Wow, I had no idea I have created such a controversy! I'm very sorry that you all feel so strongly but I feel I need to explain some things. One of the reasons I started my newsletter is because I wanted to provide a more gentler, kinder way to communicate with people. So many people had conveyed to me that they, too, had been harshly treated on discussion forums and just wanted to find a healthy way to heal. My first few experiences on a discussion forum (not sure if it was this one or another one) were so very negative that I almost didn't come back. I was called names, insulted, and my words were twisted, even though I was trying to be respectful of others. In a word, I was judged (and it feels that way now). Unfortunately, JWs are masters of judging everyone and this is one residual trait we probably all need to work on improving. (I can relate to this because I was very cynical and negative when I first came out of the JWs. It took me years to learn to trust people, expect the best in people, and not drive away those who tried to befriend me.) Over the last year, the comments that I have received from readers of my newsletter have been extremely supportive and grateful. I know you don't all know me very well, but like Randy, I spend countless hours on the computer everyday talking to people, offering support, mailing them materials (free of charge), and arranging Meetups for ex-JWs. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent talking to people who wanted to kill themselves or who had child custody issues and needed some help or who felt extremely depressed. I would suspect that most, if not all of my critics on here have never even read my newsletter or talked to me 1:1. I assure you, my intention is honorable. It's hard to convey this though when people go on the offensive. I feel like I've encountered a lynch mob. Yet, I want you to understand that I'm not saying this to incite you further. I'm saying this because I want you to know the real me. As for why I haven't been on here much and have only recently gotten on: For the last year, I have been very, very heavily involved in getting the newsletter off the ground and emailing it out to people. Last year I spent several days of my life trying to e-mail it to people (always free of charge). The whole process became so time-consuming that I decided to set up a website so people could read the current month's issue online (free of charge). As I said before, I do offer back issues in hard copy format--just to help offset the costs of maintaining the website. (But so far only two people have purchased back issues because nearly everyone has already read it from when I sent it to them before! So that $3,000/month figure that someone threw out is really pie in the sky! Before you condemn me, why don't you take the time to get to know me? I'm sorry if I have offended anyone or violated any rules. I wasn't even aware I had but I am a fast learner. Yes, I am new to this and I'm not very internet saavy, but was hoping to become involved in more online discussions. But I don't want to be beaten up everytime I get on here. Before I type anything to anyone, I always ask myself if I could say that to them face-to-face in a loving, respectful manner. If I can't, I don't say it. That's all I ask of you. Can we start over? Brenda Lee, author, "Out of the Cocoon"
Cocoon
JoinedPosts by Cocoon
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With reference to the Cocoon thread...
by Confession infor some reason i'm unable to reply to the last few messages in a former thread.
it's clear a few people disagree with me, therefore i'm compelled to reconsider.
it seems there are at least a few issues being discussed here.
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Out of the Cocoon - New Book by Brenda Lee
by Cocoon in.
has anyone read this book yet?
what did you like/dislike?
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Cocoon
Has anyone read this book yet? What did you like/dislike?
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I don't know if this is the right place for but please someone help me out.
by rohrix infirst and foremost let me describe my situation.
i am a senior in high school.
i've had a very rough past and alot of people have wronged me in many ways.
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Cocoon
Everyone's comments are right on. One more observation I'd like to make is this (if I may be so bold): If you want to have the optimum sex life with someone you love, forget about life with a JW girl. Women in this religion are taught that sex is an obligatory function as a "good wife." Not to mention that the Watchtower dictates a married couple's sex life. Forget about oral sex, masturbation, or any type of consensual experimental activities. It will be ho hum for the rest of your life...My parents used to have sex once a month or so for 10 minutes max and I can tell you my mother didn't enjoy it. It was her "duty." They slept in separate bedrooms except for their rendezvous. There's a whole world out there for you (sex just being one aspect of it but an important aspect). Don't sell yourself short or waste your time with this girl. You're way too young and you will find someone someday who will make her pale in comparison. Brenda Lee, author of "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult" www.outofthecocoon.net
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Had a major illness disappear after leaving WT?
by by grace ini'm looking for people who have had the experience of becoming very sick with chronic pain, an auto-immune disease, or some major health problem (collitus, diabetes, etc.
