I remember once a child at the Memorial asked his mother very LOUDLY if she had any underwear on. She tried to shush him, but he insisted again, and louder this time.
Posts by Chia
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6of the mouth of babes
by Crumpet ini don;t know what made me think of this as its a memory i haven;t retrieved in 17 years at least but it made me chuckle and it was a favourite story of my parents!.
when i was 6 and my little sister was 3 we were at a thursday night meeting, when she began to whispher to my mum " i want a smack".
my mother thought she had misheard and looked away but no lil sis said it a bit louder tugging at her arm, "mummy i want a smack.
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Thought it was about time I spill my guts...
by Krystal ini have already posted bits and bobs about my "story"... i like the companionship i have found here and i feel it about time i get this off my chest, so here it goes.
i am a 20 year old montrealer (it is me above!
) who was brought up a witness from the day i was born.
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Chia
Krystal, you're such a strong person! Thank you for sharing your story.
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My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
Thank you all for your support. Tjikmo, to answer, I was naive and answered everything truthfully. I thought being honest would keep me from being DFed. But I resented the intrusion into my personal life. It was humiliating to say the least. My brother tried to tell me that they have to ask those questions to determine "motive", like I was a criminal or something. Sickening. I am trying to let go of the anger toward them.
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My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
Thanks for the warning, I can see that! Everyone's been really great here.
I have family in NC...Whitakers/Rocky Mount to be exact. I'm visiting them in July. Only one of them is a Witness, so I'm spending a week with her, since I may be unable to when I start fading.
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46
My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
Oh, yes, I do remember! I haven't heard from Smidge in a while, but I hope he's having a good time in Oz.
Crumpet, I hope the Red Bull was delicious! I'm going to buy one tonight after I come home from my job interview and I will drink it with lots and lots of candy. I've earned it!
Book study was difficult to get through, as usual. It was about Christ's love, so that made it a little more tolerable. I often zone out during the meeting, and this time I thought of my grandmother(not a Witness, died when I was 12) and I started to tear up. Maybe it was all that resurrection talk. When the brother said "amen" I hopped out of my chair, and some phony sister grabbed my elbow, like she wanted to hug me or something. (This same sister viewed me as competition when I was a pioneer.) It makes me want to vomit.
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46
My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
Thanks Crumpet, and everyone! I am truly glad to be here. Post meeting thingies? I'm not sure what that is. I have book study tonight, ugh! It's only an hour, and I've already skipped the last two meetings!
I'm glad to be here and talking with you again Crumpet!
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46
My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
I was on a roll, so I finished up the story.
Around this time, my congregation got the go-ahead to build a new hall. I was working part-time, and the schedule I had worked around my meeting nights. But while we were building our new Hall, we had to meet with another congregation, and the meeting nights were changed. Now it conflicted with my work schedule. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to spend time with my boyfriend. I assured my mother that during the time the Hall was being built, I would attend a meeting on another night. So now I was missing the Theocratic Ministry School every week to spend time with my boyfriend. Even more importantly, I was feeling less guilty for doing so. It got to the point where I would sit in the meetings daydreaming about being with my boyfriend.
Even though he and I cared deeply about each other, problems started to creep up. I was paranoid about being found out, and so I never wanted to really go out with him. I didn't want to stay out late because I didn't want my family to get suspicious. He began to get frustrated with me, and I really can't blame him for that. He also had a busy schedule, and it was hard for us to see each other. We decided to take a break from each other, but we would reconcile often. (Eventually he and I broke up completely. I regret not being honest with him about my religion.) During one such reconciliation, we were having sex and all of a sudden I felt this horrible pain. I could barely stand. He wanted to take me to the hospital, but I refused. I could've been dying, but all I could think was, "How will I explain this to my mom?" I drove myself home, screaming and crying all the way. The pain was intense. When I got home, I was doubled over, screaming in pain and fainting. It was a holiday and doctor's offices weren't open, so my mom wanted to take me to the ER but I refused. I thought that perhaps it was some type of pregnancy gone wrong or an STD, and I didn't want my mother to find out. I waited that whole miserable night. The next day I went to my doctor, and he admitted me to the hospital immediately. It turned out that I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. While I was in the hospital, the elders came to see me. The first thing they asked me was, "Is your blood card up to date?" Not, "Are you all right?" or "How do you feel?" This is when I began to mistrust the elders.
