It is fantastic that you and your wife are escaping together. We did the same thing. It's wonderful to be on the "same page." Freedom is wonderful!!!
Regarding this letter:
" The letter which was orally read to all servants and elders was that if the child was still living at home, attending meeting meetings and regularly contributing in the ministry that the elder or servant would be "ok.". They provided a loophole effectively but only for higher ups."
We saw so many of the Elders kids going to college. Don't get me wrong, we 100% agree that the kids should get an education but the double standards are incredible. If a Brother doesn't get the magic 10 hours a month in service, he can't have any "priveledges" (except donating $, cleaning the toilets or taking the CO or speaker to dinner) but if your college bound kid does all the tasks (The tasks that get him/her labeled a "spiritual" young one) than that's ok, they get a free pass.
Trust me when I tell you this (right from one of my kids mouths). These kids know exactly what is going on. They can see right through the hypocrisy and want NO part of it. This is why the 20ish kids are exiting. This generation of kids know that the kids that "look spiritual" know how to play the spiritual game. Elder Daddy has taught them that this is what is required of you if you want to go to college. We had one of the teenage kids in our Hall confess to us that his Father warned/threatened him, "don't make me look bad or loose my priveledges in the Congregation."
There was an article (Watchtower) several years back that if you sent your kids to college you lacked faith. This was one of those head scratching moments for us. We asked...if your kids are in college and your an Elder doesn't that mean that Elder lacks faith? How can they remain an Elder if he lacks faith? Maybe Blondie knows the article I am referring to (it was a study article).
The Hypocrisy is just mind boggling.
Keep us posted on your progress. It's so good to hear so many are stepping up to the plate and moving on.