It was overall good, but a couple of parts in the dialogue I found unrealistic.
I doubt a JW elder would say “Jehovah is right here in the room”, or “no one will ever speak to you again, you’ll be an outcast”. I mean it’s not impossible that some JW elder would say that, because these situations play out many thousands of times, and some proportion of them is bound to be whacky and atypical, but it would be unusual wording because JWs don’t usually talk about Jehovah being “in the room”, or say disfellowshipped people will never be spoken to “ever again”, or use the word “outcast”.
The part of the self-righteous young brother who convinces the girl to shun her father, has sex with her, then dumps her to save himself, is all too believable!