Lana, you seem very kind hearted and sincere in your beliefs and I like that you are posting here because I enjoy your perspective, but, aren't you concerned that you may see or read something that you can't undo in your mind?
Is there anything that you've always wanted to ask an apostate or a doctrine that you just couldn't believe that an apostate doesn't get? If so, now's your chance to ask and get a ton of different answers. Be aware though that many here have frustration and anger and their replies may reflect that. If so, start a new thread or two and I'm sure lots of people will respond.