Man, I feel for you PE. Your mom is sick, and it's unlikely that she'll get better. This is just my opinion, but I don't think your daughter should be around such a sick person. She might catch it. You can invite the cousins over or find new kids for her to play with. The more entrenched the relationship with your mom becomes, the harder it will be when your daughter has to leave your mom behind. People put so much emphasis on family that they risk toxic environments to try to make things work. I know it's hard, and at the same time easy for me to say, but I'd cut your mom off completely out of love for your little girl.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
-
52
My families shunning has gone to a whole new level
by pale.emperor in8 months df'd.
loving a life of freedom.
however, my family are all shunning me.
-
-
-
19
Conditional Love
by Saethydd ini've noticed several posts recently claiming that jw friends and family members give out conditional love.
well, i'm not so sure that is entirely accurate, in fact, i would say they tend to be very steadfast in their love.
the issue is this, they have been taught a poor form of love.
-
-
dubstepped
So what you're saying is that they were taught conditional love and exhibit its traits, but it's not conditional love, though that's exactly what it is.
-
62
What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?
by DaPriest ini remember once in berlin south germany there was a local needs part for the men only, and how they should use the toilet.
in all seriousness for ten minutes a retarded nigerian was going on about how men need to sit down when using the toilet.
no mention of anything else.. it transpired that some little kraut boy from an "interested" family would aim for the side of the toilet and leave a great big puddle for others to clean up.
-
-
dubstepped
Not a local needs talk, but during the announcements one young married ex-Bethelite brother with a flair for the dramatic (or just an arrogant prick) got up with a special announcement. Sisters, apparently we're having an issue with the plumbing due to some sisters flushing sanitary napkins. With a dramatic arm flair he raised up a hand holding paper towels, and the sisters died laughing while his wife was mortified and turned bright red. He was such an asshat. Couldn't have happened to a better person.
-
55
Why so few XJWs online?
by StephaneLaliberte innot too long ago, i posted a topic where i pointed out that there are about 1 million xjws alive right now.
that number only represented the disfellowshipped ones... didn't account for those who had become publishers and left or anyone else who got hurt by that group by proxy.
so, why are there so few of them online?
-
-
dubstepped
Although I've given my feelings on it already, I just thought I'd speak to the dichotomy that is my wife and I. Although we left together, my wife was just done, while I spent time here and other places reading and challenging what I held dear for so many years. It wasn't just enough for me to say I was done, I wanted to put everything that I ever believed in to the test, and have bookmarked so many things here that were points I had never thought of. I still listen to JW Podcast and others, though I've never been heavy into videos. My wife, although she's interested to hear things if I want to share, never did anything. She left them, and just dropped the whole thing like a bad habit.
We've been out for just over a year since we disassociated. I'm still in the game and honestly some days I wish I could be like my wife and just drop it. She can't even remember some of the beliefs, though when we were in she struggled with some of that. She'd write a talk and read it to me and I'd have to correct her and tell her that you can't say this or that on the platform as that's not what we believe, lol. So I guess it makes sense to some degree why she left so easily and for me it was more of an exercise. Still, to just walk away almost like it never happened sounds so peaceful at times. Then again, when a chance to help someone comes up, she's not able to articulate beliefs and work with them as well as I can. Different strokes for different folks.
-
55
Why so few XJWs online?
by StephaneLaliberte innot too long ago, i posted a topic where i pointed out that there are about 1 million xjws alive right now.
that number only represented the disfellowshipped ones... didn't account for those who had become publishers and left or anyone else who got hurt by that group by proxy.
so, why are there so few of them online?
-
-
dubstepped
I get your desire to help and feel similarly. Not everyone is wired that way though. Also, many are in too much pain to help because they never worked it all out themselves. Many were dfed and had a sudden shock, they don't get therapy or any help, and they live in denial of the dub part of them. I had time to get out and it took years to do so. I got rid of the brainwashing. Most don't. It's just safer for them to shut the door on that messy room and pretend that it doesn't exist. We apostates are the minority. -
55
Why so few XJWs online?
by StephaneLaliberte innot too long ago, i posted a topic where i pointed out that there are about 1 million xjws alive right now.
that number only represented the disfellowshipped ones... didn't account for those who had become publishers and left or anyone else who got hurt by that group by proxy.
so, why are there so few of them online?
-
-
dubstepped
It seems to me that most ex-JWs just want to forget the past and move on to a normal life. I'm getting there myself. They don't want to be a JW or ex for the rest of their lives, so they walk away from all of it, and I can't blame them.
