Posts by Check_Your

It might have been in HPD, but I know for a fact it was in OJW. That is one of my favorite movies. The scene is with the bounty hunter who walks in the bar in Texas. He just brought in a case of whiskey that he got from the Comancheros he killed.

Anyway, the guy walks in,

"I'm looking for Josey Wales"

"You a bounty hunter"

"Man's got to make a living"

"Dyin aint much of a livin boy"

Guy leaves...

comes back...

"I had to come back"

"I know"

dyin really wasn't much of a livin

79

Movie Qoutes

by DigitalFokus in

jw
friends

one at a time.

guess the qoute above you and give one for the next person.

"nobody makes me bleed my own blood, nobody!

Check_Your_Premises

"Dieing ain't much of a livin boy"

Josey Wales

"What kind of a woman are you! If it was my man, I would get a gun"

"Why don't you?"

"He is not my man"

23

New forum member, have wife with a jw background

by insearchoftruth in

jw
friends

hello, i have been a member of the discussion group for only a couple of weeks and have never taken the time to introduce myself.

i have posted a few threads which have been very helpful already and have had a few conversations with members of the group that have provided me support and insights that i did not already have and that i shall need.

now for my story.

Check_Your_Premises

Sorry I keep thinking of stuff... JGnat and I always talk about how we need to get all this stuff in one place.

Be REALLY humble. If you HAVE to contradict her beliefs or point out some bad BEHAVIOR in a jw, get into this persona where you just hate to do it. You are apologetic about it.

HUMBLE!!!

23

New forum member, have wife with a jw background

by insearchoftruth in

jw
friends

hello, i have been a member of the discussion group for only a couple of weeks and have never taken the time to introduce myself.

i have posted a few threads which have been very helpful already and have had a few conversations with members of the group that have provided me support and insights that i did not already have and that i shall need.

now for my story.

Check_Your_Premises

If I were to study with her and the 'sister', I am not sound enough in my knowledge of scripture to be able to defend my beliefs, and I know that the dub will be loaded with the answers and questions to make me look unknowledgeable in front of my wife and I am concerned that this will maybe lead her to possibly think that the dubs are the true religion.

Like JGnat said, don't be intimidated by the JW doctrine. They know about 100 verses REALLY well... but get them away from their canned responses, or publications and they are absolutely lost. It is very polished, but it is very superficial.

You also need to establish some defense for yourself. If a person beleives something is true, and another person doesn't, they have two choices. They can consider that they might be wrong (impossible for a jw), or they can assume the other person is wrong. If the other person is certainly wrong they are either ignorant (don't know the truth) or they are evil (they don't want to know the truth). Your best position is ignorance!!!

some threads on trust, defense, strategies I posted....

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/87495/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/88762/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/93091/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/95866/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/97144/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/101844/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/105174/1.ashx

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/107832/1.ashx

But don't even try to get into the Bible or doctrine. You will need to eventually, because it sounds like you are a Christian and you are going to be given a lot of grief over your beliefs. Don't put up with it. If you can't give a good explanation or refutation, just say, "I need time to think about that, Jw's have come up with these arguements over 100 years. I am hearing them only for the first time." And don't be afraid to say, "I am not convinced that is true." That is a safe place. You aren't agreeing, which is important to make clear... on the other hand you are not disagreeing. THe problem is that position is temporary and sounds weak. Eventually you will need to be able to articulate a defense of your faith when pressed. There are books for that when the time is right.

Right now be less concerned with the "what" of faith. Be more concerned with the "how". Because if your "how" is sound then you will end up with the most accurate "what". The Jw's don't have a very good "how". That is why I told you to get that book by Brian McLaren. It will really put some powerful words and ideas in your hands.

But even more important than matters of faith are the "why" your wife needs to believe in the jw's. That is the key. Find that out, and then develop strategies that will allow you to slowly fulfill that need.

You need to think strategically here. You need to figure out what you think the situation is, and act accordingly. You also need to come up with contingencies in case the situation is more serious than you thought. I am most curious about your wife's certainty that the jw are the truth. You might have this small problem that you can easily nip in the bud. Asking alot of questions is the best medicine right now. Once you now how serious she is, we can help you plan some long term strategies.

A common rookie mistake is to think there is one thing, a knockout punch, that will make this all go away. You almost have to learn this the hard way. This problem is solved slowly overetime by creating constant conditions and environment that makes it more difficult for your wife to live in her supsended reality. Hopefully this is not a serious case, and we can wrap this up in short order. But be ready for the long haul.... years even.

