please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
You mentioned help with presentations if female. I?ve been out a long time, so correct me if I?m wrong?don?t women still do presentations? If so, a husband could still help a wife w/presentations.
Yes the idea is it would be great for a Christian husband to help their jw wife work on their presentation. Give ideas, help her practice it.
please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
Thanks all for your input.
As the summary states, it is only a summary. The concepts it is describing such as "cult identity" vs "authentic identity" are described in Steven Hassan's book, Releasing the Bonds. This book is the manual or template I am using and implementing. Building trust with the cult member is probably the most important step in the process. This is what any person using Hassan's book to help a jw leave, will have to do. I am trying to save any such people in my situation some time. I am an engineer. We always document our processes. And hopefully I can find some friends who will figure out some of the other things we need to do to save me some time!
I would like to post this on a web site dedicated to ubm's (unbelieving mates) or anyone else trying to help a loved one leave using Hassan's method. I intend to post this summary as well as future ones. I was careful not to go into great detail as if to plagiarize his work. I want him to help us, not be mad at us for ripping him off or messing up his ideas by giving bad advice!
This summary is meant to only deal with this trust building step. This is not meant to be a comprehinsive how-to for helping someone leave. To discuss any other aspects of helping a person leave would be outside the scope. Maybe I will add some info that makes that more clear.
please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
Isn't anyone going to complain about something!?
Come on I want to fight!
can anyone suggest alternative activities that are group oriented that are allowed by jws and not considered "worldy"?
i am not sure where the line is in regards to right or worng here, if there is a line.
i am trying to get my friend into a group function other than the jws.
How about charity work. Dubs don't do charity. It would shine a little light on one of their glaring shortcomings.
i just wish to know does the wts have a deliberate policy of splitting married couples if one of the spouses leaves the org even if adultery is not involved?
do they at least indirectly encourage this to happen?
and if yes is this a fairly recent policy?
It would probably be wise for a person who wants to leave the org to attempt to loosen the hold it has on their spouse BEFORE making the step of leaving the org.
Take it slow. Try to leave together.
please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
I have been talking to another UBM. We have talked about setting up a website dedicated to helping people who are trying to help loved ones escape the jw.
This is simply one summary to complement Hassan's book. If you have read it, it is very general. We are trying to take his concepts and tailor it to the JW.
So to answer your question, yes, the purpose of this is to have it made available on the web. It will be updated whenever it seems necessary.
please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
This was written in word. I guess some of the formatting didn't transfer. Try to focus on the content.
please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever.
all input is welcome.. .
building trust and rapport with the jehovah?s witness cult identity .
Please give me any input, comments, typos, criticisms, whatever. All input is welcome.
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Building Trust and Rapport With the Jehovah?s Witness Cult Identity
By an Unbelieving Mate
The purpose of this summary is to assist a family member in building trust with a member of the Jehovah?s Witness religion. The methods used are adapted from the book, Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan. This book describes how a person goes about helping a loved one leave a cult. The book is excellent, and for many it can be an invaluable resource of hope and practical action. The book is highly recommended by this author.
One of the most important aspects of freeing a loved one from a cult is to build trust with the cult identity. As Hassan explains, anyone who has a loved one in a cult will find that when they try to speak to them, it is as if "they are a different person". That is because the cult imposes a new identity on top of the person?s authentic identity. Since a person trying to free a loved one will encounter the cult identity, it is important to gain the trust of that identity.
This summary attempts to identify some of the best known ways to build trust with a member of the Jehovah?s Witnesses. It is intended as a supplement to the above mentioned book, and assumes that the reader has fully familiarized themselves with it?s concepts. It is in no way a replacement for reading Releasing The Bonds, since so many of the concepts are presumed. This summary assumes the reader has little or no knowledge of the Jehovah?s Witnesses.
The author is not a professional counselor, only a person with a loved one in the JW religion
. Former witnesses and people who have loved ones in the JW religion have reviewed and commented on this summary.Often in given situations it is best not to communicate with the JW identity. It is important therefore to know what things will trigger the JW identity.
3. Loaded Language
(more to be added)
http://jehovah.to/glos/index.html
http://www.jwfiles.com/jw-words.htm
4. Identifying JW Identity
JWs are trained extensively in the finer points of proselytizing their faith. Once a week they participate in or attend a Kingdom Ministry school. In that school they publicly read assigned scriptures, and act out specific and common scenarios that come up in the "preaching work". Certain aspects of communication are focused on to improve the individual JWs communication skills.- Identifiable traits of JW identity
Since people tend to perform as they practice, the JW identity will likely take on speech and gestures practiced in Kingdom ministry school. The JW identity will enunciate and speak properly. JW identity will use the loaded language. JW identity will talk loudly.- KINGDOM MINISTRY CHECKLIST ? To be added
5. Undoing the damage - Fortunately they are very predictable
If you have a pulse it is likely you have been frustrated and lost your temper when communicating with a JW. You can?t undo the past. However you can start anew to build up the trust with the cult identity.
This is the most difficult situation. Your only recourse in this situation is to present yourself as desiring to return to good standing, and use the defense and offense sections below.
