Posts by Caole

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Suggestions for baby names please

by hippikon in

jw
friends

we would like to ask you good folk ( the bad ones can play as well) for suggestions for baby names.

its getting close now and we need ideas.

we dont know the sex yet.

A Favorite Song of 7-12 Year Old Boys (caution)

by Big Jim in

jw
friends

(i must admit i like some of eminems stuff also).

the real slim shady.

may i have your attention please?.

Caole

Hey Francoise...I don't know the words, but I found them here... http://www.gthhh.com/hymnal/hym116.htm

7

i need to find the song star trekking - the funny song from the eighties (in my best singing voice) ...star trekking, across the universe, on the starship enterprise, under captain kirk.... does anyone know where i can find this on the internet?.

shalom (from the computer illiterate class)

Caole

Here's another spot you can download it in mp3 format - http://mercury.spaceports.com/~tustc/humor/trekkin.html

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."

Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Shamus yells out, "Forget him, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles to Dublin."

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

A really short guy moved to a hick town and he was incredibly horny. He went to a dance, met a girl, and she let him walk her home.

On the way, he said, "Do you think we could have sex?" She said, "I'm way too tall for us to do it standing up, and I can't lie down in my brand new party dress."

He replied, "There's a blacksmith shop over there. I could stand on the anvil." She agreed, so the went into the blacksmith shop and got it on.

Afterwards, as he continued to walk her home, he said, "Can we have sex again?" She said, "No, not tonight."

He replied, "Then I guess I don't need to carry this anvil any further."

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

There were two men who had gone to the same college and had become great friends. During college, they had a great time together. They were always right in the middle of anything happening.

When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate ways. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other. During the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for work.

"I'm an undertaker," responded the friend.

"What? That doesn't sound like you! During college, you were always the one looking for excitement."

"There is plenty of excitement in this racket," explained the friend. "Just the other day, I got a call to pick up this stiff in a hotel room. When I entered the room, he was laying there on the bed. He was stark naked with a huge erection. I didn't want to take him out like that, so I took a hanger from the closet and gave it a good swat. You want to talk about excitement? I was in the wrong room!"

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-alec student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But, what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

More Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.''

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.

In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.

It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.