good evening,.
i have a new friend whom i know used to be jw; not sure if he is still affiliated or not.
i know jw's don't celebrate birthdays or christmas, but how about new year's?
Good evening,
I have a new friend whom I know used to be JW; not sure if he is still affiliated or not. I know JW's don't celebrate Birthdays or Christmas, but how about New Year's? I found a perfect gift--if I can't give it to him for Christmas, would it be appropriate to give it "just because", or is gift-giving out of the question??
Thank you,
Jellybean
ok. i have some questions, and thought this may be a place to get some answers.. i'm going to be honest here, so please don't bash me too much, as i was never a jw.. in july i was out at a drinking establishment in my home town.
my husband and i have been having marital trouble, and we were trying a trial seperation.
guys were hitting on me left and right--which i had absolutely no interest in.
Original poster here. First off, I want to thank everybody for their sincere responses--I was certain I'd be labeled. Thank you.
I will find a way to bring his faith into our next conversation. It will be kind of weird, but it's also kind of weird not knowing and wondering.
A couple of you had a few comments I'd be interested in hearing more about.
To gerbils comment: "If you see him again ask him about his faith, no doubt he will open up to you, and if he's got problems then he will need someone understanding to communicate with. My question--IF he is JW and I'm not, especially after I "broke the rules" with him, am I allowed to be someone understanding he can communicate with?
To formerout's: "Most of the time the JWs' true personalities don't come out when you first meet them. A lot of their beliefs are unhealthy, especially for women who seem to be as independent as you do." What do you mean about true personalities not coming out when we first meet them? Does that mean he might not really be the kind, shy, loyal, easy to talk to, good advise giving person he seems to be? And what are some examples of the unhealthy beliefs unhealthy for independent women? (Just wondering wht kind of thing to maybe watch for.)
To Big Tex's: " They have strange rules and teachings regarding women, some of which may surprise you." Again, what kind of strange rules and teachings regarding women?
Something else I do know. He comes from a very large family, and I do know that about 20 years ago in High School, the younger siblings were definately raised JW. Unless the whole darn family quit, I still have to wonder until I actually ask him--I do know that he is very close with his parents and his siblings. I also know for sure that one of his siblings got into some trouble with sex, drugs and rock & roll and the family hasn't shunned him. Does that mean maybe the whole family did quit the religion??
Thank you,
Jellybean
PS I did remember something that would make him able to figure out that I'm not JW. The first time we ever met, the only picture I had to show him of my kids was one of them sitting on the Easter Bunny's lap. Duh--I guess that would let him know, huh?!?!
ok. i have some questions, and thought this may be a place to get some answers.. i'm going to be honest here, so please don't bash me too much, as i was never a jw.. in july i was out at a drinking establishment in my home town.
my husband and i have been having marital trouble, and we were trying a trial seperation.
guys were hitting on me left and right--which i had absolutely no interest in.
OK. I have some questions, and thought this may be a place to get some answers.
I'm going to be honest here, so please don't bash me too much, as I was never a JW.
In July I was out at a drinking establishment in my home town. My husband and I have been having marital trouble, and we were trying a trial seperation. Guys were hitting on me left and right--which I had absolutely no interest in. There was one guy in the place that kind of caught my eye, as he was very shy and real looking--definately not your average guy on the make. For some reason or other, I bought him a beer and he came over to sit by me and we really hit it off. Had plenty to talk about, and he seemed like a really nice guy. It turns out he is the older brother of a few kids I went to high school with, and I knew those kids were JW in school. He used strange words like "mate" when speaking of my husband, he refers to his sister and brother-in-law as his brother and sister, and he stumbled over how old he was but did know his year of birth, in speaking of my relatives upcoming wedding he asked me what church (maybe he was trying to decide if I was JW??)--from that, I guess I assume he is JW himself. Any ways, as the night went on and the beers went down, we somehow ended up together in the women's bathroom totally making out for about 45 minutes. I kept saying--gosh, I just don't do this kind of thing, and he kept assuring me that he is shy and this isn't his style, either, but we stayed in the bathroom! :) A few days later, I went back to my mom's and called this guy. I wanted to tell him that I am actually married in a separation, and that I'm sorry if I led him on, but my life is very confusing right now. Before I told him that, he wanted me to stay the night with him. After I told him, he told me he certainly didn't want to bust anything up in my home, and it was up to me if I wanted to stay. Well, I stayed, and we ended up having sex. (again, definately not my style, and he told me later I was the only woman he'd been with since his divorce 2 1/2 years ago--his wife up and left him and his son, taking him for about all that he had.) OK. Since then, we've talked a few times on the phone and met at the local establishment once, with no hanky panky. My husband moved back in, and the JW knows this. This weekend, I was back in the area for a wedding and called this guy and told him I'd be at the local establishment with my uncle for a while, if he wanted to stop in. Well, he did stop in. Again, he was so wonderful and our conversation and laughter was so nice. He did ask about how the marriage was going, and I was honest--it has it's good days, and it's bad, and I'm honestly not sure where it's going. There were no "bathroom encounters" or making out or anything like that. Though he did proceed to hold my hand--with my wedding ring on and my uncle sitting down the bar. He apologized that he wasn't able to meet me in my home town last month for a local band I wanted to see. I told him the band was going to be back in a couple weeks, and that my husband was going to be out of state, if he wanted to go. He agreed, and I told him to be sure to put it on his calendar. I proceeded to get drunk off my butt, and instead of letting me drive back to my hotel drunk, he took me to his place and tucked me in. Pretty much stood vigil outside the bathroom door while I was in there trying to decide if I was going to puke or die. And he was so nice in the morning when he took me back to my car.
I guess the whole JW thing has me confused. Are there different degrees of JW'ism, that makes this kind of thing OK with him? Does he secretly think I'm some kind of jezebel or something? (But, then, what would that make him??) No matter what, he is the kind of guy I would like as a friend. Like I said, he is so soft-spoken, and such a hard worker and loyal father. He truly seems like a good person.
What do you make of this? (BTW, I am a very liberated, professional woman with an excellent job--I am not attracted to any of his material things, so that's not any part of this).
Thank you,
Jellybean
PS Since the July incident, I've been doing some reading on JW. Now I found out oral sex is frowned upon. Um, I did that--now, does he think I'm a pervert??
