Posts by dubstepped

33

Wanting Less Involvement (long newbie story)

by DepthsResounding in

i was raised a jw and am currently pioneer in a foreign language congregation.

i have been unhappy on and off with my involvement in this religion and am ready to step back again.

growing up i was always active but extremely reserved and a low hour publisher.

dubstepped

Welcome! I read, so you have at least these listening ears, among others above. I think that marrying an inactive brother is a horrible idea. Don't get married to someone that you don't truly love. Don't settle once again because of this organization. You'll likely regret it.

At some point you need to get out. You may not feel that quite as strongly right now because you've got one foot in or maybe even both. You're leaning out, but you're still in if you're pioneering quite extensively. A trend that I've noticed is that many that leave have some period of time where they get away from the conditioning and indoctrination. For my wife and I it was a period of time where we had to devote ourselves to paying off a massive tax debt. During that time away it is like our brains finally started digesting everything we were taught and we started waking up. You're already awakening, so it may be even quicker and more profound for you if you had some time away from it.

Ultimately, you can't live your life for other people and be happy. You simply cannot. You have to figure out who you are authentically and be that. When you do there will be a happiness that is immeasurable. That freedom is worth anything. We lost our families and everyone we knew in the religion. We disassociated. You don't have to do that. You could fade. Lots of people get depressed or develop some disease that doesn't have sure signs and then they no longer can do what they once did. To me, fading is a long road fraught with peril and playing their games, but it can be done successfully. It's all dependent on what you want to keep when you leave. We were willing to stop playing the game altogether and lose everyone. You have to make those decisions for yourself. Just don't attach yourself to someone else in the organization for the purpose of getting out. It's not fair to you, or to them.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Others here have been in similar ones. You can do this and find your way out. If you can get time away, your feelings will change toward the religion too. You will get clarity.

25

Whats in it for them?

by Moster in

i have been out for nearly 40 years now - baptized at 14 (although not to the org), but faded away.

but i am wondering about this:.

aside from the obvious power they wield, what's is in it for the gb?

dubstepped

Pretty much what Cofty said. They believe their own hype. They have power and admiration of millions. They have their life taken care of.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

rathernotsay : Some fantastic advice here. Thanks again. Just so you know I've just purchased a combination lock (so I can see if she plays around with the numbers) not going to say anything just put it on before I leave for work

Sounds healthy (rolls eyes). Passive aggressive activity isn't going to fix this. If you're going to lock it up, at least discuss it first and let her know that you don't want to, but if she can't leave your stuff alone she leaves you no choice. Use it as a metaphor for your marriage and where it's headed. Just locking it is a dick move, in my view, and only escalates things. It's a race to the bottom. There is no meeting of the minds here, just bad behavior.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

Other than that you're mad at her, does she know how you really feel when she treats you like that? Rage or anger usually masks and expresses profound sadness and pain. She might understand that more than outbursts or just discussions of anger. It sounds like you two don't really hear one another. Again, counseling could help here.

I'm not a fan of the lock. You shouldn't have to lock your room from your wife. You have bigger problems than MasterLock can fix. Relationships are about love and respect. Boundaries are built on that, with consequences for crossing them. It's tougher in a marriage because you're supposed to be a team, not a power dynamic.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

Oh man, she's definitely brainwashing the kiddos. Adults have a hard time being around them and not getting sucked in. Kids have little chance against its power. Most of us here were kids raised in it. It's a mind fuck. With you, a "worldly" parent, they do stand more of a chance.

I would highly recommend you read a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. You need some my friend. She's got none. That's a typical JW though. The cult recruits and breeds narcissists. And narcissists get in relationships with people that will put up with their bullshit.

Again, you need to push hard for marriage counseling. She needs to understand the seriousness of this. Please read up on boundaries online if you won't read the book. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Honestly, she deserves better. Time to bring in healthy relationship tools.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

I went back and read your thread about her cheating. To me you either need to get marriage counseling or it's time to part ways. She has no respect for you, and I think that you have little for her, and she's definitely given you reasons for that. I'm sorry man. If one of us says no to something then no is the answer. We don't go behind each other's backs. That's messed up and says a lot.

