Posts by 1m2y3j

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

When do the nightmares end?

by EyeDrEvil in

jw
friends

just a question for the board's input.... background information:.

my wife, raised in a jw home, very popular elder as her father, living through the entire 1975 thing ("honey don't worry about passing 7th grade.

next year will be the new system..."), but beat up for years by the mind-control and spiritual abuse by the wts.... she has recently officially da'd from the society this spring, had her first birthday party ever (a huge blast of a great time!).

1m2y3j

READ, READ, AND READ SOME MORE.

NOT ONLY THE EXPERIENCES OF OTHERS BUT OF SCHOLARLY BIBLICAL WORKS.

THESE HELP TO UNDO THE DAMAGE BY FILLING YOUR MIND AND HEART WITH NEW AND REASONABLE WAYS OF DEALING WITH THE LIES AND FEARS "BEATEN" INTO US (ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WERE RAISED IN IT).

BELIEVE ME, THIS DOES WORK.

LOL, 1M

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

1m2y3j

Dear Fed Up,

I like your name! You asked: ?30 years of marriage for the kids? sake? Aren't they GROWN by now?? We had been married 15 years before the children entered our lives, and they (twins) are now 16.

Also, I do NOT feel inferior because of this abuse. You are right; the in-laws would like nothing better than for us to divorce. I would not get divorced because of the in-laws, but because of the problems between myself and husband. By the same token, I would not stay in the marriage to spite them.

Dear Wasasister,

You are absolutely right that ?There are times when you tough things out for the good of people you love. Sometimes, it's not a sign of weakness but of strength to defer your own happiness if your children need you.?

I do know I will not stay married after the children are ready to leave, but I am looking for suggestions on how to specifically help them deal with these new problems.

Dear BEM,

You have described my sentiments ? Gave up parts of myself. So things would run smoothly. So there would be no problems. It's taken years to get to this point but I felt myself dying inside for too long.?

Both of my girls are aware of the strife and have confided that they would have left the marriage by now, but of course do not want their family broken up either. They know that I am staying around for there sakes.

Dear Jgnat,

I have read much advice on ?self-assertiveness,? ?co-dependency,? and ?getting-to-yes.? These have all been helpful in that they have given me a more objective view of the problems in our relationship. Additionally, I am going back to college (with grants and scholarships) with the hope of preparing myself for being self-supporting when that time comes.

Thanks for the link,

and thanks to all for the time you spent to write,

1m

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

1m2y3j

Thank you for your thoughts.

Metatron?s advice:

?I would first confront your mate calmly and with every sincere attempt to find peace. It really sounds like his failure to speak up shows a lack of love and proper loyalty to you - and that needs to be addressed?

This is something I have done repeatedly over the years, but he makes excuses for his family and says it will just take time for his them to accept me.

Before our children were born, I often refused to attend his family affairs unless he promised to defend me. He would say he would try to find a way if I would just try to understand that others didn?t really mean what they said.

After one occasion when I spoke up to defend myself I thought things had improved but later discovered that was the icing on the cake for them to decide I was disrespectful to my elders and a disrespectful wife.

Ironically, during a watchtower study about ?headship and subjection,? despite the elder trying to emphasize the point in the article that when a husband and wife disagree, it is the Godly way for the wife to ?give in? and support the husband decision, my husband contended that ?if the wife explains her reasons and has a good motive the husband should be willing to give-in to the wife.? Over the years when serious issues have arisen, I have asked him if he really meant this.

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

1m2y3j

Hello to all of you.

It is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it I'm all ears.

Basically, my spouse and I have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals. Half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of WTS and thankfully left this simultaneously. Nevertheless, the underlying problems have never been properly dealt with but rather have escalated.

The in-law problems are largely related to being witnesses, but also due to the fundamental value differences of the two families. The current problem is today when my spouse took our one daughter to visit family, they attacked my character and made false accusations in the presence of my spouse (who did not and never has come to my defense/support). Needless to say, my daughter was devastated and furious, called my cell-phone in a fury, and was heartbroken and crying.

I have often contemplated divorce because of the serious value difficulties in our marraige but have felt that staying together was always best for the childrens' stability. Now that my daughter has had this experience, I am concerned that it would be unwise to "send the message" to her that it is okay to just let yourself be abused in this way. I have tolerated this type of abuse but it has never before occurred in my childrens' presence. I'm not sure that divorce would be the "correct" action, but feel that I need to find some way to counteract this.

Perhaps because I was raised as a witness, I have been "conditioned" to accept derision and it seems easier to just silently ignore it. I do not want to overreact, and I do want her to know that this is often what goes on in life and that we just have to ignore alot of what others think, say and do.

Thank you in advance for all your thoughts.

53

MONEY OR LOVE? what is it ladies? (for you Badger)

by Sassy in

jw
friends

.

the other night sandy and i were having an argument with badger about what women want.. he says money.. .

so what is it ladies?

1m2y3j

Why does anyone have to choose?

Its like asking do you want air or water?