6. Defense
It is critical, particularly if you live in the same household of a JW or are married to a JW, to protect yourself from the above attitude. JWs are people, and just like any of us they are susceptible to human pride. Since they have the truth, it is very easy for them to presume that something is wrong with you since you don't "see it". If left unchecked, this condescending attitude will come to the point where you have no credibility in their eyes.- Your Faith - The best armor
One of the best protections you can have against the "something is wrong with you" attitude is if you have a strong faith of your own. Even if they disagree with your decision "at this time" to not be a JW, they will respect you much more if you share their fundamental premises of belief in "Jehovah", belief in the "ransom sacrifice" provided by Christ, and belief in the absolute infallible truth of the scriptures. It is a powerful example to show that it is possible to be a Christian, outside of their organization, that is every bit as conscientious as the JWs.- What if you don't believe in God?
Even if you don't believe in God you will probably concede the need to have a system of ethics. Most of the Bible is simply made of practical advice. If you don't think this wisdom came from God, you still should develop, and be able to articulate the reasons why you believe what you do. Find areas of morality where you will agree with the JWs. Suggested reading would include Plato, Ayn Rand, and any books on practical morality.- Never cede to them the moral high ground
By definition, JWs attempt to occupy the moral high ground. It is important that you never allow them to do this without putting up some sort of defense. As a rule, whatever concept they try to employ in defining their moral superiority, can be turned around on them. If you do not allow them to imagine how morally superior they are to you, it forces them to respect you. Below are a few common examples.
- "You have questionable motives behind your decision not to be a JW." This is a common attitude, and it can be easily turned around on them by saying, "I could say that you only believe in the JWs because you want to, not because it is true. Maybe we should make a deal. Let's promise not to make unfair presumptions about why we believe things."
- JWs are convinced they have the truth and by not agreeing with them you are risking your chance of immortal life. If you don't want to join because you "are not sure the JWs are the right religion", the JW will likely adopt an attitude that you should join because "even if you aren't sure it is better to be safe". This can be easily be turned around by pointing out that maybe there is some risk to joining the JW? This thought has likely never occurred to them. "If JWs are not Jehovah's org, then what would that mean? Would that not mean that they were presuming to speak for Jehovah when they claim to be His organization? Wouldn't that be blasphemous? I want to be sure that JWs are who they claim to be so I don't risk participating in blasphemy."
People need their thoughts and actions to be consistent. You can straight up ask your JW loved one and their JW friends*, "Do you think the reason I don?t want to join is because I am prideful? Or because I am lazy? Or because my faith in Jehovah is weak?" By asking this you put them on the spot. Decorum will require that they say "no". By saying no, you force them to perform an act with which their thoughts then need to become consistent. Ask this type of question whenever you can.
*The opinion of your loved ones JW friends are important because they spend a great deal of time talking about you with your loved one.
7. Offense
No JW can resist the opportunity to bring a loved one into the fold. On the other hand, if you are completely closed off to the idea of joining then you are a bad, worldly association, risk to their spirituality, and therefore to be avoided. The bottom line is you cannot build up trust with the cult identity if you cannot speak to your loved one.
No matter how negatively you feel about the JW religion, you have to admit that there are positive aspects to it. To be effective, a lie must posses a great deal of truth. This is true of the JWs as well. Find out the things you agree with, and talk about them.
The infallibility of the scriptures is one of the JWs fundamental premises. If you read from the Bible, you have their attention. They may not agree with your interpretation, so it is a good idea to only read those scriptures you will likely agree on.
Nothing makes a JW light up more than letting them know you read and enjoyed their literature. You don't have to read it all. Just scan it, pick out a part you liked, and mention it. They will be elated!
This one is just like 7.4. You can repair almost limitless damage, without a word, just by performing this simple act. It is a required step for those who wish to be re-instated. To a JW, going to meetings is one of the most important acts a person can perform. If you go to a meeting you are "taking in accurate knowledge", and that is what leads to eternal life.
This carries more weight than 7.5. It means you are willing to not only "take in accurate knowledge", but you want to discuss it! The nice thing about 7.5 and 7.6 is they are things you can then take away if you are mistreated. This can be a carrot and a stick.
This one is important because you are assisting the JW to be a better JW. Also if you provide ideas, especially scripturally based ideas, you show that you don?t have to be a JW to know something about the Bible or witnessing.
A great way to get your loved one to discuss their religion without arousing any suspicion is to ask questions, and then ask them if you count as service time. The answer is yes, so this provides them with an extra incentive to speak with you. They get their hours without having to get all dressed up and put themselves in awkward social positions! If you word it right you can make them grateful to you for helping them get service time in.
The bottom line is that your loved one is a JW because they want to serve the Lord in the right way, and they want to do the right thing. Even if you have "questions or disagreements" about some of the doctrines, you have to acknowledge that fact as often as possible.
imagine trying to prove to someone that firmly believes in leprechauns that they simply don't exist.
where do you start?
an excellent saying i have heard is "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
Even if you could prove it, why would it matter beyond convincing yourself. No dub will sit, listen to your "proof", and be convinced. It is an important question, but it is irrelevant to a dub.
A doubting dub is an entirely different matter!
imagine trying to prove to someone that firmly believes in leprechauns that they simply don't exist.
where do you start?
an excellent saying i have heard is "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
MJ,
It is simply not possible to prove something true/false to somebody if they don't want to believe it is true/false.
I know you already knew that. I only replied for the benefit of others.
