Posts by Alive!

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Aren't you all lovely? Just lovely.

i want to reply to each and everyone of you - it's so good to be heard. To be understood.

You know, a couple of points that stand out - "survival of the fittest" and "eating up their own"

A close non-JW relative of ours observed EXACTLY that point.

She also said something on the lines that "the religion seems to spit out those who get weak and are in need".

She saw neglect in action when I took her with me to visit a needy sister.

Together we put together a box of food, tried to clean her house and went back with more supplies. The sister kept curtains drawn and was deeply depressed....but managed to get to the meetings.

No-one - I mean NO-ONE in her congregation helped. I lived 45 minutes from her and my relative and I were the only ones that kept tabs on her and her little family.

Just brothers would turn up in suits seeing if they could start a study with her youngest. And leave without any offer to put in a few hours of much needed practical help.

The relative in question was absolutely disgusted that this woman's "church" - ie her KH - they did nothing to support her in a practical way, like clearing the yard, or small jobs.

i noticed that my local church has a telephone number for those in the community who may need an odd job done by a handy man.... Free of charge.

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Well, it's a few hours since I logged on.

Thank you so much for the helpful responses.

I have just spent two days in bed. Feeling depressed. Just feeling everything but good things.

My life is not one big sad story and neither is my future.

I guess I'm just processing this transition.

I do have much to look forward to - but as you all know, it's no small thing to have your beliefs die on you...and to lose your "life" as you knew it in the process.

I felt suicidal this morning - just felt it, had no plans to action it.

It's these feelings of unreality that get me. I know you'll all understand.

Having this place to write in has helped me through the past hours.

Just glad I'm not passing on this nightmare to another soul by preaching the spurious good news of the WTBS.

14

Thinking of Becoming One of Jehovah's Witnesses?

by The Searcher in

if you become one of jehovah's witnesses, here are five points which will not be driven home to you until after you have been baptized as "one of jw's":.

1) you will be required to commit as much of your time and financial resources as you are able - to further the aims & acquisitions of the billion dollar corporation known as the wtbts/ccojw - namely, to recruit new members and to increase their worldwide real estate empire.. 2) you will be required to terminate "worldly" association with former friends.. 3) you will be "expected" to attend each and every meeting, assembly, convention, and kh televised broadcasts which are arranged by the self-proclaimed "governing body" (g.b.

) in brooklyn, n.y.. 4) you will be required to blindly accept any decisions/directions issuing forth from the g.b., even if you disagree with it.

Alive!

This is a double standard for them as when they are studying with you they will tell you it is OK to questions everything and examine your beliefs but they don't tell you that is not allowed once your in.

So true. I was declared to be a fantastic study who asked loads of good questions and really checked everything.

When I look back - I just didn't ask the right questions.

I remember challenging the beard issue - somehow it got lost in the powerful 1914 equation which was embedded in famous quotes from historians about the new era following the breakout of WW1... So I let it go.... Somehow my instinct got submerged.

Working in the corporate world, I kind of got that beards were perhaps suspect.

How stupid. So dressing up like one of the mafia in a smart suit, tie and shirt or a money making business man is more Christlike than wearing a soft beard and a polar fleece?

I like suits. But really, how does a suit or beardless face reflect a more obedient Christlike manner?

Crooks wear suits. Clean shaven politicians where suits. Nice ordinary people where suits.

I remember how new "studies" would be observed.... How pleased everyone was when a new guy would come to the meeting in a suit and tie after wearing casual clothes.

The first step on the ladder.

I confess to loving the congregational approval as I "grasped" deeper spiritual truths.

Truths that are now old hat. Discarded. And I prayed in gratitude for being given 'insight'.

In the end, after 20 odd years, my conscience and dignity were being trodden down by men who couldn't care less about me or mine.

I'll never forget the day an elder gave the prayer after our Sunday meeting.

"Thank you Jehovah for all the new truths you have given us over the years".