) while being involved with jehovah's witnesses, who then had a complete reversal after leaving the jehovah's witnesses.. i am planning to write a book about my experience, and i'd like to get an idea of how many people out there have had a similar one.
i was diagnosed with advanced grave's disease (hyperthyroid), which is an auto-immune disease, and it amazingly "went away" shortly after i left the organization.
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Cocoon
I had an emotional disease that manifested itself physically. I bit my nails for nine years to the point where they bled and became infected on a daily basis. As soon as I left, I grew out beautiful nails and never did it again. I describe this in my book. I was like an animal that chews off its leg to free itself from a trap. That's what I was doing. It was my escape. (I only did it while at the KH or during other indoctrination.) Brenda Lee, author of "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult" www.outofthecocoon.net
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Leaving JWs Has Made Me Intolerant of Stupid Thinking - How About U?
by Seeker4 inlori (my girlfriend - a non-jw).
and i had quite a discussion last night.
i am almost always a very tolerant, easygoing person, but there is this one aspect of my personality that has caused us a certain amount of tension.
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Cocoon
Oh, I can related to this too! When I first left, I was very intolerant for the first decade (at least) and even verbally challenged all of my bosses! Everyone was an idiot, wrong, trying to screw me, etc.. I felt a tremendous amount of agitation and stress. What I failed to realize at the time was that I was growing emotionally/unsettled myself and that was why I found other people's behavior so unsettling. I was also very, very controlling because my life up to that point had been so controlled that I was grasping to get a handle on it. I've been out of the organization over 25 years now and can say that I am a completely changed person. I'm no longer controlling nor do I consider myself intolerant. I had a major breakthrough one year (probably early 30's) when all of a sudden I started seeing the good in every single person I met (even most JWs have some redeeming qualities) and stopped feeling so distrustful and opinionated about everything. I learned it was OK to allow others to have their opinion too. I was secure enough to realize that regardless of other opinions, I still had mine (and had the right to it). It takes time to heal from being a JW, but you can heal and become more at peace with who you are. It's important to become introspective and do the work on yourself, though, in order to get there. Brenda Lee, www.outofthecocoon.net
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Brenda Lee's Response to Editor Regarding Christmas -"Every Day is Special"
by Cocoon inby alice mannette/staff .
to jehovah's witnesses, every day is special.
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Cocoon
We were so poor while I was growing up that I wore my brother's (yes, brother's!) hand-me-down clothing. And he was 10 years older, so you can only imagine how old and unfashionable his clothing was. Christmas was the ONLY time of year that I ever got new clothes or perhaps a toy. I remember my dad's verbal response when mother became a JW. He was actually relieved that he didn't have to spend any more money on us kids, money he didn't have. So when we stopped celebrating X-mas, I never saw another present for the next nine years--until I celebrated Christmas again at age 18. My mother used to tell people who asked, "My daughter doesn't miss Christmas because we give gifts to each other all year long." It was a preprogrammed response and it was an absolute lie!! But now, I not only celebrate Christmas with my son but, unlike my JW mother, he truly does get Christmas gifts AND gifts year round..even if it is just a card to tell him how special he is to me. If JWs had been truthful and said to the inquiring worldly person, "You know, you're right. I don't ever give my kid anything now that I'm a JW and I know he/she's miserable, but that's our belief system," I may have never seen the hypocrisy to the extent that I did. Thank goodness they are such bad liars! Brenda Lee www.outofthecocoon.net
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Is there any hope of you coming back to Jehovah?
by LeftBehind inmy brother is a self proclaimed apostate.
i see now that there is a wide variety of posters here.
so to those that have left the witnesses what would it take to get you back?
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Cocoon
For those who are interested, my website is: www.outofthecocoon.net . It's home of the inspiring "Cocoon" ex-JW newsletter; information about my new book, Out of the Cocoon, is provided as well. - Brenda Lee
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Is there any hope of you coming back to Jehovah?
by LeftBehind inmy brother is a self proclaimed apostate.
i see now that there is a wide variety of posters here.
so to those that have left the witnesses what would it take to get you back?
