I realize that some of these posts may be downright scary but surely you know that once you are baptised, you have committed your life. You will have committed your life to an organization that dictates what you read, what you are allowed to think (be careful not to say outloud anything you think that disagrees lest you be removed - disfellowshipped or disassociated), who you should call a friend, and that tells you that those in your family and inner circle that choose not to agree are to be shunned. Remember that an organization that discourages you from having any friend outside of the group, leaves you with absolutely nobody if you should want to leave or be forced out.
I asked a friend of mine who is an inactive witness and is considering resuming activity if she's ready to cut at least two of her children out of her life. You see, her kids, though not baptised, are not living lives that would make them acceptable "associations." They are not bad people, they are not criminals, they are not insane, mean or heartless. They just live by standards unacceptable to the WT. She said she would never let them do that. So then I asked her "if you are considering becoming active again for the purposes of finding a husband, and you accept that he is the head of household (as you must if you are a good dub) and HE says you must shun your children, what then? She was silent.
This woman is fortunate she was inactive and off their radar screen when she left her abusive husband, for active witness wives are not encouraged to leave abusive spouses, in fact they are told it is their fault and they need to be a better wife. If she'd been active at the time, any attempt to remarry would be considered a disfellowshipping event.
You say you don't want children, so maybe you are lucky, for it seems that few families have ALL their grown children remain in the org. This means almost every family in has been torn apart. The WT is more important than family. It is more important than self.
Some people like this structure. They like not having to make decisions or define their own social mores. If this is you, than maybe the WT is the right place. All anyone wants for you here is to really think hard and be sure that IF and when you commit, you are fully informed. Only someone or some organization that has something to hide fears information that may disprove their theories, beliefs or impede on their path to control.
If you do some research on the warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship, you will find things listed that include:(this list borrowed from the Oprah website, link to follow)
This list was written by Hedda Nussbaum. Perhaps in the UK you didn't hear of her, but she was the common law wife of Joel Steinberg who was convicted of murdering their illegally adopted daughter maybe 10 years ago or so in New York. People never understood why she let him do that, or why she herself had sustained such major abuse and stayed (google her if you want the whole story). I've put a few of these items in italics for emphasis.
These guys do not come with warning labels, but Nussbaum now thinks she can spot an abusive man, or at least a controlling man with a capacity for abuse.
Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:
- He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
- He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
- He wants your undivided attention.
- He must always be in charge.
- He always has to win.
- He breaks promises all the time. ( I believe people were told in the last century that those alive in 1914 would never die)
- He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
- He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
- He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men. (the borg basically tells you not to associate with anyone out).
- He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
- He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
- He has a mean temper.
- He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
- He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
- He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
- He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
Note how many of these items could be similarly applied to the Jehovah's Witness organization. Not all, but far too many for me to feel at ease. How does it make you feel?
Here's the link to this so you can view it in context: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_200408_signs.xml§ion=Couplehood&subsection=Dating
This is why so many here are ENCOURAGING you to think and do some homework before you jump in. That's not meant to be discouraging, though I can see why it can feel that way when you so want this to be the answer to your prayers.
Please take care.
