Posts by sass_my

29

Not an elder anymore?

by ivy in

i just found out from my son that my father is not an elder anymore.

he has no idea why.

of course i called home, but no one is there, probably at a meeting.

sass_my_frass

I know an elder who stood down so that he could attend his disfellowshipped son's wedding, he's an elder again now though.

91

relationship with jw's

by clay in

i stumbled upon this site while looking for help.

my prob is there's this girl i really really like alot.

she's beautiful,smart, has a great personality and i love being around her.

I have been thinking about the 'run' advice... and they certainly have their reasons for giving it. In my case, if my man had gotten that advice and taken it, we wouldn't be where we are now. I'm d'f'd and recovering, and I know that it's not going to be easy for us, but one of the reasons I am happy to leave the organisation is that there is somebody to help me through that.

One of the things I hated about being a witness was the gender imbalance; there are more women than men, so statistically some women will have to choose between staying single or marrying a non-witness. The first time I had the option to marry a non-witness, I got scared and ran back to the org. That was a mistake and this time I know that I'm making the right choice. It's a bit unfair to deny somebody in her/our situation a partner, ever - can't get married as a witness because no brother wants me because I'm a bit 'weak', but can't get together with somebody on the outside because it's too much work for the guy to deal with all this stuff. If somebody told my guy now, 'run', and it scared him off, I'd feel ripped off.

We have the confidence in us to trust our choice; she might not have that in your relationship. It's a lot to ask of somebody so young. I can agree with the people advising that you are too young to be going through this, but yes it is your choice. It is good that you are opening yourself to learn things though. But a shame that your best years are going to be swallowed by this.

Best to you both

24

What to wear to the District Convention

by sass_my_frass in

jw
friends

i'm just gearing up to head off to the district convention.

i was worried about the shunning thing but then realised, how about i just don't wear the uniform, and dress like a study instead?

with a wig and sunnies none of my people will notice me, and strangers will treat me nicely and share their sandwiches and offer me bible studies.

sass_my_frass

:D yep Frog by 'soon' I meant 'in a couple of months'. I'm going purely out of duty, and my man might go for a day, so he can meet my brother. I suppose I'm psyching up for it well in advance this time!

14

Need advice from people with a JW partner

by sass_my_frass in

hi, i'll sum up: recently disfellowshipped, and am marrying my love, who is not a witness.

i'm jumping through the hoops to get reinstated (to get my family back, and then do the slow fade) but am going to review that choice as time goes by as i choose him as my new life, not them.

however right now i think that life will be better, long term, if i can pick up the phone and talk to my family, every now and then.

sass_my_frass

Many thanks to everybody, and I'm very sorry for the pain that you all endure.

By 'we're not having children', I mean, we don't want them and we also literally cannot have them. It won't happen.

I've read a bit of freeminds.org, and I'm going to order Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan. I think it's even better that I read this than he does. I don't intend to do things 'the witness way', but in reality I'm still trying to identify the ways in which my thinking compares to the normal way - so asking him often what is normal, is good advice, thanks for that. I absolutely put him first, our lives second, the happiness and mental health of my family somewhere behind that. God is important and somewhere in there. The handful of witness friends who I want to maintain contact with will always have my love, but they'll never be my social life again, we're on different sides of the country. The organisation goes last with a nod and a smile but no respect. But he's first, that's the point, and always will be.

Work functions I do. Holidays - not such an issue here, only xmas and valentines day really, but I'll happily do all of those. Politics - well I've always been a silent neohippie, slightly to the left, and so is he - but we're pretty much identical in that regard.

I want to show my man off, he's magnificent. Yes you're right I've been too humble in planning the wedding, I'm going to make more noise about it now. Well, it's a bit late, I sent them quiet little email invitations, but I can make a bigger deal of it and after the event they're getting photos and websites and they're always going to be SAD that they didn't have the guts to show up. I'm going to use that guilt trip.

I have also gone along with my sister's wish to not contact them as it 'confuses her sons'. Bugger that, they're not going to pretend I'm dead. They're getting letters and photos and postcards... what they do with them is their problem.

No I've never liked the term 'unbeliever' either for the same reasons. The word 'worldly' makes me giggle.