It made no sense. And I couldn't imagine teaching others this.

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Thank you for your suggestions Rebel - and others who responded.

i love the suggestion to find a seniors group - LOL.

i hadn't thought of myself as being that bracket!

Anyway, I know the only way forward is to build a new life.

We are still repairing from a lot of grief - and probably best at making new friends once we feel stronger.

Still too much JW air around us.

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Yes, Magnum's pizza and blood illustration is brilliant! LOL.

14

Where did the Buzz go?

by snugglebunny in

jw
friends

i recently came across the very first kingdom song i ever heard.

twickenham, 1955. i was just a kid then of course, but i do recall the "buzz" that seemed to permeate everything, not dis-similar to that of an international rugby match.

people were smiling while singing their hearts out, the lunch-time queues for the cafeteria full of old friends getting re-aquainted, young lads and lasses eyeing one another and blushing furiously, sessions 2 untl 4 then 7 until 9.30 giving folk plenty of time to socialise.. where did it all go wrong?.

Alive!

When I first converted, I was overwhelmed with the hope for mankind.

I believed that only and absolutely only the most wicked and deviant could possibly reject Jehovah, at that final Armageddon hour.

That even those who rejected the "truth" now - would joyfully acknowledge Jah and Jesus at the final push, somehow.

I loved the sense of purpose, the conventions, the working together to provide hot meals.

But..... Even back 25 years ago, I'd get qualms about stuff that didn't make sense.

I buried any concerns - after all, wasn't this the true religion?

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Thank you again to Simon and et al for this space to write.

I feel guilty if people go to the trouble of reading my vent - you all have enough on your plates. Having said that - this is helping me through a bad few hours where several things came to a head. So forgive me if I keep tapping.

By the I have started volunteering, and LOVE it. Thanks for the heads up though - I knew I needed to make myself feel valuable and with purpose.

i don't do rejection well - I really don't.

I don't think anyone does rejection "well" - but in my case, the sting of rejection taps into an old childhood issue.

Two of my closest friends who have been wonderful to me in the past -( and I hope I have cared for them through the years ) have said that it's hard to maintain a relationship with me as I have been offensive about the Slave. I showed them a series of issues with intellectual dishonesty in the magazines, these issues were brought to my attention by a recipient of my preaching work a few years ago. LOL. Trinity brochure, Creation book etc.

What really got me was my trusted friends' complete refusal to admit to a problem.

Instead, one accused me of being ungrateful to Jehovah by rejecting his 'bread' or criticising it. That hurt. I am a people pleaser it would seem - being reviled and having my character undermined hurts and I find it hard to not let the sting undermine my inner sense of self.

I haven't handled all this entirely well I have to admit - but you know, I kind of guessed that one way or the other, our absence meant we were dead meat.

I have presented criticisms and exposed problems as in " how would an outsider see this?"

People are desperately tired of religion - we held up this "faith" as the only hope - and then we give them evidence of not having Holy Spirit... by biblical standards.

People deserve better than this. Becoming JW is not like becoming a Christian.

i experienced an outpouring of criticism and self defence, ending with them proudly announcing that at least "they held fast to loyalty".

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, hoped to have children in the "new system" - the high profile Elder and his wife who originally studied with us, were strong supporters of the "no children" thing as were several of their Elder family friends.

I have watched witness children in my congregation fall into serious drug abuse, losing their lives, turning to prostitution. It's seriously upset me over the years how many kids fall on the wayside, get left behind because "they need to come back to Jehovah".

A sister bumped into me in a local showing mall recently - after saying how well I looked, she put on a sad face and said "have you left Jehovah - will you return to him?".

Another sent me a poem a couple of years ago.....which was half jokey and half serious - the last line ended "RIP Bob and Sue" after references to our departure from regular meeting attendance.

