Posts by Terry

6

Grant Us Peace

by Terry in

grant us peace______i was 12 years old.a jesuit (substitute teacher) entered my 6th grade classroom and beamed a handsome smile.. 1959 and this was music class.our actual teacher was unable to attend and sent her priest instead!how very odd.. i had never beheld an actual catholic priest before that moment, never had a human being with such a beautiful expression appeared.there is a word for it: numinous.. his name : michael.

the archangel.. he seemed to open his arms to the classroom...to enfold us inside wings of a theatrical presence.. he spoke and we were instructed.the song was dona nobis pacem (grant us peace.

)his mouth opened.

Terry

Under his arm was a Bible, well-thumbed and comfortable.
His face tipped me off what was up-- I've seen this sort of dreamy glow before.
Hell--I owned it myself when I was twenty.

He was telling the barista how much he appreciated her and she nodded, smiling pleasantly.

Was it god shine, moonshine, or the milk of human kindness at play upon the fields of the Lord? Don't know.

He gave no offense--as I waited on him to detach a bit longer than his simple transaction at the register required.

Later, he sat down at a table next to me.
Uh-oh, thought I as his chair bumped mine and off we go...
____

He flashed an incredibly compassionate face and his tender words of pardon swept outward and fell upon me as a warm April rain on flowers.

I nodded affably. Silence is golden, you see.

Some half a minute later, he stood and turned round extending his hand for shaking, introducing himself.

"I'm Raj."

"I'm Terry, how do you, Raj?"

"I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your being here today and what a blessing you are to me."

"Many people feel that way about me, Raj and it's very good of you to say so."

"God Bless you, Terry."

I presented my best expression of utter delight.

Raj falters inside his thoughts momentarily. Then, he turned back around and sat for five minutes.

Presently, up springs Raj.
He gallops over to a table seating 3 ladies engaged in a personal chat.
I can't hear what he says as he interrupts with his endearing message of starlight and golden feathers. 3 ladies' faces light up like moonbeams. Raj tugs out a chair for his bottom and sits stringing rainbows for several minutes.

I sigh.

Straightaway, delighted giggles bubble to the surface. A trio of middle-aged womanhood is loving whatever blossoms out of Raj's verbal garden.

Now he's back. He sits and opens his laptop. I catch sight of his screen. It's Bible Gateway. Of course, it is.

Nope--back up! Across the floor, he glides. Table to table like a latter-day Johnny Appleseed of appreciation and cheer. He plants seeds of--I don't know what. Nobody is less than delighted by the time he departs and on to the next harvest.

What's he on about? For some reason--experience probably--I already know the answer.

There is a word for it. It's a word I didn't learn until I was way past embodying its meaning in my own youth.

NUMINOUS: having a strong religious or spiritual quality; indicating or suggesting the presence of a divinity.
____

Raj was a divine delivery system yesterday afternoon.
The message?

We are beautiful. We are dear. We are appreciated.

As an encounter, it was the least offensive I've ever known.
_____

6

Grant Us Peace

by Terry in

grant us peace______i was 12 years old.a jesuit (substitute teacher) entered my 6th grade classroom and beamed a handsome smile.. 1959 and this was music class.our actual teacher was unable to attend and sent her priest instead!how very odd.. i had never beheld an actual catholic priest before that moment, never had a human being with such a beautiful expression appeared.there is a word for it: numinous.. his name : michael.

the archangel.. he seemed to open his arms to the classroom...to enfold us inside wings of a theatrical presence.. he spoke and we were instructed.the song was dona nobis pacem (grant us peace.

)his mouth opened.

Terry

Thank you, Vanderhoven7.

I appreciate the appreciation :)

6

Grant Us Peace

by Terry in

grant us peace______i was 12 years old.a jesuit (substitute teacher) entered my 6th grade classroom and beamed a handsome smile.. 1959 and this was music class.our actual teacher was unable to attend and sent her priest instead!how very odd.. i had never beheld an actual catholic priest before that moment, never had a human being with such a beautiful expression appeared.there is a word for it: numinous.. his name : michael.

the archangel.. he seemed to open his arms to the classroom...to enfold us inside wings of a theatrical presence.. he spoke and we were instructed.the song was dona nobis pacem (grant us peace.

