Kate - I understand why you're taking your position on this thread, in addition to your unfortunate personal circumstances.
You seem to completely disregard race, ethnicity and culture (99 times out of a hundred a very good thing) but I tend to be critical.
You, therefore, come across as a nice person (I'm sure you are) whereas I come across as a bit of a b*****d (it's true - I am).
I really do hope that you and your family get the help you need and that your ex and any negligant police and social services get properly punished.
Take care
LUHE