Thank you for sharing. This was informative and meaningful. This funeral your beloved cousin planned sounds like it was healing for her to plan and for all of you to attend, strengthening even. Impressive for an atheist to do this, brave making these kinds of plans.
I think it would be helpful for me to plan my own music, etc. I planned a beautiful thing for my mother, back in 94, even though I was an inactive JW at the time. Mom was not a JW, ever, and I planned it according to how I thought she would feel most understood, appreciated and honored. She didn't know many people anymore, so I asked some of the kinder JWs I knew to attend so there would be more than just family.
We have a green burial section to the cemetery closest to me. They don't do the tree thing though. They do the plain brass plate thing. I like the idea of the tree, even if you are cremated. In reading about the wicker container, it occurred to me: if we are cremated, we don't leave a record for future scientists to study. They would find a lot of amalgam fillings in my back teeth, for sure.