Alive!

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Posts by Alive!

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  36

  How do stop myself getting too Bitter?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you know, i always maintained that during this fading process, and while learning ttatt, i would not let myself get "bitter twisted and angry".... but, in all honesty, if i examine myself, i have become quite bitter toward the org, toward the false friends and the gb.. i have become angry as i see the extent of damage i feel being raised in "the truth" has done.... i feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc.... how do i not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?.

  i have always been a very happy, positive, selfless person.

  i can put people at ease, i am someone people feel comfortable chatting to.

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  Alive!

  Voodoo Lady - Yes, I can definitely say I feel like someone I didn't think I could be....that in itself is a big hurt and obstacle.
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  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

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  Alive!

  Pete Zahut7 minutes ago

  I never heard the "songbook in the mailbox" thing, but I heard plenty calling "dibs" after Armageddon on some of the nicer waterfront homes in our territory.

  
  

  Un-believable! I wonder what our householders would have thought - knowing that their homes were being eyed up for occupation after they'd been slaughtered.
  Over the past 48 hours I can sense that I'm letting "stuff" that was really upsetting me over the years take on real meaning. My cognitive dissonance was so extreme to manage all this. I wrote the previous post about the "dibs" thing - and on reading your reply I have a sense of "sounding this down".
  It was such crap. What "spirit" truly operates in this organisation.Imagine explaining the "joke" to a quiet, going about his business, Christian - hey, our friend over there fancies your house, he was just sizing it up.... I'll explain why!.... And then giving them one of our horrible hate tracts on false religion.
  Awful. I need a new brain. My old one must have been diseased.
  
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  48

  How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

  start the count here with my wife and i.

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  Alive!

  I didn't know that GrreatTeacher, re marriage.
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  48

  How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

  start the count here with my wife and i.

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  Alive!

  I think I'm okay with not having children - but I must confess, that during the latter years when we were struggling, it hurt to take in the full scope of what would be missing in our future.

  What makes me want to hurl something is that when I step back, and think of the sheer control exerted into our lives. I'm shaking my head.

  Another issue ( sorry, no derailing intended) was regarding the resurrection of marraige mates. The "teaching" has changed on that too I believe.

  The emotions, hopes and expectations of people are played with horribly...

  And switched in a five lined paragraph on a Sunday afternoon without a flicker of "could we possibly offer you some counselling to help in your adjustment to our new reality for you?"

  Read paragraph, repeat answer. Well done. Time to go home.

  The loving bastards.
• 
  36

  How do stop myself getting too Bitter?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you know, i always maintained that during this fading process, and while learning ttatt, i would not let myself get "bitter twisted and angry".... but, in all honesty, if i examine myself, i have become quite bitter toward the org, toward the false friends and the gb.. i have become angry as i see the extent of damage i feel being raised in "the truth" has done.... i feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc.... how do i not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?.

  i have always been a very happy, positive, selfless person.

  i can put people at ease, i am someone people feel comfortable chatting to.

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  Alive!

  Bitterness should be seen as a natural, understandable reaction without any need to apologize for it. It shouldn't be allowed to swallow you up but it still serves an emotional purpose.

  True!
• 
  36

  How do stop myself getting too Bitter?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you know, i always maintained that during this fading process, and while learning ttatt, i would not let myself get "bitter twisted and angry".... but, in all honesty, if i examine myself, i have become quite bitter toward the org, toward the false friends and the gb.. i have become angry as i see the extent of damage i feel being raised in "the truth" has done.... i feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc.... how do i not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?.

  i have always been a very happy, positive, selfless person.

  i can put people at ease, i am someone people feel comfortable chatting to.

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  2. 
  3. 
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  Alive!

  Being an XJW is like living life in the ocean with the tide rising and falling around you. One minute you're stuck in a trough of bad memories and sour feelings. But, the next minute you could be catching that Big Wave and surfing through life feeling excellent!

  Yes.
  
  
• 
  48

  How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

  start the count here with my wife and i.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
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  Alive!

  Sparrowdown,

  I remember many stories of those who "gave up family" for the religion. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

  And the attraction of "family" that was promised, a global brotherhood .....using exactly that scripture.

  I remember getting into the new habit of calling my Mother and Father and my non- witness friends "worldly".

  My parents believed in God, lived exemplary lives - but just were not religious.

  Worldly - yeah right.
• 
  48

  How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

  by stuckinarut2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

  start the count here with my wife and i.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Alive!

  Myself....I can think of 5 couples from our congregation. Now aged in their late 50s to 60s.

  However, they are all born in with loads of family.
• 
  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Alive!

  A question.

  How many of you have heard brothers and sisters talk about putting their songbook in the mailbox of a desirable property to "bag" it for the new system.

  i have experienced hearing this in Europe and the other side of the world.

  They were half joking. No- one left a songbook. But... These are their Christian thoughts????

  The first time I heard this out on ministry I felt sick.

  The last time was also my last time on ministry.... About 2-3 years ago?

  A highly regarded, influential and popular family moved into our congregation.

  Out on midweek ministry, the eldest son proposed leaving his songbook in a spectacular coastal property - his father chortled. I said I thought it was disgusting and walked away.

  Last time on ministry. Another nail in the coffin. I knew I was done for!! LOL.
• 
  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Alive!

  Hi everyone.

  i have been reading and reading - each and everyone of you has left treasures.

  I'm a little overwhelmed in being able to respond to so many - every single post has resonated with me.

  WingCommander - Im so sorry for your nightmare existence within the religion - I don't know you, but I think of the many who suffer the same neglect in many, many congregations. In every congregation we have stayed in - there have been the impoverished and neglected.... Unless they were pioneering they got ZERO help.

  "You must have been wealthy or well-off, or benefited them somehow I imagine to be so well thought of to be invited to everything before?"

  I guess you got that one right. I suppose from day one, we were somewhat coveted. Apparently normal and successful youngish people in "the world" - and yes, in a decent financial position after being in the right place at the right time for work opportunities....

  As I reflect on this life with the religion, I suspect it tapped into my core weaknesses and needs on one level, my inner childish desire for approval was not too healthy - whilst the hope that our earth has a purpose made my heart soar.

  i have a tendency to idealism. LOL.

  I wanted to be my brother's keeper. I stretched out for that. But looking back, I'm ashamed. I should have been stronger.

  I WANTED a spiritual society of like minded people - I WANTED everyone, no matter what race or background to be brothers and sisters - from the socially and economically neediest to the more privileged. I wanted to stand shoulder to shoulder with fellow humans.

  Initially - the appearance was of unity, brotherhood. Very quickly we were part of the "cool crowd" - your summary of the social structure and hierarchy rings very true.

  The first niggle and shock we got - and this was in the first couple of years of conversion - was the cynical view many elders had of the R and F.

  The stories, secrets and scandals that were told at those Elder drinking parties.... We should have run. But the power of the greater concept was so great.

  The power of the prophecies, the power of that magical equation for 1914.....the rejection of pagan holidays, the rejection of burning hell - it was intoxicating.

  Until one day.........

  Sorry, this is brief and scrappy compared to all the fantastic posts here - I'm just tapping, tapping and please may I tell you all - you are ALL making a difference.

  I do feel better today.

  As Millie said -" I know where to assign craziness now."

  I'm not defective. I may be broken, but I'm OK.