Thanks, I'm going to think about what you said about going for reinstatement. I'll see how we go. It's not a 'final choice', but it's the plan for now.

14

Need advice from people with a JW partner

by sass_my_frass in

hi, i'll sum up: recently disfellowshipped, and am marrying my love, who is not a witness.

i'm jumping through the hoops to get reinstated (to get my family back, and then do the slow fade) but am going to review that choice as time goes by as i choose him as my new life, not them.

however right now i think that life will be better, long term, if i can pick up the phone and talk to my family, every now and then.

sass_my_frass

I just got Crisis of Conscience and am looking forward to getting into that.

Thanks, yeah I have done xmas lunches at work for a few years, and I'll do the family xmas gigs they do, and I'll stop being such a twit about birthdays. That is, I've always given myself a private party or been away on holiday for mine, and I'll do the same for him.

We're not having children, so we won't face that big old monster.

He's asked me about blood; I don't know yet. For now I have asked him to not allow any transfusions, because the idea still grosses me out. I'll look into it. I hope that they're right that medicine is not using it as a crutch so much now. But I haven't carried a blood card for years, so... yes I suppose I want any measures taken to ensure that I live. But now that I've said that out loud, I feel creepy.

I know it's not easy for him, but it's all I know, so I don't know WHAT is not easy for him. I suppose I mean; I'm still subject to the 'doublethink' process, and that would be frustrating for him. So if you can suggest things that have gotten between you and your partner, I'll know what to be aware of. I don't really know which of my though processes are 'normal' and which are a result of a lifetime of programming.

14

Need advice from people with a JW partner

by sass_my_frass in

hi, i'll sum up: recently disfellowshipped, and am marrying my love, who is not a witness.

i'm jumping through the hoops to get reinstated (to get my family back, and then do the slow fade) but am going to review that choice as time goes by as i choose him as my new life, not them.

however right now i think that life will be better, long term, if i can pick up the phone and talk to my family, every now and then.

sass_my_frass

We're not living together until after the wedding. He is actually in a different city until then too. And as it happens, I haven't 'seen' him since long before I told the elders about him, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm repentant.

I was hiding him for as long as we were working out what to do, and it was hurtful to both of us. 'Coming out' was a massive relief and we are always happy to be out in public now. I kept putting off the announcement, and it was unfair on him. It's so much better now, and my family are just going to have to cope. But it's easier for mine than yours because (for now) I am making the effort to be reinstated.

24

What to wear to the District Convention

by sass_my_frass in

jw
friends

i'm just gearing up to head off to the district convention.

i was worried about the shunning thing but then realised, how about i just don't wear the uniform, and dress like a study instead?

with a wig and sunnies none of my people will notice me, and strangers will treat me nicely and share their sandwiches and offer me bible studies.

sass_my_frass

I'm just gearing up to head off to the District Convention. I was worried about the shunning thing but then realised, how about I just don't wear the uniform, and dress like a study instead? With a wig and sunnies none of my people will notice me, and strangers will treat me nicely and share their sandwiches and offer me bible studies.

But I can't choose between jeans or a mini-skirt, anybody?

14

Need advice from people with a JW partner

by sass_my_frass in

hi, i'll sum up: recently disfellowshipped, and am marrying my love, who is not a witness.

i'm jumping through the hoops to get reinstated (to get my family back, and then do the slow fade) but am going to review that choice as time goes by as i choose him as my new life, not them.

however right now i think that life will be better, long term, if i can pick up the phone and talk to my family, every now and then.

sass_my_frass

Hi, I'll sum up: recently disfellowshipped, and am marrying my love, who is not a witness. I'm jumping through the hoops to get reinstated (to get my family back, and then do the slow fade) but am going to review that choice as time goes by as I choose him as my new life, not them. However right now I think that life will be better, long term, if I can pick up the phone and talk to my family, every now and then. I don't want to always be damaged.

Anyway... there are many here whose partner / spouse is a witness or recovering witness and if you don't find this offensive I'd like to tap into your experience. I want to be realistic about how my life as a recovering witness will affect our lives together. I'm really enjoying escaping, but it's a bit overwhelming and I don't want it to be the story of our lives.

What are some things that I should be careful of?

If your partner could do something, or stop doing something, to make your relationship better, what would it be?

Thanks so much

18