best of advice, but at the very least you should know you're not alone in this by any means. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. Like I said, I might not be flush with good advice, but I can definitely commiserate.
