I hear ya.
I have some thoughts about these things......don't laugh, but somehow, I don't blame 'the higher power' - it's our man made foolishness that creates the stuff that hurts and betrays.
Sometimes I read a beautiful book or a stirring piece of poetry, 'scripture' is everywhere .....the heart has a desire and joy in the spiritual, you know?
Our myths, our collective stories since the time we could first record human experience calls for life, for future life untainted, a paradise/ heaven if you like.
My gut feeling says keep searching, keep faith.
The JWs are tiny, absolutely a tiny, tiny episode in the history of mankind - the hard part is having trusted so much, in the face of such spiritual deceit and bullying of our consciences.
But really, the WT is only as big and significant as they perceive themselves....my bad for listening and ignoring warning bells.
But there just a 'convert's' experience. Different to one who was born in.