My next door neighbor is a JW...older woman...probably in her 60's. When I moved into the home I bought right next to door to her, she made sure to tell me that "the walls are thin." One day, I came home from work and she was standing in front of her house waiting on me. I wonder how long she anticipated this day...she met me outside with a speech about how she can hear things in my house and she is going to tell the elders in her congregation about the things she heard. I told her to "go ahead" and walked away. Not even one week later, the elders in my cong. approached me about a the information this woman took to her cong. elders. I didn't even want to have a conversation about it. Even though I didn't have to tell them anything, I admitted to everything and felt a weight lift off me. This is what led to my being df'd for the 3rd time. I realized that, like my baptism, each time I got reinstated I was doing for my family and so-called friends. Ironically, these are people whom I've known all my life and have never felt a connection to and could never relate to. So 1 year after it was announced that I was no longer a member of my cong. and 2 rejected requests for reinstatement, when my mother asked me to come back because people missed me, I simply told her that I just don't believe that these "men" are qualified nor do they have the "right" to tell me that I am unrepentant or that not enough time has passed for them to consider reinstating me. I told her that I don't think that my standing in the congregation is what will determine how Jehovah will judge me.
So...do I feel relieved or sad? I feel very relieved. Liberated. Like I now have a real chance to get closer to the only being who can read my heart and truly judge me.