Posts by dubstepped

15

A question for the shunned re: hide or seek

by dubstepped in

so here's my question as a newly daed person that is summarily shunned.

do you hide from family and act like you don't exist or do you let them know you're still here and seek them out?

they want you to be dead, like you no longer exist, because strict avoidance makes it easier on them.

dubstepped

@ Sabin and @ Mary J Blige - I have to say that although I liked the other posts here, your two posts really hit me. I think that the farther I get from the cult the less I remember how I would have felt if I was still in and someone sent me letters or cards or whatever. You're very correct in your assessment as to how they will likely be received, especially that part about them seeing it as me being sorry for my choices. I remember them twisting things I did even before I DA'ed to fit the story they've all been given. They have a narrative provided to them that explains the actions of everyone, including those that leave the Borg. Everything we do will be viewed within that framework. It really is a losing battle, and honestly I don't want to get sucked back into that toxic world at all.

I actually shunned my brother for many years and reconnected with him on my own last year. He never sent me cards or anything and it made no difference. It was up to me to see the error of my shunning ways and to reach out to him, which I did. You two are right. There's no use in sending anything with any hopes, and the reality is that our family was not really close anyway. Very dysfunctional even on the best of days. I've always been an optimist, hoping that my family would turn out to be close and loving and it was just never in the cards no matter how hard I tried to get us together and to be family. It has led me to getting back into dealings that I shouldn't have and I've been burned more than once. I appreciate what everyone said, but you two said what I personally needed to hear with my circumstances and history.

37

I'm a coward.

by cappytan in

jw
friends

since the move, it has been so enjoyable to not have jw's breathing down our necks asking why we didn't make the meeting, or having to pretend to be "spiritual" in front of family all the time.. 90% of my week is virtually stress free.

then, my mom calls or texts wanting to talk to her grandkids.

every dang call, she asks about the new congregation, if we went to the meeting, etc.. why can't i tell her to fk off?

dubstepped

Even before DAing my parents were told in no uncertain terms that I didn't want to talk about the religion anymore. It was just a place I was unwilling to go. I told them I was struggling with it all and didn't want to be disrespectful so let's just leave it off the subject list for conversations. We can still talk about life. Unfortunately that's about all JWs have to talk about, but it did buy us time until we disassociated for good. We didn't know that was our inevitability, but we knew JW talk was highly upsetting.

With that said, there sure is some beauty to the silence brought on by DAing. Hang in there. You're no coward. This is something tough that most people never have to face. Just the fact that you faced down your own belief structure is proof of more bravery than many possess.

15

A question for the shunned re: hide or seek

by dubstepped in

so here's my question as a newly daed person that is summarily shunned.

do you hide from family and act like you don't exist or do you let them know you're still here and seek them out?

they want you to be dead, like you no longer exist, because strict avoidance makes it easier on them.

dubstepped

So here's my question as a newly DAed person that is summarily shunned. Do you hide from family and act like you don't exist or do you let them know you're still here and seek them out? They want you to be dead, like you no longer exist, because strict avoidance makes it easier on them. My wife and I are trying to decide what to do. Should we still send cards for anniversaries and such? We want to take the high road here, to show them that THEY are the ones making a change because JWs blame the victim of their shunning. I want them to see that we're still here and that we're the bigger people while they're being petty. On the other hand, I don't want to psychologically torment cult victims who don't know how screwed up they are. What do you do? Just disappear into the night as if you never were, or let them know that you still are?

124

My Mom Is Dying

by minimus in

jw
friends

i just wanted to say that my dear 89 year old mom is terminally ill and will soon pass.

she is on morphine and hanging on.

she has been a devout witness for about 60 years and a wonderful mother.

dubstepped

Since I DA'ed I lost both parents and will likely never even know when they die. So although it will be hard to lose her, appreciate the times you had and the bond as well. Hugs for you and yours.

22

If you don't enjoy working with the public choose another career.

by James Mixon in

jw
friends

i'am sure you have come across someone with that type of personality, working in sales, clerk, waitress or waiter.

most are nice but once in a while you come across that person that needs to choose a different career.. this morning i met that person, she just screwed up my day.

i'm thinking maybe her day wasn't a good start,a fight with her husband, bills or children but don't screw up my day.

dubstepped

Sounds like your ego got the best of you. The person made a mistake, and for it to ruin your day because she didn't confirm your correctness means that you should learn more about the ego. So much of our daily interactions revolve around our ego or that of others. Maybe the service person didn't want to admit error because of their ego and it triggered yours because it transferred to you. In the end, it doesn't affect who you are as a person when something like that happens. We expect too much of one another and often not enough of ourselves. Be the bigger person and rise above.

With that said, we've all been there and let it get the best of us. I used to get super upset over things like that. Reading A New Earth by Tolle really helped me to take a look at such interactions. We're all having a shared experience and that person fell short. That's an opportunity for you to pick up the slack.

