Posts by dubstepped

33

Wanting Less Involvement (long newbie story)

by DepthsResounding in

i was raised a jw and am currently pioneer in a foreign language congregation.

i have been unhappy on and off with my involvement in this religion and am ready to step back again.

growing up i was always active but extremely reserved and a low hour publisher.

dubstepped

I get what you're trying to do. Just remember, if you were to marry such a man and at some point you want out of the religion entirely, it could cause stress between you two. You might want to get settled on where you end up, not where you want to be. I wanted to be in too and fading. Sometimes you don't get to pick where you end up in this. My eyes continued to be opened as I got away from the indoctrination. I eventually figured I'd be an independent Christian. Then I started digging into the Bible itself. I'm now basically an atheist. If you truly search for truth, you don't know where it might lead you.

I'm not trying to discourage the relationship though. If you truly find love go for it. It just sounds convenient with the fact that you could leave and avoid questioning too. It would be real easy to mistake love for just about any male attention or anything that might ease such a precarious position.

25

Lots of newbies posting! Welcome one and all!

by freddo in

jw
friends

is there something going on in jaydub land that has brought this on?

hope so!.

dubstepped

I agree. It is exciting to see these new one's leaving their bunkers and fleeing to freedom. I believe some called them the "Kevinly Class" after last year's videos from the convention. Come out and be free, find yourself, live life, make friends, and get help here.

33

Wanting Less Involvement (long newbie story)

by DepthsResounding in

i was raised a jw and am currently pioneer in a foreign language congregation.

i have been unhappy on and off with my involvement in this religion and am ready to step back again.

growing up i was always active but extremely reserved and a low hour publisher.

dubstepped

Welcome! I read, so you have at least these listening ears, among others above. I think that marrying an inactive brother is a horrible idea. Don't get married to someone that you don't truly love. Don't settle once again because of this organization. You'll likely regret it.

At some point you need to get out. You may not feel that quite as strongly right now because you've got one foot in or maybe even both. You're leaning out, but you're still in if you're pioneering quite extensively. A trend that I've noticed is that many that leave have some period of time where they get away from the conditioning and indoctrination. For my wife and I it was a period of time where we had to devote ourselves to paying off a massive tax debt. During that time away it is like our brains finally started digesting everything we were taught and we started waking up. You're already awakening, so it may be even quicker and more profound for you if you had some time away from it.

Ultimately, you can't live your life for other people and be happy. You simply cannot. You have to figure out who you are authentically and be that. When you do there will be a happiness that is immeasurable. That freedom is worth anything. We lost our families and everyone we knew in the religion. We disassociated. You don't have to do that. You could fade. Lots of people get depressed or develop some disease that doesn't have sure signs and then they no longer can do what they once did. To me, fading is a long road fraught with peril and playing their games, but it can be done successfully. It's all dependent on what you want to keep when you leave. We were willing to stop playing the game altogether and lose everyone. You have to make those decisions for yourself. Just don't attach yourself to someone else in the organization for the purpose of getting out. It's not fair to you, or to them.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Others here have been in similar ones. You can do this and find your way out. If you can get time away, your feelings will change toward the religion too. You will get clarity.

25

Whats in it for them?

by Moster in

i have been out for nearly 40 years now - baptized at 14 (although not to the org), but faded away.

but i am wondering about this:.

aside from the obvious power they wield, what's is in it for the gb?

dubstepped

Pretty much what Cofty said. They believe their own hype. They have power and admiration of millions. They have their life taken care of.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

rathernotsay : Some fantastic advice here. Thanks again. Just so you know I've just purchased a combination lock (so I can see if she plays around with the numbers) not going to say anything just put it on before I leave for work

Sounds healthy (rolls eyes). Passive aggressive activity isn't going to fix this. If you're going to lock it up, at least discuss it first and let her know that you don't want to, but if she can't leave your stuff alone she leaves you no choice. Use it as a metaphor for your marriage and where it's headed. Just locking it is a dick move, in my view, and only escalates things. It's a race to the bottom. There is no meeting of the minds here, just bad behavior.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

Other than that you're mad at her, does she know how you really feel when she treats you like that? Rage or anger usually masks and expresses profound sadness and pain. She might understand that more than outbursts or just discussions of anger. It sounds like you two don't really hear one another. Again, counseling could help here.

I'm not a fan of the lock. You shouldn't have to lock your room from your wife. You have bigger problems than MasterLock can fix. Relationships are about love and respect. Boundaries are built on that, with consequences for crossing them. It's tougher in a marriage because you're supposed to be a team, not a power dynamic.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

Oh man, she's definitely brainwashing the kiddos. Adults have a hard time being around them and not getting sucked in. Kids have little chance against its power. Most of us here were kids raised in it. It's a mind fuck. With you, a "worldly" parent, they do stand more of a chance.

I would highly recommend you read a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. You need some my friend. She's got none. That's a typical JW though. The cult recruits and breeds narcissists. And narcissists get in relationships with people that will put up with their bullshit.

Again, you need to push hard for marriage counseling. She needs to understand the seriousness of this. Please read up on boundaries online if you won't read the book. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Honestly, she deserves better. Time to bring in healthy relationship tools.

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

dubstepped

I went back and read your thread about her cheating. To me you either need to get marriage counseling or it's time to part ways. She has no respect for you, and I think that you have little for her, and she's definitely given you reasons for that. I'm sorry man. If one of us says no to something then no is the answer. We don't go behind each other's backs. That's messed up and says a lot.

4

The Surprise Of Many Over Shunning From Family And Friends

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

i think there's a level of cognitive dissonance that is present within many that leave over the shunning thing.

i hear so many tales of people that leave and think that their family will talk to them.

sure, that does happen, but it's by far the minority.

dubstepped

I think there's a level of cognitive dissonance that is present within many that leave over the shunning thing. I hear so many tales of people that leave and think that their family will talk to them. Sure, that does happen, but it's by far the minority. My wife was surprised at her family's reaction to us going to visit my disfellowshipped brother. I told her that it would have consequences, and she didn't think so. It did, immediate and swift consequences of shunning for one visit to my brother at that time.

If you leave, expect to be shunned forever. That's it. If you get anything more than that you're doing good. Yes, their shunning is stupid. Yes, these supposedly loving people are prepared to psychologically torture you to try to manipulate you, and maybe more importantly, to prove to themselves that they can take this ultimate stand for their "truth". It isn't so much about you really, but more about them and their relationship with the cult, but you need to start from the baseline of knowing that you're going to be shunned and it will be for the rest of your life. Honestly, it may be for the best, as those individuals have the stank of the cult all over them, and you can't interact with them without it. They are toxic people, often with tremendously dysfunctional boundaries and beliefs. It is sad. It is often heartbreaking. It is real though, and needs to be accepted when you leave as what will happen.

That doesn't mean that you can't hope for something to happen, maybe someone to awaken and come out with you at some point in the future, but so long as you are on those opposite sides of the fence, expect not to see them. If you're expectations are that these cult members are going to be reasonable, you're often setting yourself up for tremendous disappointment.

14

We do sound like a cult

by notalone in

jw
friends

"we do sound like a cult..." so in the last few conversations i have had with my still deeply in friend she has mentioned this a couple times when lamenting things that don't seem right.

she has a relative that left and is telling everyone jw's are a cult.

she is very defensive and deeply disturbed by this accusation.

dubstepped

That is encouraging and mirrors some of my own path to awakening. Give her time and keep playing that long game. I think it just might pay off with this one. It's a painful process and very stressful, but there's such a beautiful freedom that lies just beyond that.