Is Wal Mart really that bad??? They are negotiating taking over MassStores here in S.A - don't know that this is going to be a good thing by the looks of that video.
LouBelle
JoinedPosts by LouBelle
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40
Do you go to Kroger/Publix/Wal Mart?
by Iamallcool ini usually shop for most things at wal mart but i have learned some things at publix and kroger are cheaper than wal mart.
if you are conscious shopper, tell me what things do you buy at each store to save some money!
i am thinking about being a member of bj, if you know of any good deals at bj, let me know too.
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112
So tired of life
by LouBelle ini am so tired of waking up without hope.
so tired of fighting one more day...i just want it to end as painless as possible.
i truly don't have the willpower or strength anymore..
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LouBelle
I have had a good cry - another one yesterday after I dinged my car (a hidden pipe) I had an angry cry, shouted at the world, an ugly cry. I told my mother that I didn't want to wake up to an existance, I want a life. I know she is worried that I'm going to commit suicide. She even said "think of me Lou, think how I will feel every day waking up with you not here". I was honest and told her it would hurt for her but I wouldn't be hurting.
Anyway I took a sleeping tablet to just knock me out and get rest. When I woke this morning I took a couple of rescue pills (calming effect) I have contacted the recruitment agency I did media work for and asked them to keep a look out for other opportunities with other media houses. I have a relationship with them, they know the quality of my work, so that may be a good thing.
*Big sigh* My plan of action is to take one day at a time, even if I have to break it down to one hour at a time. I know this life has brilliant things to offer and I do want to be part of that - I think that is why I get down, I want to be part of it but the circumstances I find myself in make it difficult and that hurts. I know I also need to work on the fact that my circumstances do not define who I am. That is very difficult to do - It's easier when things are going well, you have finances rolling in, can travel, can save, have your own place - when all of that is stripped from you - you're bare. I know I need to be able stand, bare and know who I am.
I know I'm not bette, I know this is going to take constant work. Perhaps admitting openly that all was not well was a good thing. I was reminded of our dear departed friend Oompa - I miss him - I say why didn't he let us know how he was hurting. I'm glad that I have this forum and that I did open up - you have all been so amazing, you are definitely extended family - this place is needed.
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What does 100 calories look like?
by jgnat inhave you ever marvelled, as i have, at the marketing genius that sells us less food for more money?
the marketer who came up with the "100 calorie" packaging ploy deserves a consumer's medal.
i am recording my own 100 calorie snack wonders, that are balanced for a diabetic (carb, protein, and roughage).
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LouBelle
LisaRose - just shows a little bit of creative thinking and a tad bit of preperation and you have healthy snacks.
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Day One After Armgeddon written by a JW awaiting the Big A w/eager expectation - Warning: LOOOONG!!!
by Eve Deceived inonce we found out we were all witnesses, we all hugged.
now we just had to see if our kingdom hall was still standing.
when we came to the hall we had such a huge shock.. there were so many people there.
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LouBelle
It reads like a fairy tale some child has written. It is heart breaking to know that this will never happen for them but he will keep believing it. It's grusome to think how the celebrate the death of billions.!
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Why Do You Come To This Site?
by minimus ini believe that this site, jwn, serves many purposes.
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some are here almost, out of need.. others are here because they want to know the latest in watchtower world.. still others come here for the entertainment.. why do you frequent this place?
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LouBelle
Innitially came here for the support, to ask question, debate. Now I'm here to offer support. Though of late I have to the emotional support for me from this site has been overwhelming. This is "home". People on here get being out of the cult with very little explanation.
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So tired of life
by LouBelle ini am so tired of waking up without hope.
so tired of fighting one more day...i just want it to end as painless as possible.
i truly don't have the willpower or strength anymore..
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LouBelle
Dear Friends, for a couple of day s I have been in a dark place. So dark that I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel and that I had been engulfed, that I was suffocating, caged, trapped. In that time it feels as if the only thing that makes sense and to stop it all is to take my life. I have actually taken a blade to my wrist once before, the pain was excrutiating and to be honest, I just couldn't will myself to slice my wrist over and over again.