4

The Surprise Of Many Over Shunning From Family And Friends

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

i think there's a level of cognitive dissonance that is present within many that leave over the shunning thing.

i hear so many tales of people that leave and think that their family will talk to them.

sure, that does happen, but it's by far the minority.

dubstepped

I think there's a level of cognitive dissonance that is present within many that leave over the shunning thing. I hear so many tales of people that leave and think that their family will talk to them. Sure, that does happen, but it's by far the minority. My wife was surprised at her family's reaction to us going to visit my disfellowshipped brother. I told her that it would have consequences, and she didn't think so. It did, immediate and swift consequences of shunning for one visit to my brother at that time.

If you leave, expect to be shunned forever. That's it. If you get anything more than that you're doing good. Yes, their shunning is stupid. Yes, these supposedly loving people are prepared to psychologically torture you to try to manipulate you, and maybe more importantly, to prove to themselves that they can take this ultimate stand for their "truth". It isn't so much about you really, but more about them and their relationship with the cult, but you need to start from the baseline of knowing that you're going to be shunned and it will be for the rest of your life. Honestly, it may be for the best, as those individuals have the stank of the cult all over them, and you can't interact with them without it. They are toxic people, often with tremendously dysfunctional boundaries and beliefs. It is sad. It is often heartbreaking. It is real though, and needs to be accepted when you leave as what will happen.

That doesn't mean that you can't hope for something to happen, maybe someone to awaken and come out with you at some point in the future, but so long as you are on those opposite sides of the fence, expect not to see them. If you're expectations are that these cult members are going to be reasonable, you're often setting yourself up for tremendous disappointment.

14

We do sound like a cult

by notalone in

jw
friends

"we do sound like a cult..." so in the last few conversations i have had with my still deeply in friend she has mentioned this a couple times when lamenting things that don't seem right.

she has a relative that left and is telling everyone jw's are a cult.

she is very defensive and deeply disturbed by this accusation.

dubstepped

That is encouraging and mirrors some of my own path to awakening. Give her time and keep playing that long game. I think it just might pay off with this one. It's a painful process and very stressful, but there's such a beautiful freedom that lies just beyond that.

27

Day 1: The Night of Anger, Tears, and Pain

by Saethydd in

my freedom came with a heavy cost.

i couldn't stand the dishonesty so when my sister went out of town on a trip i told my parents that i no longer wanted to be a jw.

when my sister got back and i told her she was so angry, said she really wanted to slap me, then she ran off sobbing, a few minutes later she deposited every gift i ever gave her in front of my door.. my entire family has turned against me.

dubstepped

You are one strong young man. Good for you, it will bode well for your life going forward. I know this hurts, especially the words from your sister and mom, but read what Pete Zahut said above. He nailed it. They are hurting for themselves. My sister talked all kinds of smack about me on social media accounts before we even disassociated. My dad called me and yelled and made no sense, talking himself in circles about "the gays" because apparently years ago I defended them as not making a choice to be gay anymore than I made a choice to be straight, something that apparently stuck with my dad. It was a very abusive interaction that reminded me of my past growing up with him as a father, and elder. They are venting their confusion and stress on you.

Guilt is "I did a bad thing" and shame is "I am a bad person". You are neither. You did something that any normal family member would be proud of, taking a stand against something so huge. You showed tremendous courage and strength, and we are proud of you. Now you have freedom, but as you know, freedom is never free. It comes with a cost. You've started paying that off.

If you need advice going forward feel free to reach out to me or post on here. We are here to help. You clearly have a great handle on some things, but you're young and have lots of life skills that you've not yet put to the test. Ask questions and get guidance as needed.

You, my friend, are in the first day of a new life. A new day has dawned, and everything is possible. It is exciting, but likely scary on some levels. You aren't alone though. Even if your parents and siblings leave you, you are never alone.

12

'They're preying on my grief' - Widow slams Jehovah's Witnesses

by daveysmithy30 in

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4568152/widow-says-christian-group-preying-grief.html.

just published today on a grieving widow who was sent publications after her husband passed away.. unbelievable!

no respect or honor at all.. your comments and views are welcomed.. d.

dubstepped

I love that she called them out. Good for her! I'm just sorry they messed with her grieving process. Such a horrible cult.

Oh, but there's no policy encouraging this type of exploitation, says one elder. F $#! that guy. They certainly encourage such tactics, and there's definitely no policy discouraging such assholery in a cult that has policy discouraging just about anything one can think of.

Disgusting, inhuman trash is what they are, only thinking of themselves like the narcissists they've been taught to be.