Posts by dubstepped

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

Note that I said that nobody there (at the conference) shuns to the same extent. Not nobody in the world. The orthodox or hasidic Jewish communities may shun along the same lines at times and may force someone to leave the communities, which is an extra physical burden. Some Amish (old order) may too. But they don't shun at the same scale. My apologies if I overstated.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

Oh yeah, and the meetup was really fun. We had two large tables ful of ex-JWs at the Berg'n food court. Great conversation and people came from Boston, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New York. Oh and my wife and I from the Louisville Kentucky area.

One of the common refrains I heard was that it was so nice to talk to others that just get it, no explanation needed. We talked about JW stuff but also about life after, sports, work, lots of things. The food was great. We spent about 5 hours together there and then some of us moved on to dinner at a restaurant I had reserved. That was a nice continuation. We had a few that were supposed to join at dinner but they couldn't make it.

All in all a wonderful time was had.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

I thought I'd share here what I took away from the conference. I posted this on Facebook. Also there will be video forthcoming in a few weeks as they get it put together. I have some audio but I am still in NYC and haven't been home to put it on my computer and see how it turned out.

So here you go:

Wow, yesterday's event was really great. I met people from Islam, orthodox Judaism, Quiverfull, the Amish, Mennonite, Hare Krishna, etc. I was greeted by strangers that knew my name from the podcast. A JW nonprofit organization sent someone to meet me and talk with me about opportunities. I met others that do work in helping people.

I met a woman that was taken to Libya because that way her husband could take the kids as he was afraid she was losing faith. He did. She spoke out for her children. I met people of faith that supported their spouse that had left faith. I met people that went from home schooling or educations that lasted only until the 8th grade that are in Ivy League schools. One courageous speaker's father was a governor in Pakistan that was murdered for even questioning the existence of an anti-blasphemy law.

One moment that stood out was when a speaker asked for a show of hands of how many were there that had left a religion. Then he asked how many were there to support. There were more supporters that were interested in this, that help through organizations, that knew someone, etc. that were present than those that had left. We need that. Those that leave need support in the outside. They need to be seen and heard and they often need help.

I'm looking seriously into starting a nonprofit to help victims of Jehovah's Witnesses that have left. So many struggle to survive after leaving everything they've ever known. JWs would say that's because of Satan. I say it's simply because they're dealing with the trauma of living and leaving that JW life. They need help to get the basics and they can't often thrive until they can first survive, like any population.

When religions use the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) or the BITE models (controlling behavior, access to information, thoughts, emotions) they can rightly be called "high control religions", at times cults.

One interesting thing I took away is that nobody there shuns to the extreme that Jehovah's Witnesses do. Nobody strips you of everything and everyone to the extent that the JWs do.

Im so glad that I got to be a part of these voices speaking out. I hope that more will do so and that more will listen and support.

A man that was a Hasidic Jew talked about how there was a measles outbreak in NYC that made the news. Suddenly people were outraged that their community didn't vaccinate kids. Why? Because now it impacted their children. It was okay as long as it was over there, "those people", but when it touches the outside people take note. It's human nature. If we want to be better humans though at some point we have to start taking notice of "those people", those children and adults that need our help before it makes the news. We're out here collectively speaking out from JWs to Muslims, from Amish to Jewish, and we all have a story. It touches those of us that lived it and continue to and we hope our stories touch outsiders now to gain more support and supporters. That is how change will happen.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

Scratch that. Not entirely, as I'm still speaking at the conference on a panel, but the venue went from Columbia to some rental venue. I just found out on my way up to NYC that it was changed. Disappointing, as far as the cache of the venue, but still happy to do the conference.

I've been excited to speak at Columbia for months. Especially as someone never allowed to go to college. Oh well.

21

What can a therapist really do?

by Thetruthhurts in

hi all, i've not read the forums for awhile as i've been trying to move on with my life but i'm back and posting for the first time feeling like i cant get a grip.

so i'm wondering for those of you that have seen a therapist and say that it truly helps, what can be accomplished?

i'm just really skeptical, but starting to feel desperate.

dubstepped

I actually work with people as a life coach and help ex-JWs and others work on various things in their lives. I like to focus on the stories we lived and processing those, the stories we tell ourselves from those past experiences that inform our present circumstances, and then once we see where we are and how we got there it's a matter of figuring out the story we want to live. One thing I like to do is to create awareness. There are a lot of patterns we play out from our cult upbringing along with our family that we end up repeating. If those can be identified and we can start to recognize them and not give them our energy, we have energy to put into more productive and forward thinking steps. I'm actually working with the International Cultic Studies Association on a program to help therapists be more effective in working with survivors of cults.

I provide my services online through video chats. If a person is looking for a therapist near them that isn't trained or doesn't have the experience to work with people from cults, sometimes a therapist that specializes in domestic violence can be of help. Many of the same patterns of control and dominance exerted in a domestic violence situation are seen in cults.

One thing to remember with therapy or coaching is that you are hiring this person to help you. It isn't always a good fit from the start and if you don't feel comfortable telling the person just about anything, including that it's not working out, then maybe it's not the right fit. I want the people I'm working with to be empowered and tell me whatever they need to. My goal isn't to make them dependent on me anyway, but to help them move on. I often wonder why people have the same therapist for a decade or more. It makes me think that not much progress is being made. Sometimes it is needed, I'm sure, for complex diagnoses and people that may never be able to do more than manage a severe illness, but at other times it just doesn't seem like an effective modality or relationship.

9

My Dissociation Letter (audio)

by Antonio_Madaleno in

you can listen here:.

https://youtu.be/ofmsypm50n8.

dubstepped

Good for you Antonio! We disassociated just over four years ago. Best decision we ever made.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

@Rayo - I wish I could give a full presentation like that again. Originally I was going to be one of the primary speakers at this but they were inundated with people with more academic credentials than I for solo parts so I was put on a panel. Ultimately it's an academic conference. I'm just happy to get to represent Jehovah's Witnesses in with the others and to speak in any form or fashion at Columbia is an honor.

My wife is going to video the panel however possible. I purchased a small audio recorder that should have enough juice to last the whole thing and I'm going to record as much as it will allow me. I may not have video of everything but hopefully I can have audio. We'll see how it does.

5

Escaping a Christian Cult Podcast

by iwantoutnow in

hello all.. i implore you to the time out and listen to this podcast where sam harris interviews the granddaughter of the founder of the westboro baptist church, about her experience there and leaving.

megan phelps-roper.. the parallels to the jw world are astounding!.

https://samharris.org/podcasts/171-escaping-christian-cult/.

dubstepped

Yeah, she was great on Rogan's show. I enjoyed that one.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

Thanks guys. There will definitely be something recorded. I'll see what I can make of it all when I get back. I'll share it here when I get it ready.

33

I'll be speaking at Columbia University next weekend, meetup to follow....

by dubstepped in

so i'll be speaking on a panel as part of the "when rights and religions collide" event next saturday, october 19. if you'd like to attend you can learn more here:https://rightsandreligions.com/.

i'm also going to host a meetup on sunday if any of you are in the nyc area.

i'm still putting the finishing touches on the details but if you'd like to join in and meet myself, my wife, and a few people that listen to the shunned podcast or that are in my facebook group called by the same name shoot me a private message soon.

dubstepped

@Biahi - Sorry you can't make it. I'm trying to get out there and to meet people and give a voice to people that often don't have one.

@Rub a Dub - Sorry to bring out your ptsd regarding citations.