Yes Life has been shitty, I'm not going to pretend that it's all flowers and sunshine. When the darkness retracts I do see the good there is and I do appreciate little things. And I do mean little - a shower at a house I may house-sit - I can take the shower in peace and quiet, when I want. After the shower I can just plop on the bed and there is peace and quiet. I find joy in puppies (corny but true). Or when I can't find anything to be thankful for while sitting at work, I close my eyes and focus on the fact that I have eyes to see, I breathe, I have working limbs.
When the black cloud engulfs me, I cannot see all these little things even and what I call the 'pain body' rises up and is very vocul.
I want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my soul for reaching out, for your support, your concern, your love. I am overwhelmed by it and it has truly been a soothing balm.
I love you all very much.
Louise.
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kurtbethel -- have you heard from our LouBell
by FlyingHighNow inwe are worried about louise.
have you seen this thread?.
so tired of life23.
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LouBelle
Hiya FlyingHighNow - I'm alive. I have sent you a msg on FB.
Kurt is in Brazil at the moment having the time of his life - he's a real adventure man that one.
I won't contact him when I'm feeling down and he is away - I just couldn't rain on that parade!
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Homosexuality is an abomination!
by Fernando inmoralism,.
which as ray franz said about legalism, also seems to lead to a "morass of inconsistencies".. ray seemingly even went as far as describing "legalism" (or by extension moralism) as apostasy or "a denial of christian faith" (g79 6/8 pp.
an amusing look at the levitical law.. (from bible house of grace).
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LouBelle
I have many gay/lesbian friends and I love them to bits. I accept them in their entirity without judgement. I am human and flawed, how can an almighty god not accept them? Something seriously wrong with that. Means I'm more loving than this god.....means I don't need to entertain this god.
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So tired of life
by LouBelle ini am so tired of waking up without hope.
so tired of fighting one more day...i just want it to end as painless as possible.
i truly don't have the willpower or strength anymore..
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LouBelle
I just want to thank everyone on here for their amazing support and kind words of encouragment. I have been crying my eyes out because you have all touched my heart and I know you mean what you say.
I know I don't have the worse life. I know that there is beauty in the world. I know time can heal and circumstances improve. I know all of that with my head. But I am tired, so so tired. My lust for life has disappeared. I hardly find myself genuinely happy and smiling. I don't like this unhappy me any more and no matter how hard I try to change, that change is not happening.
I want everyone to know that this sadness/depression has absolutely nothing to do with me leaving the JW's. It was the best thing I've ever done and I do not regret it at all.
When you keep trying, and trying and trying....and yet nothing changes, you or rather I start to wonder if things will ever change. It's hard constantly being disappointed, constantly getting knocked down. I'm at that stage where I want to just stay down. I want the hurt (real or perceived), the pain, the anguish, the disappointment to stop, I want quiet, I want peace and quite and I don't know how to get that. Death stops all that. I've never been afraid to die - it's always been the how and if there would be pain.
I feel so weak and 'un-me' compared to the person I used to be. I can only blame me, the decisions I made. I got myself into this pickle and though I've tried to get myself out......I just keep slipping back.
I had a friend I reached out too a while back and was very upfront with my suicidal plan, I had written my letters, knew when I wanted to do it, how. This friend convinced me to give it one more go. When I slipped a bit and opened up again, I got a "oh here we go again" - In that moment I felt numb - I think it was and has only been the first time I went numb. I quickly said goodbye and made a decision not too speak to that person about it again.
Please forgive me for the negative vibe of this message. I just want to again say thank you very very much for all your kind words. You are extended family and friends. So many times I wish I was closer to you guys.
Maybe I just need a good cry - sometimes us women are like that. Got to get all the tears out.
Lou.
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112
So tired of life
by LouBelle ini am so tired of waking up without hope.
so tired of fighting one more day...i just want it to end as painless as possible.
i truly don't have the willpower or strength anymore..
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LouBelle
i am so tired of waking up without hope. so tired of fighting one more day...i just want it to end as painless as possible. i truly don't have the willpower or strength anymore.