said I need to trust her, I do trust her as she is now she's an amazing women, but will she change if she goes back is the question, running out of time.
She really is manipulating you, whether she even realises or not. She asks to be trusted but gives no reason for such trust, in fact gives every reason not to trust her in this regard. Even if she sincerely believes at this moment that she will not go back, there is a good chance she will, as by the comments that she is making she still believes the doctrine.
Reading COC is not about her not liking JWs, it is about being aware of the history and practices of the religion, and why so much of what she believes is not true. She can read it and continue to like JWs, but just come to understand why what they preach is wrong.
Even if she does not go back, her worries about Armageddon will infect your children. Her refusal to have birthdays has no scriptural basis, will be unfair on the children and a cause of tension. People raised as JWs carry huge emotional scars and you never know what else will raise its head over time.
IMO if you say that it is important to you that she read COC before progressing forward, and she is not prepared to, then it says a lot about you stand in relation to the religion in her mind.
One other thing that is concerning is this comment you made.
But she said there s a non- Jw at her work she likes who apparently ticks all the boxes!
Are you sure that she is the one for you and that you really should trust her?