Posts by Incognito

24

Paranoid why the coordinator's wife is soft shunning me

by Isambard Crater in

jw
friends

for the past six months the coordinator's wife has definitely been avoiding me, turning her back or walking away when i walk in her direction, giving me a stare at other times.

if i try to make casual conversation with her, she literally walks away or just looks through me until someone else comes to talk to her.. i can only think of one reason, which is that she may have seen me give a car ride to a disfellowshipped person months ago.

i mean, it would be totally random if she happened to spot me on this one short journey, but it's possible.

Incognito

Instead of speculating, why don't you ask her?

12

so confused!!

by whatisthis12 in

is it possible to keep a somewhat relationship with your family if they are witnesses and have a "worldly" girlfriend?

i just posted a post, and found this site to be very helpful.

sorry to repost but my other thread brought up some other questions.

Incognito

Unfortunately, the JW cult alters a person's mind and their outlook on how life is to be lived. Until proven otherwise, he is damaged goods. It's really his choice if he wishes to remain that way.

You can't force him to examine the religion he was brought up to believe is "The Truth'. He needs to recognize for himself that something is wrong, that it is not God's chosen organization. If you attempt to force him to do research or provide facts to him, he will likely resent you for doing so.

If you mention the religion is a cult, he will probably deny that it is. Watchtower rewrote the definition of what a cult is, which is not the same as the definition recognised by the rest of the world.

28

My Boyfriend is a recent Ex Jehovah Witness

by whatisthis12 in

i have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now.

when i met him i had no idea that he was a jehovah witness.

we took a vacation and he lied to his parents about who he was with, and they ended up finding out not only that he way lying, but who i was.

Incognito

Welcome! Glad you are asking questions and welcoming feedback.

I don't consider he decided to leave the religion, but is simply taking the path of least resistance once his parents and congregation put pressure on him. He only decided to hide from his parents and congregation, his relationship with his 'worldly' girlfriend.

He did lie to you already as he wasn't upfront with you about who he really is.

Even as he is now no longer practising, unless he recognises for himself the JW religion is not "The Truth' and is a cult, he will likely continue to view JWs as god's only true religion, and have high probability he will start feeling guilty and want to return.

Even after being away for some time, even decades, he may decide to return when there is a major life event such as the death of a close family member, a major local or world event (ie: 911) or birth of a child. These events cause a person to contemplate the purpose of life and then often result in wanting to regain practising what they are familiar with and told is "The Truth", so as to save themselves and their spouse and children.

If he does return, he may attempt to convert you and failing that, demand any children you may have together, to attend with him.

Although married to a JW, you will not be the most important relationship to him as Jehovah and the organization will always take precedence over you.

If you search this site's archives, you will come across numerous postings on people asking similar questions as you Even as they asked for advice, many of the prior posters didn't appreciate the advice offered.

13

Grooming as a Witness

by Jules Saturn in

growing up as a teenager, i would occasionally get some counseling for having my hair a bit too long by a couple of elders in the congregation.

one time i cut my hair shorter than usual and one elder said i was cutting it too short!

so it made me feel like anything i did wouldn't satisfy them.

Incognito

I used my growing of my beard as an incentive to disqualify me from the platform and it WORKED!! - Sandino

Use whatever is at your disposal, to your benefit. Congrats!

They take a position against natural hair growth which they recognize, Jehovah equipped most men to grow.

As a mustache and sideburns have also been opposed depending on the area, watch they don't start opposing other natural hair growth such as eye brows, eye lashes or hair on a person's head.

13

Grooming as a Witness

by Jules Saturn in

growing up as a teenager, i would occasionally get some counseling for having my hair a bit too long by a couple of elders in the congregation.

one time i cut my hair shorter than usual and one elder said i was cutting it too short!

so it made me feel like anything i did wouldn't satisfy them.

Incognito

I'm sure if it's done, this person would probably be disqualified from going out on field service or participating.

Sounds to me, this would be an incentive.

42

To Fade or Disassociate

by Jules Saturn in

hello to all, so i did want to talk about this topic because i think it is very important to me.

i have a grandfather who faded several decades ago.

he occasionally attends an assembly and the memorial but no longer attends meetings or goes on field service.

Incognito

In fading, the decision by the fader's family to shun him/her remains the choice of each family member. By disassociating, the family will have little choice but to shun him/her if that family member wishes to remain in good standing as a JW.

Fading will generally work for most people, but DA'ing will then remain an option if needed. Once the person DA's, that is an ultimate Black or White position, with no further options available.

WT want everything to be technical and legalistic for their benefit. They label everyone, even when they are not certain that label is justified. In declaring that you wish to DA will clearly define your position without further doubt, so they can and will officially place a DA'd label on you and treat you in the manner dictated. A DF'd or DA'd label, that is a distinction without a difference.

Although many JWs may proceed to shun even if you fade, they really won't have an official reason to do so. Since you are technically still a JW, some may continue to be friendly. Unless you say something against the Org or GB, they will typically label you as weak, lazy or having been stumbled.

