Posts by dubstepped

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

Clearly this is going nowhere so I'm not going to keep beating the same drum. I don't think it's fair for those that have never done a thing to create the narrative for it. I've been on both sides. Disassociation was my choice. I respect your right to make yours, though I feel like fading is playing their game and robbing family of the opportunity to wake up. Having to shun helped wake me up. It's the hardest thing a JW with any humanity left intact has to do. It creates more cognitive dissonance than anything.

I feel like fading is enabling the dubs. I still respect the right of others to choose and realize they have their reasons and it's not mine to impact and unlike you I don't go into threads where people want help doing something and tell them things to try to stop them, I try to support them in their decision. You can't do that. It's a shame, especially since so many of you claim to support those that disassociate. Your actions say otherwise.

Be you. Be happy. I'm out.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

suppose the watchtower imposed a " release fee" to anyone wanting to leave ? how many would pay up ?
isnt it the same as writing a letter of resignation ?

No, not at all. You guys can't get over your JW centered thinking. Disassociating is something, like writing a letter of resignation, that you do to them because you don't want to be a part of someone or something anymore, it's not something they do to you like extorting money. You're so hung up on that being a JW term that you would let it keep you from doing what might actually be the most healthy thing for you. Or not, maybe it wouldn't be healthy for you, only you can answer that, but you keep trying to tell others what's healthy for them when they've made the decision for themselves, like the OP.

I disassociated from them. It was my choice. I didn't want the stench of the name Jehovah's Witnesses on me anymore. I didn't want to ever be identified as one. I didn't want them talking to me. They're largely toxic and crazy. I disassociated, they didn't disassociate me. I put them all behind me with one measly letter. Yes, it was a hard letter to write and I knew the implications, but that shunning is something they do to me and that's their choice, I had to make mine as well, and honestly shunning isn't all bad or all good. Like most things in life it's a mixed bag and I had to choose what fit me. I did one last thing that was associated with them by writing that letter and I was done with them. Game over. By fading you have to put up with so much and keep hiding things so that you aren't "caught" and disfellowshipped someday.

In contrast, if you're going to think through that lens,couldn't fading be said to be enabling them? Aren't you enabling their bad behavior by refusing to take a stand against it? What does it say to stay in a bad relationship or an inhuman or immoral company or group just because you think you can change them? How many times does that actually work? Isn't that what most abuse victims think in relationships, that somehow they will change them from the inside instead of running far away? Don't people on here make fun of Catholics for supporting that organization? Why support Jehovah's Witnesses by pretending to be one on some level?

Again, there are questions on both sides. You have to answer them for yourself.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

Yes Incognigo (sorry Incognito for spell check converting the name earlier but you were wise enough to make it out), things are different for people dependent on family. That doesn't mean that they don't even out on some level though. First, you're trying to measure love, which is a tough thing to do, particularly objectively as you stated. Second, often those that had dysfunctional families, just have a different set of problems. Trying to measure it is silly. The therapy industry is built on people who had dysfunctional families, so it isn't something that is just easy to pack away and move on from. In my opinion you're greatly oversimplifying things and calling it objective. I don't see it the same as you. To me one isn't necessarily easier or harder, just different.

You're also basing an argument on a premise that somehow those that disassociate have dysfunctional families as if those that fade don't. I don't necessarily see that. Faders often have super messed up families too. Like I said earlier, there were dysfunctional families everywhere. Faders are often trying to get that love that they never got, still trying and hoping that someday it will turn around. Many faders put up with absolutely awful and toxic behavior.

It's like the assertion that I argue about that those that disassociate are playing the JW game, as if those that fade aren't. Everyone plays to some degree. Disassociating ends the game for you. Fading continues it. One is free to choose whatever one likes and again I'll support them either way, as it appears you will as well. That's rare, it usually only goes one way with support only for fading and false labeling and characterization of those that disassociate.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

@Incognito - LOL, so it was easy for me to disassociate because my family was dysfunctional, like so many weren't in the cult. Come on man. If you listened to my story you know how hard it was but I needed to do it, and you probably don't know all the reasons why so let's not act like you know.

