I have been following your situation from the post, and can sympathize with you. I faded 30 years ago and there is a price to pay, but morally I felt I had to be in a position to look for and help others in the same situation. I still keep contacts in the org for this reason.
As far as the wife, she is still in but she knows my thinking. Example: Wife says..... Why don't you tell the elders of your questions! Whats a matter, are you scared!
Me: Yes.......what does that tell you about the organziation we are in.
Wife looks at me at that moment speechless. I could tell in her eyes that she got the point and knew I was on to something. She never approached the subject again and would not "tell" on me.