23

If your Bethelite Brother Doesn't Know About It, It Musn't Be True

by HomebytheSea in

a few weeks ago my deeply indoctrinated father who is a long time elder was wondering why we hadn't been attending meetings, and why my 8 yr old son wasn't on the theocratic school ( sounds like i almost off the hook with that one...lol).

we live in a different state, but i came to find out that one of the elders in our hall called my father, who he never met, to see why our meeting attendance had been so sporadic (i am in my mid-40's, so that knowledge made my blood boil, to put it mildly!

i tried not to answer, but he kept pressuring me, so i brought up the arc and child abuse cases i had heard of in our area.

dubstepped

Ugh, I feel for you. I got mad just reading your post. You can't reason with unreasonable people and they will drive you mad if you spend too much time with them. The boundary crossing in the Borg is simply astonishing. From odd family dynamics to the spying that goes on in congregations the toxicity just drips from every pore of the being that is the religion as a whole. To be invalidated in such a manner is just sickening, and like you I look forward to the day where they cannot deny or hide their errors anymore.

9

Crazy Study Stories

by dubstepped in

i never really had any studies to speak of, but my parents did have many over the years, and every single one of them was batsh!t crazy in some way.

there was one lady we kids affectionately termed "dirty robin" (her name was robin) and yes, she was very dirty.

her kids were filthy and rarely wore clothes.

dubstepped

@Faithful Witness : Don't worry, we know that the crazies were in the organization for sure. I knew tons of them. I probably was one in my own way. Heck, I dealt with a lot of depression and even suicidal thoughts at the hands of the Borg. I still need to write my story up and post it here now that I'm officially out with nothing to hide. Anyway yes, it is like the old saying, birds of a feather flock together. We drew a lot of crazies to us because we were crazy too.

@Dunedain : Thanks for sharing your experiences too. And good for your parents for still talking to you. My wife and I just lost our families, in part because I stood up after years of shunning my DF'ed brother and decided that I could no longer do so. I too was a conservative kid that got stuck studying with wild kids at times. It wasn't much fun because they couldn't have cared less. I was essentially a babysitter so the parents could study together, kind of like it sounds like you ended up being at times. Great stories.

180

What is the most bizarre counsel you received as a JW, from a JW?

by Funchback in

there were many addressed to me.

for example, i once had a sister tell me i was gambling because i liked playing skill crane (the machine where you have to try to pick up prizes like stuffed animals) at the arcade.

i then fired back a her: "you saw the r-rated movie 'backdraft.

dubstepped

People who reached out to foreign speaking territories were counselled not to just do that because they'd be neglecting the English speakers. Even when reaching out you couldn't do it right.

A brother's suit was too gold. Another brother's hair was too long. The school overseer counseled against wearing bright colors or shiny buttons on stage. I was counselled because my friend made dirty jokes and as a ministerial servant I guess I was supposed to control everyone. I drove too fast for some in the ministry despite a perfect driving record. I once said "it wasn't like I flipped him off" after an elder criticized me for being frustrated at a guy that nearly drove into me and was counselled for violating his daughter's ears with such language.

A brother was seen riding in a car with a sister he wasn't married to alone as he and his wife helped her move and had to take the moving truck back. Nobody else helped the sister move, but someone did see the two of them together after dropping the truck off going back to the house where his wife was waiting. It was scandalous.

We were counselled against playing tackle football. I was even ripped for it by a sister during a field service group that I was leading. That was pleasant.

I once got the stage ready for the meeting and watched a sister go up and move it around because she liked it better that way.

I could echo many others here as well. They are crazy judgemental whack-jobs, straining out the gnat while gulping down the camel as someone stated earlier.

9

Crazy Study Stories

by dubstepped in

i never really had any studies to speak of, but my parents did have many over the years, and every single one of them was batsh!t crazy in some way.

there was one lady we kids affectionately termed "dirty robin" (her name was robin) and yes, she was very dirty.

her kids were filthy and rarely wore clothes.

dubstepped

I never really had any studies to speak of, but my parents did have many over the years, and every single one of them was batsh!t crazy in some way. There was one lady we kids affectionately termed "Dirty Robin" (her name was Robin) and yes, she was very dirty. Her kids were filthy and rarely wore clothes. My parents were dumb enough to let her in our house and she stole from us. She was dumber than a rock, but she played them, so who was the dumb one in the end?

There was a couple on the same block as "Dirty Robin" who had demons. The wife was suicidal. I remember seeing things move in the house as a kid. It was super creepy in there and the people were super weird.

One study my dad had would be naked sometimes when my dad would arrive. Another woman professed to have written many popular songs of Elvis and others and lived in nasty little apartment with her name and "songwriter" under it on a plaque on the door. She told my mom that we were such well behaved kids, so did she tie us in chairs when we were little? Sure, seems like a logical conclusion, lol.

A few studies got deported, but I believe there were criminal circumstances that led to that. There were a few nice people that never took any of it really seriously but enjoyed the social aspect.

So many years, so many hours spent, and not one person ever came into the religion. So many crazies did come into our lives though. How about you?

119

Latest rumor - all WT construction "suspended", except for Warwick

by sir82 in

jw
friends

heard 4th-hand, but from a full-on believer, so not likely to be an "apostate lie":.

apparently, at bethel's morning worship this morning, it was announced that all worldwide wts construction is "suspended" for an indefinite time, except for the new world headquarters at warwick.. also, the "relocation" of remote translating teams is also suspended.. finally, there will be a "worldwide" reduction in bethel personnel.. all this came to me in a non-english language, and,as noted, 4th-hand.

so it is possible something may have been lost in translation and/or in the multiple steps between bethel morning worship & me.. but if true, it would be quite stunning.

dubstepped

Fisherman: My money goes to the WT.

Fixed that for you.