Time and time again I've supported a person disassociating on here. I also support fading. You don't get the same going both ways. Maybe you're the odd one, but every thread about disassociating devolves into this brought on by faders that can't respect the decisions of others. Don't judge my stance by one set of posts in one discussion. I'm often the lone supporter of anyone coming here wishing to disassociate.

I'm not butthurt, I'm actually on topic from the OP. I do know what it's like though to seek support only to run up against this. I did this very thing when I sought to disassociate and it would have been nice to have support. Instead I just got the same trolling, and I'm glad I didn't listen.

I have been far more supportive than most. You're lecturing the wrong person. In fact, I'm supporting the OP, something most aren't. Props to you if you can see past your own emotions to do the same.

Disassociation is a tough enough decision without everyone discouraging you from doing it when you've chosen that as your path.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

@HiddenPIMO - you can't get support to disassociate from those too scared to do so. Yes disassociating is a JW term, so what? I'd rather do one thing and be done than play games for years. Like was said earlier, go read the posts of those that fade and the games they have to play. Look at the people that fade and end up shunned anyway. It's all calculated risk and should be up to individuals but you'll never find support for disassociation among faders. Other than maybe being a believer there is nothing on here that will cause more butthurt than mentioning the dreaded d word. I don't know if it's projection or insecurity or what but faders struggle to support those that make a choice they couldn't or wouldn't. I have no problem supporting faders. But mention the d word and every fader jumps in to tell you you're somehow bad for doing something they couldn't do.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

So first you take a shot at disassociation with the standard weak argument:

If you DA, you just playing by their rules......

And then you go on to say:

I do not give up my point of view....
It is a good reminder to them, that not everyone who leaves is dangerous....
Every time I spend time with a group of JWs, it re-enforces exactly why I left....
It feels good to me that I am successfully hanging out in the grey area....
Brighton

Tell me again, who is playing by their rules?

20

Christian or Atheists?

by Skipper254 in

in my brief time on this site, i've come to realize that most people who have been shunned or stray away from the jehovah witnesses normally end up having no faith at all.

my curiosity has led me to the conclusion that the gb has created more atheists than believers...... .

dubstepped

There was a poll done on Twitter and the majority of those in that poll were atheist/agnostic as well.

I agree with what nicholau said. Those bastards don't get credit for my atheism. That was my struggle to research all types of belief and the bible and to look for evidence. That was all me. I had to break down the JW beliefs and it was painful and difficult and then I started looking at the book so much is based on and it too fell apart. I didn't want that but I did want a more evidence based life even if it hurt to let go of some magical thinking. That was all me. Nobody else sat there with me through that, not even my wife. She had to run her own race too. We ended at the same finish line but ran separately.

I guess, like nicholau, I received some help on here but my research consisted of many things. I fought against the possibility of atheism until I could no longer ignore it.

6

Wierd New JW.Org outreach centre?

by Diogenesister in

well, watchtower just gets weirder.

is this their new branding?

it’s bethel malaysia ( which moved to a shopping mall anyway).

dubstepped

Wow, if real, and it appears so, that's strange. Cadellin may have a point though the JW.borg altar is still front and center.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

So much dub centric thinking in here. When I was a dub I thought as a dub, spoke as a dub, but you, you are not of these dubs, fly and be free and let the dubs deal with the consequences of their own dub actions.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

dubstepped

Disassociating is great, instant freedom. Go for it! Best decision my wife and I ever made. Don't listen to those that have to play JW games for years simply to keep toxic relationships, unless of course that's what you want.

As far as what to write, write whatever you want just don't have expectations. Just do the damn thing, get it over with, and be totally free. It's tough to put into words what it's like in the other side. Yeah, shunning isn't great, but it's not all bad either to be honest. It keeps the crazies away.

By the way, the line that you're just creating problems for your family and friends by disassociating is the same bullshit the cult says. They have problems because of their actions, not yours. Even if you disassociate the problem is of their doing, their choice, not yours. They shun you. Let's stop acting like no one has choice. And you know what, when people have problems is often when they wake up. Keeping them saved to avoid taking a stand might be what keeps them in.

The cult doesn't want you disassociating. If everyone did they'd have a huge problem.