Check_Your_Premises

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Posts by Check_Your_Premises

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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  I made it easy for her to be a Witness for years. There wasn't any cost to her for doing it. When it came to loosing her home and her meal ticket, Witnessism wasn't so important any more.

  I think about the nuclear option sometimes. I know I make it to easy for her. She doesn't work. I did that before she was a witness so our kids wouldn't be in daycare. I do think how I sure make it easy to be a witness. What would she do if I pulled some rugs out from under her.

  That is a big gamble though; It's a double edged sword.

  The flip side is that persecution and endurance for the sake of the borg will make her more committed to the borg, and could wreck our marriage.

  I will save that one for a later date.

  CYP
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  48

  3 hour tour - my sd interrogation.

  by wordlywife in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my poor step-daughter went through what is called a jc meeting, 3 hours worth.

  they have given her a week to decide before they df her.

  she is only 18. gads.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Hey worldy. I haven't talked to you before. I read your story briefly.

  It sounds like you have an opportunity with your jw man. He made a huge sacrifice to his status as a dub to marry you. You must be quite a woman! He got reinstated because he still has JW-itis. He know is under pressure again because his little girl is df.

  I think you have a person who might be open to consideration that this might not be God's organization.

  Have you talked to him to ask him if he has any doubts in that regard? He will likely say he has NO doubts. Ask him if he ever has had doubts and why.

  If you smell any hesitation, you have an opportunity that you shouldn't let pass.

  As Jgnat said, he is one life shaking experience to becoming fully immersed again.

  Do you have Steven Hassans' book, Releasing the Bonds? It is a how to get 'em out of a cult book. Another one might be to ask him if he has ever considered reading Crisis of Conscience.

  Just some ideas. I think it is in your best interest to help him leave. Despite your obvious womanly wiles, he will always be married to someone else until he does leave. I don't think that is what you want out of life is it?
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Thanks K!!!

  I think about you all the time. Whenever I get down or think I have it bad, I think of the lonely decades you have experienced without any support like I have found on this board.

  I hope you win the lottery or something. You deserve it!
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  144001, said it just like it is . I was told when i wrote a simular letter how satan was working on me to make him fall away from everlasting life.

  I hear you K. I am not asking her to leave. She will have to decide that on her own, with a shove and a nudge here and there .

  All I am doing is asking her to talk to me and act like she gives a damn about how I feel about this. It is an appeal to decency.

  CYP
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  The majority of the time now she acquiests (sp), and go with me.

  That is a great idea. What wife is going to let her husband go on vacation by himself!

  "Honey, I am going to Vegas"
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I think the only things that keep these abusive Witness marriages going is denial. I been there and done it. I’d never do one more day with a Witness spouse.

  Oh I hear you Gary. I have an extremely low tolerance for b.s. and I absolutely refuse in almost every instance to encourage or subsidize irrational behavior.

  So why do I do it? Why am I here trying to figure all this stupid, delusional b.s.?

  Well I have kids. If I don't try to help her leave, and I leave her, what good will that do them?

  And I did make a vow to this woman. I guess I learned not to take it personal. It is like alcoholism or something. She needs my help. What kind of friend would I be if I just let these jack-asses have her without a fight. How could I look myself in the mirror.

  I know at some point you have to live for yourself. It isn't that day yet.

  CYP
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Defd,

  I had a question since you happened to be here.

  Doesn't it bother you that the org has so little advice for ubms, or their jw spouses? I mean seriously. Just like J said, all they are told is to be patient and undererstanding. All they told me was, "don't worry, it is not what you think?" and, "hey you could join to!!!".

  I think it would have been nice for someone to tell my wife that she needs to really talk to me and try to understand how this is affecting me. Or tell her that she shouldn't let the fact that I am not a witness cause her to assume I am a bad person. It would have been nice for someone to tell me that it is common for a ubm to feel that their spouse is marrying someone else, and that those feelings can build to the point where it can threaten our marriage if I don't talk about it with my wife.

  They don't want to say that those things because it points out just how unloving the org can be. The fact of the matter is that those situations arise often, and do destroy marriages.

  It just seems that the one and only visible organization of the all knowing God would be more sensetive and have more advice to those marriages that are under so much stress?
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

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  2. 
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Can I have your letter and just address it to my husband

  Carla,

  Feel free. That is one of the reasons I posted it. First I wanted Jgnat's opinion, and Blondie's if she happened upon it. Secondly I wanted womanly opinions in general. Usually my message get's lost in the feelings it invokes. I needed some utereuses to give it a look for me.

  Thirdly, I figured just about every ubm is dealing with this issue. I don't post most of my day to day stuff much anymore, but I figured it would come in handy for some.

  Please use it!!! Let me know how it is received.

  CYP
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I'd think some one-on-one times, just the two of you, maybe dinner dates on Wednesdays, might help. I think you need some scheduled time to connect.

  Wednesday is meeting night. See J, by the time the kids and the meetings get first crack, there really isn't much time for us to talk.

  So then how much of that time do I want to spend in some heavy discussion. I spend most of that time just trying to make sure we still like eachother as much as we always have.
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  71

  Attn Unbeleiving Mates (ubm's): "I'm a dub! I'm right! Join or who cares!"

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a letter to my wife: .

  i just want to say a few things to you.

  i am writing to you since we just don't get to talk enough.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Check_Your_Premises

  I'm getting tired of having a companion constantly in "WT Salesman" mode.

  Yeah, I kind of shut her down on that some. She said she wants to ask me what I think. I told her that she doesn't really care what I think. She denied that. But I said, "You aren't asking me what I think because you think I might have something important to say. You are asking me what I think so you can try to refute it with some jw talking point. Seriously, it is not like anything I say would ever mean anything to you if it went against the jw beleifs. So that means we aren't having a conversation between two people. You are selling me something, and I am supposed to buy it. You are a teacher. I am a student. After awhile, who wants to talk to someone who doesn't care what you think?"

  She seemed to appreciate that.

  And it is a good thing for us to remember as well.