bonnie38

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Posts by bonnie38

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  16

  New Girl on the Block

  by PhoenixFyre in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  just introducing myself as the new girl on the block!

  i am new to this forum and wanted to say hello.

  i am 23 years old and currently living in atlanta georgia.

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  bonnie38

  Hello,
  I'm new also. But I've already discovered that this is a pretty nice place to visit.
  Bonnie
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  13

  Post -Cult After Effects

  by Seven in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  i have been reading alot of margaret lately-thought i'd share this.. seven.

  post-cult after effects .

  psychological manipulation, cult groups, sects, and new religious movements .

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  bonnie38

  SevenofNine,
  I read this again today. It is a relief to know why I still feel confused & torn after such a long time.
  Bonnie
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  13

  new

  by bonnie38 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been browsing this site for a short time, and i have found it very inteteresting.

  my personal story is lengthy, so i will not bore you with it at this time.

  this is my dilemma: i was disfellowshipped four years ago.

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  bonnie38

  Outnfree,
  Thank you for your thoughts. It's the "being happy" part that I have not been able to achieve. Some times I think that, even though I am a better person now than I was previously, I will receive eternal destruction because I am not part of the "true religion." And then I remind myself that when I was "in the truth," I was very unhappy, I felt that I was worthless, and I was unable to uphold ther code of conduct. I guess I really am confused (or maybe I'm just losing my mind). I read motivational books & listen to motivational tapes. I make a conscious effort to do good things for others. I try to be a good mother(I am a single parent). I give 110% on my job every day. I set goals for myself and achieve them (sometimes after a struggle). So I don't understand why happiness is so elusive. It's not that I have no enjoyment in life, because I do. It's just that at the end of the day, down deep inside I still feel like a worthless person.
  Bonnie
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  17

  Emotional Stages of Leaving the WT

  by larc in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  since there is a lot of emotion expressed on this discussion forum, i wanted to present a conceptual framework that might be useful.

  elizabeth kiebler-ross studied the emotional state of those facing a terminal illness.

  she concluded that those suffering this fate went through five stages: 1. denial (this can't true; i want a second opinion,etc.),.

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  bonnie38

  I do think this framework is valid. I think many people bounce back and forth between stages. I'm not sure how to achieve acceptance. I try to reach that stage by trying to be the best person that I can be. When I die, if I die, I hope that I am remembered by someone who had a positive effect on other people's lives.
  Bonnie
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  25

  Kingdom Melodies Cassette No. 999999999........

  by kimberly in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  sad person that i am, i posted this yesterday, but the post seems to have self destructed....... anyway, if anyone posted to the other thread wants to re-post to this one it would be much appreciated.

  alright, this is one of those what was your favourite questions:.

  when you were a witness (or even if youre still reluctantly attached like me), did you have a favourite kingdom melody (why couldnt they just be called hymns by the way)?.

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  bonnie38

  Although I thought some of the songs were horrible, I loved to sing at the meetings. I was painfully shy and hated to comment, but I loved to sing. When I was a teenager, we used the pink songbook, and I used to play the piano at the meetings. I was disappointed when they went to cassettes.
  Bonnie
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  71

  My Identity!

  by qwerty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  that got you to read this!

  what country are you from?.

  i find it encouraging to see where different posters are from in the world, especially for me, if you are from the uk or europe.

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  bonnie38

  I live in the US, in a small town in upstate New York.
  Bonnie
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  17

  Circle of friends

  by mommy in

  1. social
  2. family

  i have a circle of friends.

  the kind of friends you can pop in whenever you are in the area, without a phone call first.

  the kind of friends i would allow to enter my house if i wasnt home, to borrow sugar, flour, toilet paper, etc, if they needed it.. we are a close knit group and watch out for each other.

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  bonnie38

  Wendy,
  I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you, and I hope everything goes your way.
  Bonnie
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  13

  new

  by bonnie38 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been browsing this site for a short time, and i have found it very inteteresting.

  my personal story is lengthy, so i will not bore you with it at this time.

  this is my dilemma: i was disfellowshipped four years ago.

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  bonnie38

  Sevenofnine,
  Thank you for the suggestion. It was helpful.
  Bonnie
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  13

  Facing JW-philosophy demons

  by emyrose in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  although i left jw's 7yrs ago.

  i am now really starting to suffer emotionally and i .

  think psychologically too.

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  bonnie38

  Emyrose,
  My advice is to seek professional help. You sound as thpough you may be depressed or perhaps you have an anxiety disorder. Your primary care physician could probably help by either prescribing medication and/or referring you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have a long family history of mental illness and have been treated for depression myself. If you are suffering from a mood disorder, you can deal with it much easier when you have professional help than when you try to deal with it yourself.
  Bonnie
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  13

  new

  by bonnie38 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been browsing this site for a short time, and i have found it very inteteresting.

  my personal story is lengthy, so i will not bore you with it at this time.

  this is my dilemma: i was disfellowshipped four years ago.

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  bonnie38

  I have been browsing this site for a short time, and I have found it very inteteresting. My personal story is lengthy, so I will not bore you with it at this time. This is my dilemma: I was disfellowshipped four years ago. At the time, I did not want to be disfellowshipped. I felt that I was repentant. I voluntarily confessed my wrongdoing; no one would ever have known what I had done if I had not told the elders myself. I did not want to be a bad person. I wanted to be good. But in the end I was disfellowshipped. Since then, several times a month I dream about getting reinstated. I have had no contact with Jehovah's witnesses in 4 years. This year I went to the Memorial. I felt very overwhelmed. I guess I'm confused. I dream about getting reinstated when I am asleep, but when I am awake, I think,"Why would you want to associate with such nasty people?"
  I believe basic Bible teachings taught by Jehovah's Witnesses. But I'm not sure what to do. I think that I am a better person than I was before getting disfellowshipped. I was extremely depressed, to the point of wishing that I was dead, when I was one of Jehovah's witnesses. This depression has since resolved. I am happier. I have better friends. I have developed skills to cope with the ups & downs of life. Yet several times a month, when I am asleep, I still dream about getting reinstated. This bothers me.
  I hope someone on this site has some ideas that could help me.