I used this as an excuse to stop pioneering. It was a great relief. At the beginning of the next year, I had a huge fight with my mother. I don't want to go into details, but there was always resentment between she and I for various reasons. I stormed out of the house. For the next month I lived in a motel. I did not attend meetings at all during this time. Then a kind Witness family took me in. For that I'll be forever grateful. My mother presented her version of events to the elders and I also spoke with them. They asked me to put myself in her shoes. I understand this reasoning, but it also frustrated me because she never put herself in my shoes. She can be very tyrannical. Then one of the elders asked me, "It sounds like you have serious mood swings. Do you perhaps need medication?" I was livid. More distrust built up.
I got my own apartment. Living on my own gave me even more freedom. I was dating, going out, and being a normal young woman. I should've walked away and never looked back then, but I still loved my family. My mom and I made up, and I spent lots of time at her house. One Saturday night, the man I was seeing asked me to spend the night with him. I agreed, but I never called my mom. She got scared and began calling me and looking for me. She even had my sister call my father(she hates my father) looking for me. When I showed up the next day, she was furious. She told me that I must have been doing something wrong to disappear for a whole day like that. Had I been stronger, I would've told her nothing. After all, I did have my own place, and what I did was my business. But I was feeling pressured leading this double life, and my mother's anger cut me. I burst into tears, stressed, frustrated, and I decided that I needed spiritual help. I decided to go to the elders and confess my sins.
I called the elder I was closest to and confessed I had committed immorality. They formed a judicial committee. During the meeting they asked me all kinds of horrible, invasive questions. "Did you have an orgasm? Did you engage in homosexual intercourse? From the front or behind?" It was awful. I didn't understand the need for these questions, I was stunned, but nonetheless I answered. I didn't want to be disfellowshipped. After conferring for a while, they told me I would be privately reproved. I was relieved, but they weren't finished with me. One of the elders told me that I was "in want of heart"--continuing to go back to the store of my ex-boyfriend was like soliciting a prostitute. Another told me that they were certain that my boyfriend had a disease(because he was much older than me--so I guess they figured he'd been with a lot of women and done lots of things),so I should be certain to get tested for diseases. They told me I should move back home with my mom to keep myself from wanting to go out with men. I did want to be good, and so I moved back in with her.
I tried to be a good Witness after that. But doubts were screaming in my ear by now. I couldn't shake the feeling that they were asking those questions for their own perverted pleasure, because I simply couldn't see what effect that had on whether I was repentant or not. I also began to see the "brothers" and "sisters" for what they were...conditional friends. As long as I was on the platform, they all loved me. The minute I stopped commenting, it was obvious everyone was whispering about me. Then one day I just happened to enter "Jehovah's Witnesses" into my search engine. I stumbled upon the UN controversy, the change in 1914 dates and other things. I saw that there were lots of people who felt like me, and I wasn't just some weak sinner...this really could be wrong. It might not be the truth after all. Then I got really angry. I felt cheated and lied to my whole life. I contemplated sending my letter of disassociation in, but I realize that this is not the best course in my case. No matter what, I have the support of my father and brother, who know how I feel about the religion. For now, I am still sporadically attending meetings. I still live in my mother's home. I am still on restrictions, but I plan to move away from my hometown very soon (next couple of months!) and never look back. I own both "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom", given to me by a good friend. I don't see myself as a Witness now. I don't plan on raising my children as Witnesses. I have so many friends who care about me and love me for who I really am, not how much field service time I can put in. And I plan on going to college to become a teacher. For the first time in my life I am beginning to feel happy and free, and the next stage of my life is just beginning.
There are so many other things that happened, but I'm sure those will come out in other posts. I just wanted to introduce myself. Thanks to everyone for listening!
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46
My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
Thank you all! My life really is just beginning. I just don't know how to condense everything, haha! I wish I wasn't so wordy, but it seems like everything is essential to the story!
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46
My story
by Chia ini have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, i have finally decided to come out and tell my story.
it is really long, so i'm going to tell it in a few parts.
that way i can also tell if i'm boring everyone to death, haha!
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Chia
I have posted this story before on some other boards, but after "lurking" for a long time here, I have finally decided to come out and tell my story. It is really long, so I'm going to tell it in a few parts. That way I can also tell if I'm boring everyone to death, haha! Hi Crumpet!