)his mouth opened.

Terry

GRANT US PEACE
______
I was 12 years old.
A Jesuit (substitute teacher) entered my 6th grade classroom and beamed a handsome smile.

1959 and this was Music class.
Our actual teacher was unable to attend and sent her priest instead!
How very odd.

I had never beheld an actual Catholic priest before that moment, never had a human being with such a beautiful expression appeared.
There is a word for it: numinous.

His name : Michael. Of course. The archangel.

He seemed to open his arms to the classroom...to enfold us inside wings of a theatrical presence.

He spoke and we were instructed.
The song was DONA NOBIS PACEM (grant us peace.)

His mouth opened. The simple melody released.
It began ...continued...ended. A sort of dream.

With him, Michael carried a violin case which opened
as the spectacular instrument caught the light ...just so...
as his head tilted and his cheek pressed against the wood as a baby's cheek against his mother's breast is pressed.

This was the first violin I'd heard played outside of a tinny radio speaker.
As the ancient melody climbed aloft, Michael's voice joined in.

The violin played one line as the Jesuit's voice carried underneath a harmony. This introduced a magic inside my head which, to this very day, has never left me.

We were asked to sing. Boys sang harmony;
girls, the melody.

Doh oh nahhhhh
(pause) no-oh-beeeeese.....
Pah ah chem pah chem ....

Doh oh oh oh nahhhh
no oh oh oh beeeese
pah ah chem, pah chem.

I learned more from that music class than from all the rest.

It was more than my mind could contain or my emotions could comprehend.
I've come to conclude what I experienced was a
transcendent moment.

I suddenly realized why the Catholic Church had lasted two thousand years.
_____

Catholics were never taught anything compared to Jehovah's Witnesses who were indoctrinated relentlessly.
Ironically, a couple of thousand years have passed for Catholics and only one hundred for JW's and they've both
ended up in court infested by child molesters.

The simple awe of church spectacle and music the hearts of the parish inside those churches. Forgiveness
is dispensed and hearts are (seemingly) healed.
Inside a Kingdom Hall, fear of Armageddon is pounded like hammer to anvil.

So different; yet - perhaps ultimately the same.

Our first video featuring our female singers, "Dona Nobis Pacem", recorded live on November 12, 2017 by the Sunday 7pm Choir at St. Francis De Sales Church i...

17

A Song to Jehovah's Praise - rejected!

by Terry in

jw
friends

as an obedient little jw at age 20, i was serving time in federal prison in the late 60's, and the 40 brothers inside seagoville prison decided to stage our own assembly.i was the music servant.

(we didn't have elders back then.

)the theme of the assembly mimicked the free world assemblies being held outside.long story short:i composed (what i think and everyone else thought was) a very good song titled:following the fine shepherd as the end draws near.we rehearsed it (bros who had instruments) and the consensus revealed it was a winner._____excerpt:"jehovah god above, we owe you all our love; you are our shepherd and we follow you.though satan demands, that we must compromise; we'd sooner face death than be wrong in your eyes.now and forevermore, we fear not satan's roar;you are our shepherd and we follow you.

Terry

I have had half a century to weigh the days of my prison experience carefully.
Hindsight pits the man I am against the boy I was.
In my memoir of prison, I Wept by the Rivers of Babylon, I have a conversation with myself.

Nobody learns anything from experience except AFTER the experience. Up till that point,
you go on trust, counsel, admonition, and - I suppose, a certain amount of self-interest.

The problem with a Jehovah's Witness's "conscience" is that IT DOESN'T EXIST. Not really.
Why do I say that?
Because we are not allowed to act in our own best interest. Not legitimately.
We are only deceived into thinking obedience to Watchtower results in everybody's best interest
and that is fraudulent.
I was a Conscientious Objector in name only. I acted against my own best interests under mind control.
I can say that now. I'd have argued differently, of course, back then.

19

IRAN - An inevitable clash of civilizations just up ahead (1953-1979)

by Terry in

jw
friends

satan peeks over the horizon in qatar :).

arbitrary borders on a map of the middle east, post wwi.. .

civilizations were uprooted.. .

