Coaster, if your not gone for good, I noticed the "later"...
It looks as if your pretty torn up today. Perhaps just stepping away from the JWs for a bit would be good. So I am what might be labeled an 'apostate'? So what? I think if something messes with your head so bad it has you thinking in a PTSD jumbled pattern such as your typing and believe me, I have been there...you need a rest. Time to center yourself and just rest. Do not dwell on negative and perhaps get some antidepression meds. Has your psych addressed this aspect while you work through therapy? It is not always easy to pull out of this alone. First you have to be able to pull your mind into a place where it can even "handle" what it is being put through. I am not talking about knocking yourself stupid, But at the moment, you do not seem to be connecting your thoughts and that puts you in a really dangerous and hard place to be. Rash decisions are made at this point and depression can set in. You know?
I am just worried about you and don't want to see you hurting or hurt.
A lot of us have been right where you are with the emotions and each handles it different. So perhaps maybe even continuing to vent is good. But please don't internalize it. I read back on some of your post and it seems like that is what you have been doing as you put it, for the last 16 years. This causes one to loose it a little. Ok, a lot. We love crazy here, but preferably in a non toxic nor harmful manner. I hope we hear from you some more and that you continue to get some help. It sounds like you are trying so hard to figure this all out and this whole mess we have been fed and taught and lived as a JW IS really WACKED. It does take a lot to straighten it out, but it can be done and it feels so good when you get on the other side of it. You can do it!! We will be here for you. You may not like what we all have to say, but we are here.
You know?
