Es,
Here is what is going on. The elder who said you could lie is not interested in helping you protect yourself. He is interested in one thing only, getting you to agree to be at a judicial hearing. By planting the idea that you could lie is to entice you to show up. Then, if you do lie (in his opinion) he will confront you with the letter your husband wrote as proff of your lie. The elders will have grounds to DF you whether they have proof of any other sin. They will have the lie.
So, if you agree to go to the judicial meeting, nbe prepared to get disfellowshipped. They have made their minds up already. Unless, of course, you tell it all like it is, beg for mercy, and promise to return to the meetings. That might spare you beings disfellowshipped, but even that is no guarantee. - Jim W.