As none of the labels they will provide are positive, does it really matter what label they place on you?

How you as the person wishing to leave views yourself, is what matters most. Once you decide to leave, you should consider yourself out either way. You can then define your own label such as 'Former-JW', "Ex-JW" or whatever you want.

29

JWs Ban TRUE RELIGION!

by Cold Steel in

the governing body of jehovah's witnesses, known for its aggressive worldwide proselytizing efforts, stunned many of its 12-million members by declaring war this week on a los angeles denim and designer jeans organization that goes by the name “true religion.”.

“as members of jehovah's one true religious faith we have no business of associating with any organization that claims to be jehovah's true religion!” a letter from the gb states.

it was dated july 20.. in its opening salvo, the seven-member gb directed believers to not “shop at, buy, nor even wear” true religion's products.

Incognito

These jeans make great gifts for elders - CS

That depends. How 'tight' are the pants they sell?

21

reps of the JW.0rg kiosk looking very Sea.0rg'ish

by oppostate in

amazing how cults end up looking so similar.

have you ever wondered how budhist monks and catholic monks look and behave so similarly?

or why mormons and jw religion have so many parallels?.

Incognito

Looks to be pretty dead for a youth fair which is intended to be a place of fun. The few teens who walked by near the end of the clip, didn't even glance at that booth. Maybe they are a long ways away from the fun stuff.

I wonder who paid for that booth and registration fee? I expect the workers had to supply their own clothes.

The size of the booth and number of workers, implies they are expecting a huge number of visitors at one time. Have they learned nothing from the cart work? Perhaps WT will try almost anything to boost membership, of any age.

Easy FS hours for booth workers.

30

Had twin babies with a married JW?!?!?!?!?!?! advice & thoughts

by Gokumonkey in

before i begin i just wanna say, im not proud of what i did, it was wrong but it happened now im just trying to do the right thing.. ok so im a "worldly" person and i meet a jw women at my job.

i had no idea she was married due to the fact that she hid her wedding ring.

i even ask if she was in a relationship and she denied it.

Incognito

From your description of events and her deceitful actions, it sounds as though she may not have really wanted a relationship, but used you as a means to become pregnant.

Perhaps the problem with her marriage was her husband was not capable of impregnating her. Maybe a pregnancy was her means to restore her relationship with her husband, OR, maybe he was involved and OK with using someone else to get her pregnant as opposed to using (and paying for) in-vitro.

If she was actually disfellowshipped, do you know why? Maybe you are not her first attempt at pregnancy by another man, so you are well advised to obtain a DNA test on the children.

If the twins prove to be yours, have you considered pursuing full custody? In consideration of the events, it seems something is not be quite right. Perhaps there is reason to pursue full custody, for the children's welfare?

33

My parents found out

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

so in my last post i talked about how i had told my younger siblings how i didn't plan to get baptized or ever be a witness.

i thought i could trust them but i guess i was wrong, they're just kids after all.

my oldest brother (who's 11) told on me today.

Incognito

I don't know how I missed this thread previously.

When you say your Aunt(s) live a long way from you, how far would that be? A reasonable distance for someone with their own transportation, can be an extreme long distance for someone without.

Since you haven't even met your aunt(s), that somewhat reduces staying with her/them right now. Although related, they are strangers to you, as you are to them. Perhaps, you could arrange to meet them a few times to get to know and spend time with them before living with them, even temporarily, becomes an option.

I recall you have already turned 18, thereby implying you have or nearly have finished high school. Even if home schooled, you will need a HS diploma so ensure you obtain it by whatever means necessary.

Even as an adult, as long as you wish to remain living in your parents home, you will need to continue to (mostly) follow their rules.

As a JW man is expected to the spiritual leader for his family, your opposition places your father's elder position at risk, which will likely be why he wants you to play along. Your father is probably not only worried for his position, but also his failing to provide adequate spiritual headship for his daughter and his other children.

Since your thoughts are now known, perhaps you and your parents can compromise as to which JW activities you can agree to vs those which will act against your conscience, such as recruiting new members.

Reaching a compromise will require you to initiate some calm discussions. When either parent becomes increasingly short tempered and demanding, that is when you need to become more calm, stand your ground but remain in control.

I would be tempted to blame your decision against becoming a JW, on being pressured by your parents to become baptized now, as opposed to waiting until ready to make that decision on your own. Hopefully, that may force them to reconsider forcing your siblings to be baptized before they are each ready, and maybe, cause them to back-off in forcing you to do anything JW related.

Obtaining a FT job, even if only for summer, will permit you to earn some money and get you away from the house for extended hours each day. In addition, you gain some independence and experience while showing you are a reliable worker. It also may provide your parents with an excuse as to why you will not be available certain days such as for Saturday FS. Once you are away for extended hours each day, it will likely become easier as time advances, to miss more meetings, especially if you need to find another job in the fall.

We are all unique in not only who we are but also our situation in life. There are no answers that anyone can tell you, which will work for you in every situation. Part of becoming an adult, is the need to consider in advance, the pros and cons to every decision.