Heaven: You're so right. You can't help them if they're fighting you off. We just have to be who they know us to be; without the cult. And wait.
Gayle: Hello in Phoenix! Nice to meet you. Here's to happiness!
Posts by alamb
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10Our Strengths...a list of attributes post-cult
by alamb infound this tonite while online.
i was comforted to know that we have all come out stronger...and why.. compassion & empathy: having survived cultic abuse, you may be readier to empathize with someone else's grief.
it's easy to see the difference between the care and concern our commenters show each other and the hurtful sarcasm so prevalent in the blogosphere.
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10
Our Strengths...a list of attributes post-cult
by alamb infound this tonite while online.
i was comforted to know that we have all come out stronger...and why.. compassion & empathy: having survived cultic abuse, you may be readier to empathize with someone else's grief.
it's easy to see the difference between the care and concern our commenters show each other and the hurtful sarcasm so prevalent in the blogosphere.
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alamb
to us
I wrote this awhile back...still true.
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As a loyal JW, I was ready for my whole world to come to an earth-shattering halt and for life as I knew it to be gone...at the hand of my loving God. I would sit in school in my mental bubble and numb myself to the world around me. I grew older and entered the adult world and was aloof in my thoughts that I could not attach myself to any workmates or neighbors and put out my hand in friendship as they could be dead tomorrow and I would have to be OK with that. I only remember a life of grey, shades of grey punctuated by flashes of color and emotion which I quickly prayed to get through and to not be tempted by the colors I had seen. I viewed these as a sign of spiritual weakness and dove back into studying and praying and a living death I called "spiritual paradise".
After leaving that life behind I now find myself in an exploding rush of emotion and passion and life. Life the people around me think nothing of but it is almost too painful and beautiful and wonderful to endure. I am touched to the soul at the sight of people holding hands, and cry when babies laugh, and am intoxicated by the beauty around me. I am exhausted at the end of each day with the emotions I now can almost taste and the tuggings and longings I now feel to my bones. I want to see it all. I want to feel everything. I want to thank everyone who had a hand in dragging me from the lifeless shell I was in while I fought them off and never forget that kindness and humanity.
Thank you to the posters here for extending your hands and hearts, the lurkers for your curious spirits ( you aren't seen or heard but are very much felt), and the friends I have made for being the voice on the other end of the phone pointing the way for me, and to the friends I have yet to meet (may we walk this journey together). Life is good.
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10
Our Strengths...a list of attributes post-cult
by alamb infound this tonite while online.
i was comforted to know that we have all come out stronger...and why.. compassion & empathy: having survived cultic abuse, you may be readier to empathize with someone else's grief.
it's easy to see the difference between the care and concern our commenters show each other and the hurtful sarcasm so prevalent in the blogosphere.
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alamb
You're welcome. I wish they were my words.
Someone on the board once noted: "We are all here because we faced losing everything we knew in the face of finding out we had been wrong. And we chose to make it right at the highest price."
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Our Strengths...a list of attributes post-cult
by alamb infound this tonite while online.
i was comforted to know that we have all come out stronger...and why.. compassion & empathy: having survived cultic abuse, you may be readier to empathize with someone else's grief.
it's easy to see the difference between the care and concern our commenters show each other and the hurtful sarcasm so prevalent in the blogosphere.
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alamb
Found this tonite while online. I was comforted to know that we have all come out stronger...and why.
- Compassion & Empathy: Having survived cultic abuse, you may be readier to empathize with someone else's grief. It's easy to see the difference between the care and concern our commenters show each other and the hurtful sarcasm so prevalent in the blogosphere.
- Analytical Thought: Most former cult members who go through conscious recovery — whether with a professional or on their own — think deeply about their core concerns. Duped in the past, you may exercise keen judgment and discernment so it never happens again
- Social Activism & Altruism: Perhaps you joined a cult to seek spirituality or social justice. This often remains a core value after you leave. You may go on to political activism, cult activism, involvement in charity through your church or other organizations.
- Survival: Don't overlook the simple fact you survived cultic abuse with your mind and body intact. Celebrate this every day.
- Courage: This is particularly true if you walked out on your own. And it's present to the nth degree if you are an adult child of cult members. You never knew another way of life and may have lost your family and friend support network when you left. Yet you still left — and stayed out.
- Resourcefulness: Anybody who leaves a cult demonstrates a high-degree of self-reliance, resourcefulness, and independence. These strengths are strong pillars you will build a new life on.
- Skills: Don't overlook the skills you learned in your cult. Perhaps you learned a craft or profession. Using them after you leave is an ultimate revenge on the cult. But nearly everyone in a proselytizing group learned how to speak articulately and passionately. These are skills that are invaluable in career and family life.
- Sense of Humor: Freud termed this a "high-level defense" and praised its value for meeting life's challenges. In the cult, maybe we relied on sarcasm and other hurtful speech. But our commenters here show a gentle, playful sense of humor that is life-supporting.
