Welcome 1799! Thanks for sharing your story.
Take your time, be kind to yourself, and realize that once you got new information you took action, so you don't need to blame yourself for anything.
Only you know if you want to disassociate or not. My wife and I did and it is NOT playing by their rules. That's often the verbiage used by those who end up trying to fade on here for years and who actually have to jump through hoops to keep their fade alive. Faders play their game, disassociating ends it once and for all. That closure for us was worth anything. We took a stand when we joined, and we took one when we left. If you need to do it for you, more power to you. If you need to fade, that's cool too, but do what YOU want, not what others on here tell you to do. I'm so glad I didn't listen because I can be anyone I want now without fear of breaking a fade. Some others fade and can do the same if the circumstances play out right. It all depends on the situation. For me though, fading was an option until a predetermined point that we agreed upon, and once we hit that point because elders started calling, we decided not to play their games and to blow it all up by disassociating, and it was so liberating.
Take care of yourself. Use your years left to the full!