Bliss - I felt every word of your post. ((((Hugs))) to you and your daughter. One of the things I love about this place is the validation I get. I'm not crazy, wrong, sinful, ect. We KNOW what really goes on in the WTBTS when its members are allowed only to see one side of things.
Frobisher we are not victims. Most of us are here to recover. Recover means to get back what was lost. And speaking for myself - What I am recovering was not lost -- it was taken from me - harshly, by an organization that claims to be the organization of a god of love. You seem to still be able to recite the JW "script" - I call it a script because most JW's repsond the same way to a given situation with WT words. My mom says the same things....She shuns me because of MY CHOICES. My choice to not return to an organization that is full of hypocracy, lies and broken promises. They mislead my mom and threaten to discard her to satan if she dare read non-WT literature about the WTBTS with witch she could make an INFORMED decision.
I was DF'ed 18 years ago and although I knew I would not return I always had a nagging doubt about things. I thought I would never really know if it was the "true" religion or not. I thought I would find out when Armageddon came or once I died. But then I read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and found out sooner than I anticipated! I would encourage you to do some research of your own. For years I was afraid to pray because I was afraid the Witnesses would then knock on my door and I'd have to go back. Today I pray without fear and I pray everyday for my mom.