- Optimism: People who throw off their cults' shackles are among the most optimistic people I know. You show a realistic view of the amazing possibilities of life now lived in freedom.
- Gratitude: It's easy to be grateful for every day lived when you recover from repression, fear, anxiety, depression, harsh judgment, and the other cult-life realities.
- Honesty & Trustworthiness: Many of us react strongly to the lies, fraud, and even criminality we participated in when in our cults. You may now resolve to live with a high-degree of honesty and integrity.
- Openness & Reflectiveness: These come with time. Many people first leaving a cult are closed down and suspicious. But you may come to live transparently, share experiences and feelings, and fearlessly reflect on them consciously.
- Inquisitiveness & Willingness to Explore: Did you become involved with your group because you were open to new things? After leaving, bolstered with increased analytical thinking, your openness is an attractive quality many people are drawn to.
- Fearlessness: Many, many go on to start businesses, go back to school, begin writing books, and much more. You may be eager to grab your "second chance" and head in new directions.
- Flexibility: In our cults, we learned at least two cultures, two languages. There was the language of the group — and then there was the language of "straight" society. Use that situational flexibility to further your career, develop new social skills, raise your kids. (What parent doesn't have to be flexible?)
- Ability to Cope with Difficulties: The pressures you experienced in your group may make you more able to handle stressful situations. It feels great when you stop beating your head against a wall! And handling the normal strains of mainstream life seem like nothing after the cult.
- Use External Challenges as Stimulus for Growth: You may be more conscious about turning bad things into good things
- Intelligence & Creativity: The truth is cults attract the intelligent and creative. They can't use the weak. Some of the brightest and most creative people I've known were in a group. Freed from cult repression, you can go on to a remarkably successful career.
- Curiosity: Perhaps the same child-like curiosity — in the best sense — that led you into your group will lead to a rich and fulfilling life outside.
- Ability to Find Meaning Even in Adversity: You may find spiritual — or social/secular — meaning in what you endured.
- Sense of Direction & Purpose: Perhaps because you are keenly aware of time lost in the cult, you can seek new purpose more intensely.
- Ability to Grieve: You will say goodbye to the trauma — and integrate the good things about your cult — through conscious recovery. Despite what critics may say, most former cult members do not dwell on the past and do move on. I wish the same for all reading this!
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35
Wow a great Calgary Herald article - "Looking for high drama..." About Hughes lawsuit
by AndersonsInfo inhttp://www.calgaryherald.com/health/blood+money+injustice/1576415/story.html.
by juliet guichon, dr. ian mitchell and michael duggan, for the calgary herald.
if you are looking for high drama that hollywood might one day package and sell, you need go no further than downtown calgary's transcanada pipelines tower at 10 o'clock this morning, when the court of appeal will convene.. .
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alamb
btt
praying for justice
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How would you respond if a Witness tells you that you are "negative?"
by BonaFide inwhen i bring a subject up and then talk about old wt's or the blood fraction, i occasionally get that response.. yes, i know i can reply, "but i am telling you the truth.
don't you want the truth?".
but i am looking for something more subtle, something that can help a witness to get beyond their cognitive dissonance.. but without a standoff.
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alamb
When they ask me why I will never go back, I say, "I could never hate that much again. I found out the world is full of wonderful people. When you lose the fear and anger, you find joy and love."
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Who have you lost?
by alamb ini wonder if we each put up who we lost from our lives and how long ago if it would be a testament to those who might find this thread and think.
the absurdity.. my parents: 12 years.
my brother: 12 years (he is now married).
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alamb
I do...and a sweet gran too (((hug))) 4 U
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Who have you lost?
by alamb ini wonder if we each put up who we lost from our lives and how long ago if it would be a testament to those who might find this thread and think.
the absurdity.. my parents: 12 years.
my brother: 12 years (he is now married).
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alamb
I guess I"m blessed.
I contacted cousins and family I only knew from meeting once or twice and they said, "Good, we've been waiting for you!" They had been sending Christmas and birthday cards my whole childhood....none of which I received, of course.
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Who have you lost?
by alamb ini wonder if we each put up who we lost from our lives and how long ago if it would be a testament to those who might find this thread and think.
the absurdity.. my parents: 12 years.
my brother: 12 years (he is now married).
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alamb
Uzzah! You're so right. I"m with mouthy, where ya' been? We miss ya'.
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My JW Daughter sends a Letter to us Explaining her Shunning of Me
by flipper inmy wife and i sent my 22 yr.old pioneer witness daughter and her husband a anniversary card and $ 40.00 and flowers the end of april.
my daughter wrote mrs. flipper and me each our own individual letters thanking us initially for the gifts - and then went into detail as to why she has not spoken to me for over a year and shunned me.. keep in mind as i paraphrase some of the highlights to these letters that the only negative thing i have said about the organization to my daughter in 3 years was to show her the ap news release about the child abuse settlements by the wt society .
i'll quote parts of the letter to mrs. flipper first :.
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alamb
I'm so sorry.