Terry

waton12 hours ago

Persia ( Iran) was once the friend of Israel, when it freed the captives at the waters of babylon, and send them back rebuilding.

_____
The big change in Persia (Iran) was the invasion of Muslim armies which conquered in 651.
Iranians (Persians) were Zoroastrians until then.
Zoroastrianism was a STRONG influence on the theology of Judaism as its faith centered on a dualistic cosmology of good and evil and an eschatology predicting the ultimate conquest of evil.
We in the West seem to forget the invasion of Islam into countries such as Persia and Egypt turned the culture upside down and all but entirely eradicated their psychology.
Think of Japanese culture BEFORE and AFTER the defeat and invasion of U.S. armies in 1945.

17

A Song to Jehovah's Praise - rejected!

by Terry in

jw
friends

as an obedient little jw at age 20, i was serving time in federal prison in the late 60's, and the 40 brothers inside seagoville prison decided to stage our own assembly.i was the music servant.

(we didn't have elders back then.

)the theme of the assembly mimicked the free world assemblies being held outside.long story short:i composed (what i think and everyone else thought was) a very good song titled:following the fine shepherd as the end draws near.we rehearsed it (bros who had instruments) and the consensus revealed it was a winner._____excerpt:"jehovah god above, we owe you all our love; you are our shepherd and we follow you.though satan demands, that we must compromise; we'd sooner face death than be wrong in your eyes.now and forevermore, we fear not satan's roar;you are our shepherd and we follow you.

Terry

Inside Seagoville Federal Institution (on the outskirts of Dallas) there were two large "congregations" of young brothers.
That's about 40 JW's from Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas mostly.

Only one brother, A.C. Williams (as I recall) gave up and told the warden he would enlist in the Army.
Sidebar: I think many (if not most) of us were admonished by the Judge who sentenced us, "At any time,
if you change your mind, you can be released from prison and go into the Armed Forces."

I know of a few others who had been attacked in jail.
I was sexually assaulted in prison.
Another brother became a "companion" to a convict which -to the rest of us - looked suspiciously like something else. Randy Wharton was his name.
Day to day life was constant mental adjustments, ratcheting up, fastening down, an inch at a time.
I said to myself, "Nothing can stop time from passing and every day is one day closer to getting out."

In my wildest dreams, my entire sentence - at worst - would last half a year. That seemed an eternity in my head. As it turned out, I went in in 67 and got out in 69 on parole until 73.
You see, I was twenty years old when sentenced under the Youth Correction Act. The maximum sentence was SIX years. Had I been twenty-one the maximum would be FIVE.
Ironic.
___
In research, years and years afterward, I discovered that all of us were fully within our rights to appeal our Draft classifications (many were not acknowledged to be real religious ministers).
The only help the Organization offered officially was a letter to the Judge - BUT - only if a brother was a full-time Pioneer (and agreed to remain so.)
Many brothers opted to go into the Full-Time Pioneer work under the proviso in their congregation the Watchtower Society officials would send a letter to be used to exempt them as legitimate ministers.

I was instructed by the congregation Overseer (Elder) and his assistant never to say to anybody I had received counseling about military service.
I was like a disavowed mercenary in a bad movie.

I was engaged to be married before I went to jail. Within a few months I got a letter reneging on our promises.
I'd hear rumors the Brothers were asking her out on dates quite often.
I tried not to see this as betrayal.
That was NOT easy!

My congregation never sent a letter or postcard of encouragement or even offered my mother a word.
Mom never failed to visit me. Jw's? Ha ha ha. Don't kid yourself.

19

IRAN - An inevitable clash of civilizations just up ahead (1953-1979)

by Terry in

jw
friends

satan peeks over the horizon in qatar :).

arbitrary borders on a map of the middle east, post wwi.. .

civilizations were uprooted.. .

Terry

To my way of seeing (having lived in the forties, fifties, sixties,seventies, eighties, nineties, etc),
politics is now a religious litmus test of true-believers. But it is a religion of fanatics, hot heads, and short fuses.
There is an unpleasant glimpse of how friends and relatives are AT THEIR WORST I never wanted to see.
I'd love say it's "inhuman" - but - we all know that would be wildly inaccurate.

