I have no magic words but have read this with interest. I'm so sorry man, you're caught between a rock and a ticking time bomb of a wife, it seems.
I can only say what I would do. There's no right or wrong here, just different ways to address the situation and only you know what that truly is.
I would have to take a very firm stand for what is right. It's just the only way I work. But you're likely not that guy or you would have taken a stand against the verbal abuse long ago. It may not be in you. We're all wired differently. It's okay.
You have to find your voice somewhere in here. Only you can find it and figure out exactly what that looks like.
I'd encourage you to go to a therapist to have someone on your side. Maybe even get her to join you, if just once, to have someone there when you tell her what's up. It might create a safe space for that.
I feel for you. You're up against pure ego. You can't defeat ego, you have to disarm it, and that's very difficult. She over identifies with her thoughts, her feelings, her cult beliefs, etc. They are who she is, in her eyes. So any questioning of that is taken as a personal and direct attack on her.
Keep posting. Keep reaching out. You likely need to talk this stuff through. Find someone locally to get in your corner too. Find your voice not just for you, but for your kids. You have to do it for yourself first though. When an airplane is crashing you put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You can't help others, even your kids, from a weak state. It's time to build up you for YOU. Do you man. You have to if you're going to have a chance to put that mask on your kids.