-
25
And then it hit me: we were abused
by Anders Andersen infrom a psychcentral (run by mental health professionals): a familiar item on a list of 7 types of parental abuse :.
spiritual abuse.
has the child experienced:dichotomous thinking – dividing people into two parts: those who agree with the parent and those who don’t.
-
-
dubstepped
David_Jay - You don't see Witnesses and their children constantly peeing themselves in public places or throwing up in church or school each and everyday because of having been made to follow the rules and miss Christmas. But I would do these things all the time due to the abuse I suffered as a child because I couldn't express emotionally what was happening to me at home when I was in the hands of my father and mother.
Following strict rules in the Witness religion doesn't leave you with bruises, with bloody noses, with concussions or sore genitals and a bleeding bum. Abuse does. Being taught there are evil spirits or Armageddon that can come any day now is not the same as being tied up and gagged and locked in a closet for a day or two, having to live in your own feces and urine.David, with all due respect, these words set your particular horrific example of abuse up as abuse, and you set apart following rules and missing Christmas or being taught about evil spirits or Armageddon as something that isn't abuse. Of course, the OP isn't just talking about simply those matters, but even those matters may have felt very abusive, and as a former JW you know there is more to what is going on than merely being told not to celebrate Christmas or that Armageddon is coming. I can't read those words and not see you holding your example of abuse up as one to measure others against.
My intent wasn't to shame you for your words, though maybe it came off that way. Intent is hard to read in these highly charged emotional subjects. My apologies if you felt shamed by my response, but my intent was to show that others don't have to feel bad about calling what happened to them abuse because abuse is more about how a person feels than a list of xyz that constitutes "abuse" in an official list. My intent was also to shine light on what I have seen as almost a competition of abuse, where people have a hard time giving weight to what happened to them because someone else had it worse, or where someone that had it worse has a hard time giving weight to what others went through because it wasn't seemingly as bad.
We may disagree on what constitutes abuse, and you have your right to your feelings on it, as I do mine. I've expressed on here how much I value your posts, but this one took me aback because I had to give weight to my own abuse even though there were no physical scars in order to begin to heal. My mom literally wished my dad would hit her so that she could give weight to it and get out. We all speak to these things from our own experiences and lens and this is an opportunity for us all to learn by speaking to these things. I'll bow out now, but I hope this shines some light on what I wrote. My intent was pure, even if I perhaps was taken aback and reacted too harshly to what I perceived as a harsh view. I do sometimes tend to see things differently than others, so if I misread my apologies are in order.
-
25
And then it hit me: we were abused
by Anders Andersen infrom a psychcentral (run by mental health professionals): a familiar item on a list of 7 types of parental abuse :.
spiritual abuse.
has the child experienced:dichotomous thinking – dividing people into two parts: those who agree with the parent and those who don’t.
-
-
dubstepped
@David_Jay - I appreciate your take, but not all abuse results in bruising, sore genitals, etc. You are taking your situation and making it the bar for abuse. Abuse also occurs in strictly emotional terms, and honestly it frightens me for those that you work with that you have such a narrow view of abuse. In fact, trying to tell people that feel abused that they aren't simply because it wasn't as bad as you had it is itself abusive. Invalidation of others fits right in line with emotionally abusive behavior.
Let me also add that I'm sorry for what you went through. It sounds like a person's worst nightmare. However, again that doesn't make it the measure of the spectrum of abuse.
-
22
Best of Topics
by Simon insome people had a penchant for posting their topics directly into the "best of topics" area.
it seemed more than a little arrogant to me that some imagined their every utterance was immediately a greatest hit but maybe people weren't clear on what that area was intended for .... from now on you won't be able to start new topics there.
if anyone wants to submit a topic to be added there (perhaps an index to a curated list of other topics by a user or on a certain subject / theme) then just start one in "suggestions" and pm me and, if it is suitable, then i'll move it into there.. existing topics posted there recently have been moved to more appropriate areas..
-
-
dubstepped
Hi Larry, and welcome! You should click on "post new topic", maybe choose the "friends" category, and introduce yourself. Feel free to tell us your story, and you'll find lots of support.
-
12
About 1.8 Millions disfellowshipped since 1981 and about 1.3 Million still are!
by StephaneLaliberte inthis means that for every 6 publishers, there is a disfellowshipped person.
this statistic doesn't take into account all of the kids that become/removed as publishers and receive a similar treatment from their family.
conclusion: jehovah's witnesses do break up families.
-
-
dubstepped
Ah, but it's the victim of disfellowshipping that they blame for breaking up the family. You're 100% correct, but it's all a matter of where blame is placed, and we all know that narcissists...errr...Jehovah's Witnesses, are never wrong.