The haunting question for every ubm (especially if they have no kids) is how long do I stay in this before I get on with my life leaving my spouse to their self-imprisonment. You can only answer that for yourself. You do probably have an obligation here. You can't just let some abusive person bowl over your wife. That is probably the best analogy to work from; an abusive partner.

And finally realize that this is completely out of your hands. You can make for ripe conditions for your spouse to free herself from the mind control haze... but it is ultimately her decision. That is the reality and desperation of the ubm life. You will see glimmers of hope and moments of despair. One day they seem ready to exit. The next day they just can't be more "spiritual". You have to learn to ride out the emotional roller coaster.

Ok, I think you have a good summary of everything I have learned in the last year as a ubm and my thoughts as to how to apply it to your situation. Get some more info on your situation, and ask alot of questions. CYP

And get those books!!! Especially the ones about cults!!! That is the most important knowledge you need to be taking in right now!!!

CYP

31

So who thinks Brooke is beautiful?

by stillajwexelder in

.

so who thinks brooke is beautiful?.

i do - and of course richie rich is president of the fan club - anybody else?

Check_Your_Premises

Well if you have only seen her pictures you have no idea.

I have met her in person. She is absolutely lovely.

You look at her sweet face, and then to your surprise she opens her mouth something you thought only a sailor could say comes out!!! Especially if the Bears are getting their arse kicked in the playoffs!!!

And just to make you all jealous, she gave me a big, alcohol induced hug goodbye when we all left.

CYP

23

New forum member, have wife with a jw background

by insearchoftruth in

jw
friends

hello, i have been a member of the discussion group for only a couple of weeks and have never taken the time to introduce myself.

i have posted a few threads which have been very helpful already and have had a few conversations with members of the group that have provided me support and insights that i did not already have and that i shall need.

now for my story.

Check_Your_Premises

Ain't that the truth, C_Y_P. I think you just wrote the introduction to my coming book. If you don't mind

Mi casa es su casa,

Mis palabras son sus palabras

Of course I don't mind! Anything for JGnat.

One more piece of advice. Listen to JGnat. I have dubbed her (much to her chagrin) the faithful and discreet slave of the ubm (unbelieving mate). She is also chairman of the ubm welcoming comittee.

CYP

23

New forum member, have wife with a jw background

by insearchoftruth in

jw
friends

hello, i have been a member of the discussion group for only a couple of weeks and have never taken the time to introduce myself.

i have posted a few threads which have been very helpful already and have had a few conversations with members of the group that have provided me support and insights that i did not already have and that i shall need.

now for my story.

Check_Your_Premises

Another one that popped into my head; Don't underestimate the power of mind control!!!

You just can't beleive it until you see it for your own eyes. This person who you thought was so smart and remarkeable will look you dead in the eye and tell you the sky is green and the grass is blue... with an attitude!!!

If you read those books above, you will have a better understanding of mind control. It sounds real sexy or spooky but it is really not that complicated. There are just subtle mind games that compliance professionals like the jw use... BECAUSE THEY WORK REALLY WELL!!!

Mind control is simply an altered perspective. For instance if I control the information you see by getting you to buy into the idea that I am representing the one true religion, think what I have done. I have gotten you to look ONLY at the facts or arguments that support my view, and to AVOID any facts or arguments that refute my view (they are from SATAN!!!) I have just limited your sense of reality.

Now let's say I surround you with all sorts of people that agree with the above perspective (hours in meetings, reading magazines, hanging out with other dubs). And to really juice it up, how about I try to limit the amount of time you have with people who don't agree. (holidays forbidden, to busy going to all the meetings to see anyone else, tell you worldly people are BAD!!!) How often are you going to be exposed with different thinking?

Now you have to go around knocking on peoples doors telling them all this stuff!!! If you go to all that trouble, and let all these people see you doing something so difficult, how likely are you to just say "it was all for nothing, I don't beleive it!" No, if you are going to do all that, you would never want to admit you were wrong and made a fool out of yourself.

Those are just a few. But these are some of the elements of control used by the jw. So if your wife starts going through the whole indoctrination process, don't be surprised when she tells you the sky is green and the grass is blue.

Moral of the story: You aren't going to simply be able to reason with her, and have her see it isn't true.

CYP

Check_Your_Premises

Posts by Check_Your_Premises