17

A Song to Jehovah's Praise - rejected!

by Terry in

jw
friends

as an obedient little jw at age 20, i was serving time in federal prison in the late 60's, and the 40 brothers inside seagoville prison decided to stage our own assembly.i was the music servant.

(we didn't have elders back then.

)the theme of the assembly mimicked the free world assemblies being held outside.long story short:i composed (what i think and everyone else thought was) a very good song titled:following the fine shepherd as the end draws near.we rehearsed it (bros who had instruments) and the consensus revealed it was a winner._____excerpt:"jehovah god above, we owe you all our love; you are our shepherd and we follow you.though satan demands, that we must compromise; we'd sooner face death than be wrong in your eyes.now and forevermore, we fear not satan's roar;you are our shepherd and we follow you.

Terry

We were "manufactured" poster boys advertising the "true" religion but I never got a visit request from
anybody from the congregation other than my best friend who came out to see me one time between 1967 -1969,
When I returned to the congregation after parole, the word was "How was college?"
It was seen as a vacation rather than as prison.
I guess that's how little thought was given.
I should have spilled the beans about sexual molestation rather than acting as though I had angels with brass knuckles as body guards.

17

A Song to Jehovah's Praise - rejected!

by Terry in

jw
friends

as an obedient little jw at age 20, i was serving time in federal prison in the late 60's, and the 40 brothers inside seagoville prison decided to stage our own assembly.i was the music servant.

(we didn't have elders back then.

)the theme of the assembly mimicked the free world assemblies being held outside.long story short:i composed (what i think and everyone else thought was) a very good song titled:following the fine shepherd as the end draws near.we rehearsed it (bros who had instruments) and the consensus revealed it was a winner._____excerpt:"jehovah god above, we owe you all our love; you are our shepherd and we follow you.though satan demands, that we must compromise; we'd sooner face death than be wrong in your eyes.now and forevermore, we fear not satan's roar;you are our shepherd and we follow you.

Terry

As an obedient little JW at age 20, I was serving time in Federal prison in the late 60's, and the 40 brothers inside Seagoville prison decided to stage our own assembly.

I was the Music servant. (We didn't have Elders back then.)

The theme of the assembly mimicked the free world assemblies being held outside.

Long story short:
I composed (what I think and everyone else thought was) a very good song titled:

Following the Fine Shepherd as the End Draws Near.

We rehearsed it (bros who had instruments) and the consensus revealed it was a winner.
_____
Excerpt:

"Jehovah God above, we owe you all our love; you are our shepherd and we follow you.

Though Satan demands, that we must compromise; we'd sooner face death than be wrong in your eyes.

Now and forevermore, we fear not Satan's roar;
You are our shepherd and we follow you. . ."
____
However . . .

Just to make sure we were not "running ahead" of the Society, our version of an Elder, Tollie Padget, had the traveling Overseer (Circuit Servant) who visited the prison once a month, preview and decide the matter of each presentation on our "assembly" program.

Guess what?

Brother Bourgeois disapproved only MY song.
Why?

About a month previous, his step-daughter (whom I had dated on the outside) wanted to be added to my Visitor's list, but Brother Bourgeois had told her she could not visit because the incarcerated brothers could be a bad influence. (When I heard this I was apoplectic).

I wrote him a personal letter filled with scriptures and made the error of quoting Proverbs 18:3 "Anyone replying to a matter before it is heard, it is a foolishness for him and a humiliation."
I explained that any JW who was willing to give up their personal life and freedom to remain neutral in accord with the WTS policy might well be the BEST influence available for his step-daughter!

He had his pride ruffled and aroused by my words and he sent me a rejoinder letter that pretty much excoriated me for attacking one of Jehovah's anointed. (Yeah, this knuckle-dragger was "anointed".)
Go figure.
________

This holier than my song Theocratic anointed brother excluded my song because "He had prayed on the matter and Jehovah's spirit had 'told' him it wasn't reverent and respectful."

So. . .

that's how Jehovah's spirit-anointed leadership decided matters in at least that one instance.

