tetra,
'my story may be crashing down around me, and i guess i will still always have to deal with that.'
Let the damn thing crash. At some point you will realize that it is just a damn story that isn't actually real. That realization arises out of what you really are - there will be the still silent awareness and the witnessing of just another story as it pops up again from time to time. In attempting to hang on to the story by putting belief in it is to maintain suffering. Stories cease to sway you one way or another when they are seen as only stories - nothing to deal with at all, only to be recognized as stories. In that recognition they are no longer seen to be problematic.
'but right now. right now is beautiful. that is healing.'
Yes! Right now is all there is, and in the realization of this comes healing and wholeness. The direct realization of this is irrefutable and immediate. No need for belief whatsoever. In fact, even the belief of the reality of now obscures reality. Drop ALL beliefs about everything.