These particular Sisters wield a fair amount of social control in our congregation.

i guess some of you will know the sickening in the stomach feeling such personalities can cause......once upon a time these women "loved" to be my friends....I guess I was a more attractive associate when I was in the zone, when I had hundreds of 'friends'.

Now - it's like they never existed.

During the months where our attendance was patchy, I remember being asked to host a party for a couple of young witnesses who were getting engaged. We had 100 plus people in our large entertainment friendly home. It was a stunning night. A few weeks later, the same month they held a going away party to which the entire congregation was invited -.5 minutes before we left the Sunday meeting, one of their flat mates asked if we'd like to come. We had no idea there was to be a party, so we turned up expecting a small gathering for this "last minute" BBQ.

When we walked in and saw the huge banquet and nearly the entire congregation, we realised with a stab that we had been invited as last minute thought.

I knew what was going on - I suspected there was a form of marking - a couple of months later we were not invited to a congregation do - great apologies from the organising team, but we hadn't been at the meeting where invites were distributed.

That's right. I was struggling with depression. I needed comfort. True and kind social interaction. Warm cheer...the stuff of human life. But no meeting, well no invite.

We had ZERO converts in our congregation from outside in the 25 years we attended and made this "truth our own". Except for a couple of seriously whacky people.

Guess it works for some ......and of course, we who leave are the ones with the problem.

Sorry, I sound bitter. I don't think I am though - I'm hurt to the core..

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

Alive!

Hi

i read here regularly and although I haven't joined in, I really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences....

i was a convert. I won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where I live, with my husband.

So, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced JW dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

When we started going again - it was clear to us that we were "marked"....invites to social events would be called out to others, over our heads. We had fought a deeply personal battle and had come through, we were standing firm together and here we were, feeling like outcasts in our congregational "family" as we plastered on smiles and tried to get back into congregation life.

i guess it hit us, that we had no JW friends who we could trust as "life buddies".

I started going out on service nearly every day - my heart sank more and more as uncomfortable realities kept challenging me. I would endure, for the "truth". But the "truth" was falling apart.

The generation teachings, the incredible inconsistency of the blood doctrine.

I challenged a couple of highly experienced pioneer friends to explain how fractionated blood drawn from stored whole blood is a matter of conscience, I asked them to imagine the question came from a non-witness. My heart sank further as I listened to these people talk absolute rubbish.

it's like 'cake' - they said. All the ingredients make cake, but apart from cake they are something else, eggs, flour etc.

My pioneer friends missed the point completely that blood, "sacred blood" must be drawn and stored to produce fractions. When I pointed this out - they ran a mile.

One said they'd do some research. Really? Never heard back.

I could write pages....your stories and experiences reflect mine so closely, I could easily cut and paste the posts of others and claim them as my own!

We've gone from being a "much loved" popular couple to having no support network in our home town. We are 60 years old. No children. Out in the cold. We invested in a "family" that is not family unless you swallow the same lies and deceits.

I struggle, the toll on my mental health is huge.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone (((( hugs)))) to you all.

29

Thankyou tv.jw! you are helping my wife wake up!

by stuckinarut2 in

i have to thank tv.jw!!!

(im not putting the complete link, but you know what i mean).

after showing my wife the 'trolley song' as we now call it, she was rolling on the floor in embarrassment and shock.. she shook her head, and was clearly troubled by what we watched.. little by little, the org is actually helping more to wake up!

Alive!

Good grief. Seriously.

No decent person with a heart of integrity is going to be drawn to all this junk.

My non-witness family and friends would have no respect for this.

Sadly, if I were to say anything to witness friends...I'd be judged as being over critical.

But we all know, the truly "spiritually hungry" they are trying to reach would not be attracted to this media disaster.

More stumbling from Bethel - add it to the list including the Caleb and Sofia obsessions and let's not forget the deaf masturbation video. This is all worthless distraction costing dollars, dollars and dollars.

Meanwhile, the sore at heart and hurt are being left behind on the wayside.