About twenty years later, his step-daughter told me her step-Dad had "come out" as Gay!
He came out after being caught in a compromising situation which was impossible to explain.
It would be bad manners for me to call this Karma, Baby!
So, I won't.
Let's just say, the Lord moves in mysterious ways His wonders to perform

Postscript: Ironic now, but we refused to be referred to as JW's back then because it was an abbreviation (not unlike the tetragrammaton) and as such "did not give full glory" to such a majestic name.
At least, that's the poop explanation the Elders admonished when they heard brothers in prison were called JW's.
Lions and tigers and idiots - oh my!

3

Say "NO!" to the "drug" of Absolute Belief

by Terry in

absolute certainty(the grip of belief).

in physics class the professor gathers his students together on the first day of school in the gymnasium for a stunning demonstration in what he terms "absolute certainty.

"there is also a law of conservation of energy.

Terry

truth_b_known6 hours ago

That is pretty awesome, Terry!

___
I appreciate your kind words.
_____

About a year and a half ago, I finally located one of my cherished mentors from prison days.
We all pretty much lost touch with each other and that's lamentable.
I knew this brother was extremely zealous. I was reluctant to speak to him--unless--he had faded.
Asking around over a period of months I heard rumors - confidential, of course - he was unbuckling the straitjacket of Watchtower indentured servitude.
I plunged in and took a chance.
We had a terrific conversation. That is - for about ten minutes. Then, he dropped some "Jehovah" phrases of praise and my heart sunk low.
Big sigh.
I decided I'd break off and tell him I'd continue with an e-mail.
After we hung up - I sent him the most sincere letter I could manage to compose explaining my transition from the days of imprisonment up to the time I left the Organization forever. I kept it personal rather than ranty.
I told him I was including the PDF of my book and highlighted that he was fondly mentioned inside.
"If you decide you'd be comfortable continuing our talk - please either call me or e-mail."
That's how I left it.
Naturally, I heard nothing.
Then, a some months back, I came across the Obituary mentioning his death.
I cried.
_____________
(From my FACEBOOK post that day)

ANOTHER FRIEND BITES THE DUST

Just got word one of my favorite friends died a year ago!
He remained a devout Jehovah's Witness--so--he could not/would not speak to me. I loved him very much.
We were in prison together.

He was my mentor. He was an intellectual firebrand.
When I was assaulted, he's the one who went to prison authorities and snitched. (I refused to do it.)

It was he, Tollie Padget, who gathered six of the toughest looking JW's and surrounded my assailant and gave him a good talking to. (I smile at that...we were there as non-violent folks, you see. Words were our only weapons.)

Tollie showed me what a Great Teacher was all about.
I patterned myself as closely as possible after him.
Tollie was 3 years older than the rest of us. He was a college graduate with, I think, a degree in Physics.
He had given up Science to become a JW. He attended the JW Missionary school, Gilead. He served as a missionary in Chile until he became too ill to continue.

What a guy!
Four years after we were paroled, the END of 6,000 years of human existence was supposed to happen--immediately followed by the Thousand Year Reign of Christ.
(Spoiler Alert: it didn't happen.)
I turned away from the cult and pursued the Art career end of things. Tollie didn't flinch.

Just think about that, will you?
His religion predicted THE END and he remained another 40 years thinking it was going to come "soon."
I called Tollie on the phone about 2 or 3 years ago.
I heard rumors he was mentally free of the religion.

He was happy to hear my voice.
We chatted for about fifteen minutes until---
He said something or other--it was the statement of a devout True-Believer!
Oh, no.
I made an excuse to go and promised to e-mail him.
You see...
I just didn't want to have "THAT" conversation with him.
You know, the one where I'm an Apostate and he has to disconnect from me because I'm going to die at Armageddon?
Yeah.
I wrote him instead and included a copy of my prison biography--(with a chapter on Tollie).
I invited him to read it and we'd discuss things---If he so chose.

He did not.
Image may contain: 1 person, smiling
Now...he's gone. So many of my band of Brothers are dead and gone. They died waiting on the bus that doesn't come.

Wherever you are, Tollie my good friend--I love you