Hello Inday and welcome.
I am very sad to read your story. I hope that you find the friends you are looking for on this board. But more importantly I hope that you find the answers to the questions you have doubts about.
This is a forum full of many people with sad stories but lots of people who have overcome their problems and now share very happy stories with us. Hopefully soon you can share some with us too.
I look forward to reading more from you.
Miss Peaches