questioningmyfaith,
It sounds to me like you are about 95 per cent JW and about 5 per cent doubter.
When you talked to your elders, did they encourage you to get out in the field service more often and remain firmly within "Jehovahs modern day ark"?
If I were you I would listen to them and do just that. Get right back in there and give it 150 per cent!
I know that's what I did! I was once right where you are at right now. So I listened to the advice of the elders and jumped right back in determined to be the best damn JW there ever was!
And, you know where it got me? The deeper that I dug my head into the Organization, the harder that I tried to be a super-duper JW, the more things began to become crystal clear.
I realized that I was trying to live a lie! And the more I realized that if this really wasn't working for me, how could I go out door-to-door and endorse this "religion" with a clear conscience?
Yep, go out in service more, place more magazines and books. That was always the stock answer I got when seeking advice from the elders (no matter what the question was).
So I would advise you to go out in service more and place more magazines and books. Then come back here after a while and let us know how it's working for you!
Seek truth and you will find it!