I was raised a JW from birth. My mother studied with the Witnesses in our hometown, but never took it seriously. She had been raised a Baptist and went back and forth between the two religions. My father was in the military, and he got stationed overseas. He, my mother, and my older sister moved across the Atlantic to a different country, a different language, and a completely new way of life. Since my dad worked, and my older sister went to school, often my mom was alone. She also was ill. And that's when the Witnesses came in. She ran into another American on the street walking to her doctor's office while with my sister. They stopped to chat for a bit, surprised to see each other there. Then the green Bible peeked out of the woman's bag. My older sister spotted it(for she had always believed it was the "truth). Then the woman invited my mother on the Bible study. My mom made excellent progress and when she returned to the United States, she was baptized. I was born 11 years after her baptism. Since my father was not a Witness, there was constant pressure on us kids from my mother to be exemplary. She worked hard at making sure we were spiritually well fed, even though we were "fatherless" children. In the beginning, I just went along with it, feeling neither positively nor negatively toward the religion...it was just my way of life. Soon the pressure came to get baptized. I really didn't want to. It's not that I didn't know what was being taught to me, or didn't understand it, I just didn't want to do it. But my mother insisted, "If you know what the truth is, and you don't get baptized, you are still held accountable for your actions and Jehovah will judge you." So I got baptized. I was 12 years old.
In the meantime, my brother was going through a difficult time. He was wild, drinking and partying. My mother was at her wits' end. None of my older sisters had ever given her this much trouble, and I was determined not to make things more difficult for her. I auxiliary pioneered dutifully every summer, even though I hated the field ministry. I started high school at 13, and I longed to go to school dances and football games and have boyfriends just like the other girls, but knew I could never do so. There were some occasions when I thought about suicide, and I made a half-hearted attempt at 15. But at meetings I was looked up to. I was practically the only young person in the Kingdom Hall, and I was always on stage for demonstrations, talks, and assembly parts.
The last two years of high school, my mother insisted that I attend vocational school. This was to prepare me to find suitable employment so I could pioneer. Deep down I was disappointed. I didn't want to go to vocational school--I wanted to go to college like the other kids. I was getting excellent grades, and all kinds of scholarships were offered to me. I finished in the top 20% of my class. Nonetheless, I wanted to please my mother and live up to everyone's expectations of me, so college was not an option. After graduating high school I began regular pioneering that September. At first it was OK, but soon I began to see the inner turmoil even among the pioneers. I had always been taught that pioneering was the best thing you could do, and it was the only thing that brought true happiness and rewards because they came from Jehovah. But the women(the whole pioneer body were women) constantly bickered among themselves, and I'd often come home from a full day of service exhausted. I remember one crazy sister took me out from 6AM to 6PM, and I hadn't eaten anything all day. When I got home, I threw up.
This went on for some time. As the time progressed, I became more and more unhappy with pioneering. All the while people continued to admire me and I continued to have parts at assemblies. I had lots of interest from Bethelite brothers, but I always knew I would never marry a Bethelite. Most of them were self-absorbed hypocrites(sorry to any former Bethelites--I know all of them weren't like that). And of course, being a young woman, my sexual desire was very strong but I was able to suppress it. Halfway through my 3rd year of pioneering, I got my driver's license. That was the beginning of the end. Having a car gave me freedom I had never had before. (Here comes the juicy part)
It started innocently. A brother had agreed to do my taxes, so I was driving to his house. I got lost, and my car conked out right on the highway, in the middle of peak traffic. Two men came running from a store to push my car out of the traffic. I breathlessly thanked them, and they went back to work. But one of them came back. He was my opposite in every way, tall, blond, blue-eyed...very attractive. He told me I could wait in the store instead of out in the rain, and of course I declined. But I told him that as thanks for helping me, I would buy something from his store. I knew it was wrong, because I knew he was attracted to me, and I to him...but I went back to the store several times. We flirted often, and finally he told me that he was attracted to me from the moment he saw me, and he wanted to take me out. I accepted. He took me to the movies, and after the movies there was some kissing and "heavy petting". Driving home, I was shaking. I could not believe what I had just done. I was numb. But I didn't want to stop seeing him. The next week, he invited me to his apartment, and I went. I told him I was very religious and didn't want to have sex, and he said, "I know." But, we were at his apartment, one thing led to another, and I lost my virginity to him. When I left his house, I thought that God was going to strike me dead right then. If not at that immediate moment, I would get into some type of accident on the way home. I was still pioneering. A complete hypocrite. But I was also confused because I was actually enjoying this relationship. The intimacy was wonderful, and I felt so comfortable with him. How could something so right really be so wrong? I was happy to be in a relationship, and yet conflicted. It was also sad not to be able to share this happiness with my family. This was the beginning of the seeds of doubt.
End of Part I
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Chia
I am on myspace, same name as I have here.