viewaskew
JoinedI grew up Catholic in Ireland, studied theology and lost my faith in what seemed mostly myth. Fell in love with a gal who turned out to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. When she told me, I didn't think it'd be a big deal. I was wrong. She was disfellowshipped for staying in a motel room with me (after her family kicked her off the property and she was left with no other option). After a couple of suicidal years, she got reinstated but remained mostly inactive. In '04, we both went a little crazy and thought that the JW path might be a legitimate one to seek God. I was almost to the end of a Bible study (the 'knowledge' book) when a pioneer sister tried to seduce my sister-in-law's husband, and the family was told to keep quiet about it for months while the elders decided not to take action. She later ran off with another sister's husband. This reminded me of a BBC show I'd seen once about the sex abuse scandal, something I'd suppressed because of my need to belong to a community. But having witnessed how the elders acted in this situation, and realizing that they would probably have done the same if the allegations were about child abuse instead, I could no longer, in good conscience, follow this path. So it was on to the wide and spacious road to destruction for me. I began by reading Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience. His words were kinder and more reasonable than any I'd heard at the local congregation, and the revelations were enough to convince me finally that the 'truth' was a lie. Now, I tolerate the ocassional meeting to keep things civil with my wife's family, and I continue to seek a path to God, preferably one that focuses more on joy than obligation, more on life than death. One of my favorite songs is Selah by Lauryn Hill. It's weird how it seemed to solidify my faith as a JW but now takes on a whole new meaning... Nothing can be done against the truth/No matter how we may be in denial/ Wasting time/Replacing time/With each empty excuse/But that'll only work a little while/Coping with despair/Knowing you're not there/Ashamed to just admit/I've been a fool/So I blame it on the Son/Run away from everyone/Hoping to escape this ridicule/Trapped in misery/ Wrapped so miserably/And this deception I wear it like a skin/ Dying to mantain/ Oh I keep trying to explain/ A heart that never loved me to begin/ Oh I'm such a mess/ I have no choice but to confess/ That I've been desperately trying to belong/ Lying to myself/ And everybody else/ Refusing to admit my right was wrong/ And then He came/ Selah/ And it means/ Praise and meditation/ And then He came/ Selah