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Cocoon
Never. I could never go back. I clawed my way out! I would rather die today than live an eternity as JW. I can't imagine a more horrific hell. If anyone wants to get a comprehensive picture of what the Watchtower is really like (in addition to cruising the internet), go to my website and read some of my "Cocoon" newsletters--or my book. The hypocrisy, unbearable control, emotional/sexual/physical abuse, habitual lies, blatant cruelty, "justified" child abuse (spare the rod...), are intolerable to anyone who has their eyes even partially open. If I lived on a deserted island and all I ate was pineapple everyday, I might think pineapple is the best thing ever, until I got off the island and tasted something else. The world is full of wonderful flavors that no JW has ever tasted because they are controlled by fear.
Brenda Lee, author of "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult."
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Brenda Lee's Response to Editor Regarding Christmas -"Every Day is Special"
by Cocoon inby alice mannette/staff .
to jehovah's witnesses, every day is special.
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By Alice Mannette/staff
[email protected]
To Jehovah's Witnesses, every day is special. Although a Christian religion, those who study "the truth," do not celebrate birthdays, New Year's or Christmas.
"Nobody really knows the date of Jesus' birth," said Richard Henkel, an elder with the church. "We try to keep things in harmony back in the way that Christians did through the ages. Most of the holidays come from the pagans.
Because the specific holidays are not mentioned in the Bible, people who follow the faith do not participate in holidays, Christian or secular.
"We're trying to purify our religion," Henkel explained. Because many of the holidays have been intermeshed with polytheistic observances, Jehovah's Witnesses avoid them completely. They say that they practice a strict adherence to the Bible's word. "The scriptures tell us not to mix the clean with the unclean."
For some, like Philip Kravitz, following his faith has been easy. A third generation Witness, Kravitz said that he didn't feel that he missed out by not celebrating the holidays. Because of his family's strong bonds and passion for their faith, Kravitz felt impassioned at an early age.
"If you really do appreciate the reason and the motivating force, it's easy," he said.
Kravitz, along with his wife and fellow Witness, Kelly, are raising their four children in the faith.
His step-son, Hunter McDaniel, 14, is impassioned about his religion. He, like his step-father, does not feel that he is missing out on celebrations.
"Mostly I feel sorry for the other ones because basically that's the only time they get to spend time together. We're always together," he said.
Hunter is well versed in the Bible, reading a portion of it each day. "The Bible has principles which we follow." he said.
Leteta Harris, who converted more than 30 years ago after being approached by pioneers at her front door, said that having her children remain in the faith was difficult.
"The teachers wanted to make them feel as if they were being deprived," she said. "I would tell them 'instead of picking just one day to celebrate, we can do that any day and every day.'"
Harris would give her children presents or treats when the time felt right. She would teach them Bible passages and explain how the holidays came about.
"Even in secular magazines we found that the origin of the different holidays were pagan — man-made traditions," Harris explained. Yet after her offspring's strong foundation, only one has stayed with the faith. Most rebelled in their teens or when they first left home. "Materialism has taken them. Birthday celebrations, they get a taste of it and that's it."
Kravitz, whose brother and sister fell away from the faith, said that once children hit their teens, the pressures to conform are sometimes stronger than one's faith.
"It can be challenging, especially for teenagers," he said.
Along with not celebrating holidays, Jehovah's Witnesses do not display religious symbols, obtain blood transfusions or participate in secular government.
They also feel obliged to share their message with others by going door to door and preaching about God, whom they call Jehovah.
"We do not criticize other people for celebrating. We do not tell them that we shouldn't do it," Henkel said. "We teach from the Bible. Jesus is the critical key to everything."
Originally published December 2, 2005
BRENDA LEE'S RESPONSE:
Dear Alice,
I'd like to share something with you something you may not know about Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs).
Did you know that they used to celebrate Christmas, which they now claim is pagan?
In their Dec 1, 1904, Watchtower, they write, "Even though Christmas is not the real anniversary of our Lord's birth...it is not necessary for us to quibble particularly about the date. We may as well join with the civilized world in celebrating the grand event on the day which the majority celebrate "Christmas day.""
