Well last night went about as badly as it could. I told her, as she already knew, that I was very concerned. I had a lot of doubts about this org, I had a lot of doubts about how her joining would effect our marriage, and the fact was, as long as I had doubts, I didn't want her to join. She said no. Then I pointed out that I wasn't being unreasonable here. The fact that she wouldn't even consider told me already, that despite her denials, this commitment was already more important to her than the one she made to me. She said no. Then I pointed out that I didn't feel out of line either because as she already told me, she decided "this was the right religion" before she married me over 3 years ago. No. I told her that the fact that she couldn't even put this off six months to give me time to figure things out, "maybe that tells me all I need to know, maybe I don't need to study anymore." No Then started to lose it. I pulled out liftons criteria, and told her that the striking similarities bothered me. She saw no similarity. I got even more upset. I never yelled but it all went down hill from there. I said a lot of things I should not have said, and I just couldn't help it. I am really pissed off, and I just couldn't hold back anymore. So I don't know what to do know. I guess I feel like I need to get a handle on what is going to happen once she is baptized. I am going to tell my elder friend that I really don't feel like studying much right now. The fact that there is no compromise here, and she doesn't really care about my concerns tells me all I need to know. I will tell him that her refusal to even put this off for six months confirms my worst fears about what she is getting into. I will want to start a study again, basically because if I am not going to be a part of this, I have to be able to explain why. I guess I made the mistake of getting my hopes up, that there was a chance some part of her mind was still hers. That dashed hope, simply got the better of me. Sorry I don't have a happy ending for you.
Check_Your_Premises
JoinedPosts by Check_Your_Premises
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Last update of the weekend.
I haven't talked to her about postponing the baptism, but I will tomorrow evening. I have a funny feeling she will put it off for 6 months. I don't know why, I just do.
I also got a copy of the "Finished Mystery" on ebay. That should really be a scream. My plan is to say, "ok, if Jesus chose this org, and He did it when He got here in 1914, then He had to choose the org based on what they were teaching then. And here it is!"
This will all be framed as legitimate questions that I have before I could join. That is true of course.
I also have decided to knock off all the sneaking around. I am no good at it and my wife is on to me. I am really going to be more open about things now, when I feel I can of course.
The bottom line is I have doubts and questions that need to be answered before I can join. That is true of course. Like I said, if someone makes some wine, or walks on water, I am all ears. What she doesn't appreciate is the extent to which I am convinced this is a cult, and thus I must to act accordingly.
Take care all. I will let you know how the baptism question goes. I guess at that point it will be time to start a new thread.
Here is to hoping it is titled, "she postponed it, now what?!?!"
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Saturday Updates.
Well the elders came by today. I executed my plan. It didn't go entirely as expected, but no plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
It was my wife, two elders and me. THis is what I said.
First I went into great detail how I seriously I am taking my study. I also made a very truly heartfelt and personal explanation as to how important it is for me to serve God truly.
So I asked them how they will view me if I choose that this religion isn't right. I asked them personally if they think there is any legitimate way for me to conclude the religion is incorrect.
They were pretty dumbfounded by that.
Next I explained how I see the org as a threat to my family. They assured me very strongly that I was the head of my family and they were not going to interfere.
Then I explained that my wife doesn't seem to care how I feel anymore, regarding the org. We have always been very good at finding compromises, but now I feel that her need to keep unity with them means my compromises with her will have to include the.
So that is why I am talking to them. The bottom line is if I don't beleive in the org, I don't want her to join. I know that is not completely realistic. "SO what is the compromise?!"
Well they told me that was between she and I.
I didn't expect this, but it gave me something. I figure if I can get her to delay, they will lean on her, but I will be sure to thank them for respecting our decision. If they do lean on her I will say "I thought you guys weren't going to interfere in my family, this really is making me more concerned about my wife joining, as well as myself. It sure is hard to feel good about this org with all the pressure I am getting!"
Now I have to get my wife to postpone. In return I will agree to go to all the meetings.
Thoughts, comments?
Thank you all so much for all your advice. There are so many invaluable ideas I simply would not have come up with on my own. God bless you all!
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Oh yeah, one other thing guys.
My father is a lawyer. I don't pay legal fees. He knows all the judges and most of the attorneys in my county.
So if we are talking legal action and preperation, give me some details. How could I sue members of the congregation? On what grounds? The divorce and blood stuff makes sense to me, I understand what I need to do there legally.
Thanks again.
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
I really do appreciate all your concerns and advice. I appreciate all those who have helped me realize the scope of my problem.
But let me make one thing clear. I am not divorcing my wife. I have children with her. I grew up in a broken home and my life since then has been trying to undo the damage of that experience.
Marriage is a contract. It is like a business contract in that sense. You go into a contract hoping to make money. It doesn't always happen but the contract protects everyone. I went into this contract hoping to find love and happiness. It might not happen, but I just want to make sure everyone is protected.
My concern is if she chooses to divorce me or leave me? I swore "in sickness and in health", this is admittedly pretty sick.
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Well I did basically outline my short term strategy, and out myself as an opposer. I figure if they did monitor this site, they could call the congregations from where I identified myself, and give them a heads up that a young opposer is planning on delaying his wife's baptism and he is going to give you a line of bs.
yeah paranoid, but I did remove my data.
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Ok, now you all have me really paranoid. How do I know that the organization isn't monitoring this site?! How do I know they haven't taken my previously displayed personal information and used it to try to find out who this "opposer" is trying to keep his wife from getting baptized?
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
How can they reprint a copyrighted book? How do I know it is not altered in some way?
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
Good stuff Tickled, thanks!
-
111
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises inmy wife is getting baptized on the 19th.. i wrote her a letter today.
basically i asked her why she isn't coming to me to find out my concerns.
i am the person who has the most invested in her.
-
-
Check_Your_Premises
I can't tell you how much it means to me to have your thoughts, prayers and suggestions. It means so much to me.
On Freaking out:
I have freaked out a little, but I am better now. I do beleive in God and I pray for him to help me. I know I have sinned in that I have not looked out sufficiently for my family. But I have repented, and He will help me.
On my current plans:
I have asked my wife on many occasions to pray to God to make her a lover of truth. If this is not the true religion to make it known to her so there can be no doubt. And likewise if it is, continue to make it known to her so there can be no doubt. When I asked her to do this it was like showing dracula the cross! But I have invoked my headship, and what I am asking is clearly scriptural, for we are supposed to keep "testing ourselves to know we are in the faith".
On the org, I have asked a couple of elders to come by. I am going to negotiate for her to put of baptism for six months. I am interested in their religion, but I have many serious questions. My wife is joining a religion, I have serious questions about, and since I am undecided I have to assume the worst. I am concerned about what effect it will have on my family, and I don't want her to get baptized (my irrational original position for negotiating purposes). The fact that I feel like I don't have control of my family means that I am starting to not feel very good about the religion (risk for them, I am still a prospect they don't want to lose!). Hopefully they will recommend, otherwise I will, that she wait for 6 months. If they give in on this, I will have to give in on something. I am willing to go to ALL the meetings until I "make up my mind".
(Actually, unlike them I am still open minded. I only love truth, not a particular doctrine. If a bush burns, some stones cry out, someone makes some wine, or hell, I would even listen to some reasoning that isn't their standard talking points I have heard a billion times already... if any of that happend I would be all ears! )
Any thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated!