Confrontation is hard and change is hard. If GTTM engages his wife about their current situation (the confrontation part) and requires changes (change #1 possibly good changes) to be made then he runs the risk of her requiring a change - divorce or separation (change #2 possibly bad changes).
I sometimes fall into the trap of: let's let sleeping dogs lie for awhile then maybe things will get better. I think that's called passive-aggressive (because I complain or mumble) or avoidant behavior (because I try to completely ignore the problem no matter how sick it makes me). (from prevention.com).
For me the problems usually don't get better, but I never learn. In time I have to do the uncomfortable thing and have a confrontation. Not a fight or arugment but at least a discussion.
GTTM I can't tell you how bad I feel about your circumstances. You don't have any really easy choices in front of you. But, above all, please take care of yourself and your kids. I don't know if they are dubs or not but either way they need your love and support.