Then in their Dec. 15, 1983, Watchtower, they changed their tune, "We all need to face up to the fact that Christmas and its music are not from Jehovah, the God of truth. Then what is their source? Reason should suggest that they are from someone whose sole aim now is to mislead as many people as possible. The Bible tells us that this is the goal of Satan the Devil..."
Why is the leadership being so hypocritical? For instance, why are wedding rings acceptable to Jehovah’s Witnesses when they too have a pagan origin? Why do most of the followers have no idea that even former Governing Body members (the elite in the organization) used to celebrate Christmas? Why do they now coldly shun forever any JW family member who chooses to celebrate a holiday--never speaking to them again? After all, aren't they just following the organization's original directives?! (Those elite ones would have been excommunicated had they lived today!) The Watchtower leadership feeds the public this propaganda and never discloses the truth about their "roots" because they want to keep their membership uneducated.
As organizer of the ex-JW Meetup group and now author of a new book which is soon-to-be-released, I can tell you that I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness child and HATED it. I write about my experiences in my book, Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult. After my mother sat me down and informed me, a nine year old child, that we would never celebrate any holidays or birthdays again, everyone in the world rejoiced that Christmas while I wept. I can’t begin to tell you how unhappy I was--to the point of being suicidal and homicidal--and how many genuinely miserable JW children I saw around me. The responses you hear from JWs when answering why they don't celebrate Christmas are preprogrammed responses. I heard these same responses come out of my mother's mouth 30 years ago!
Jehovah's Witnesses seek to fool the rest of the world into believing that they are happy, united, and divinely guided by "The Truth" and that everyone else is doomed to destruction because of their false beliefs. But their beliefs are not Bible based. Did you know that Colossians 2:16 says "Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day"? So true Christians do not automatically judge holidays (including Christmas) negatively. Also, December 27 was the date of the first Jewish festival of Hannukah (also spelled Channukah). In fact, John 10:22 says in the winter Christ, himself a Jewish rabbi, was at the Feast of Dedication, another term for the same religious festival. Luke 2:6 says angels celebrated Christ's birth. For true Christians, it is definitely a Christian celebration, not a pagan ritual.As a journalist, it is your responsibility and privilege to be able to help educate. I hope you will do so here. Your readers deserve to know the truth about their religion. Then, perhaps they would have a better understanding of the Watchtower organization that they literally live and die by. Please consider publishing this information for them.
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My own Brother writes.....
by geevee injust receieved this this morning.
initially i was seething.
but now i think that the best reply is no reply.
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Cocoon
If you chose to respond, here are my suggestions: Whatever you do, show love and concern to him; otherwise, it will validate (in his mind) that he/the Watchtower is right and you/Satan are wrong. I would focus on the wonderful things you have learned since leaving the organization (people aren't as bad as JWs make out and that you have established some wonderful friendships with people who care about YOU, not just what your religious status is; that there is joy in living every day knowing you get to decide for yourself how your life unfolds; that the 1975 etc. dates that have come and gone and how you aren't willing to go from cradle to grave hoping for something that clearly isn't materializing; that your children are no longer the objects of ridicule, oppression and unnecessary limitations and are much happier and emotionally sound; that you want to contribute something to this world to make it a better place and not "wait on Jehovah" because life and living is happening in the here and now--of that we are certain--it's the only thing of which we are certain). Then ask him, "Just what if you are wrong? What will you have sacrificed for the Watchtower?" Let him know that you would rather live a day as you are living today than forever in misery as a Jehovah's Witness. Then tell him you love him and wish he'd be willing to sit down and discuss this with you rather than just "writing you off." Tell him that would be the Christian thing to do. If he still treats you like he is treating you, tell him you can no longer communicate with him until he is willing to meet you half-way because it is too painful for you to see him being so misled. Shunning can go both ways and while it may not be the most desirable thing; sometimes it is necessary to keep your own saniity when dealing with these lunatics.
Brenda Lee, author of "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult." www.outofthecocoon.net