Posts by Caole

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Seven...I'm really curious about that Calvin and Hobbs cartoon you had to remove...is it still out there somewhere? Maybe we could "borrow" it.

Waiting...one of my sisters sent me those "What Hallmark Doesn't Print" emails too...with an addendum. Here are the rest

MORE CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK:

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the **** was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (Available only in Kentucky.)

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Maybe its just because you people are just so f'king boring and anal

Not all Zep...just some of us Well...if you're not going to take a crack at us yankees...I will. Here's one for our friends to the north:

Three Canadians and three Americans are traveling by train to a hockey game. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket.

"How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an American.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian. They all board the train.

The Americans take their respective seats, but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. After the game, the Americans decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian.

When they board the train, the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

2

URL for site with group dynamics quiz?

by betweenworlds in

jw
friends

could the person who posted the site that has the quiz about group dynamics please repost?

i lost the bookmark :( it was a fantastic page.

michelle

Caole

Hi Michelle...this is the only recent post I recall that links to a site with quizzes on it: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=9400&site=3
Is it the one you're looking for?

25

Observation by an outsider

by MikeNightHaShev in

jw
friends

i notice that because the jw's point out flaws with the churches doctrines and beliefs that instead of fixing or repenting or solving the issues it's easier for church people to form a backlash whether it's honest or falacious in order to displace blame and smokescreen their own inadequacies.. you can not heal yourself by pointing out anothers wounds, you also can not solve your problems by displacing them instead of admiting and addressing them.. if a jw or anyone else points out the problem of abuse in the church then by pointing out an abuse in the jw elders does not solve the issues of the church abuses neither is it repentance as repentance should be.. if you can't discuss the bible and resons why you fall short and trasngress then by bringing up personal issues or attacking each other like jackals does not change those transgressions it just adds more.. as an outsider i must say all of you are like animals on their prey simply because you didn't like being exposed for your false testiments and false practices.

this means your emotional and psychological and spiritual level is far from being grown up.. will you dare persecute me for pointing out such observations?

a spiritually grown person will reflect on what i say, admit to it and try to change, but a child of darkness will feel their ego hurt and group rpide kicks in causing a person not grown to become defensive bitter and mean/perhaps even spiteful.

Caole

Tina...Bingo!Tell her what she's won Johnny! http://members.tripod.com/~MikeNight/qualify.html

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

I know what you mean...one of my sisters sent those to me...I think I had that pained look on my face as I was reading them

Words that should be in the Dictionary

1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or b)squirting himself in the eye(or ear).

4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"

8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.

9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater..

12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft is sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, was known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to the bar and announced "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

4. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

6. A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

7. A woman had identical twin sons, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan.

Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded, "But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

And the worst of the bunch:

8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God", the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So...the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving....

(brace yourself)

that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Hi Waiting...I remember Radars post from H2O...I remember coming up with the wrong answer tooHere's something similar that was sent to me recently(BTW...congrats on passing the 3000 mark):

I am going to ask you three questions. And, you have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time; you have to answer immediately! O.K.?
Let's find just how clever you really are ........ Ready?
GO !!!!!

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second. What position do you finish?
NOW! See the answer below...
.
.
.
.
Answer:
If you answered that you arrived first, then you are absolutely wrong!!! When you overtake the second, you take his place. So, you arrived second!!!
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question: If you overtake the last, then you arrive...?
.
.
.
.
Answer: If you answer that you arrived second last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST !!!!

Here's your third Question, but on a new subject -- Subject: *Very, very Tricky Maths!
Note: This riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD ONLY and NOT using paper and a pen. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.

What is the total? (scroll down for answer)
.
.
.
.
Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100. You don't believe it? Check with your calculator! The decimal sequence confuses our brain, that always jumps to the highest decimals (100s instead of 10s).

4

A success story, thanks to YOU!

by Kathy in

jw
friends

well, here's an update.

thanks to all of you, my boyfriend's sister is seeing the light!

if you remember, we were trying to dissuade her from joining the jw's... becoming baptized, whatever.

Caole

Hi Kathy,

Now, hopefully, one of you can point me to a Watchtower article that states that the "Faithful and Discreet Slave, or the "Governing Body" gets its ideas directly from God--"food at the proper time" or "new light from God."

There's a whole page full of them on this site...please keep in mind that some of them are summarized
http://quotes.jehovahswitnesses.com/channel.htm

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Rcat...Waiting...glad you liked the pic I saw Redhorsewoman's thread "For cat-loving computer geeks", and remembered that I had some cat pics filed away somewhere on the 'puter. Gotta get back to work soon, but here's one hot out of the inbox...seems somebody needed to vent

9 irritations in life

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". No Shit, Sherlock!! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Do they need a bit of Chlorine for their gene pool??

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No loser, I paid $12.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved"! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short." Helllllooo???? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

Caole

Self-confidence